by puremaster
Regardless of the subject matter this wasn't any good. Not even a great editor could have saved this mess. And you really need a dialogue coach. Part of the problem is that Jason is such a thoroughly detestable character that it's hard to understand his motivations other than to act the jackass. And Chris and Mika are just blind drones. What's interesting or entertaining about there relationships? Lacking clever or erotic writing this just wasn't a good read. Guys like Jason always end up dead in the gutter and Mika and Chris are just cardboard characters. You should have condensed this into a single chapter, gotten rid of all the extraneous words and maybe, just maybe had a story worth reading. And you did post this garbage in the wrong category.
No stars.
Gave it a well deserved one star.
Get an editor or get the tenses sorted out, is it happening now, in the present or in the past.
Totally unbelievable but there are some funny moments so indeed it's not LW but maybe LI (Loving idiots).
Besides you really need an editor as your writing is poor.
Too many married white woman that become slaves to black men while their husband's wind up getting ignored. Odds are that the husband will have to lick the cum out of his wife and eventually suck cock himself. Why doesn't someone come up with something new instead of the same old s...?
I see the management is messing with the scores of stories! There has been some really bad stories, that are getting 3's and 4's, and they shouldn't get more than 1's and 2's.
This has such a small step to take to watch this world fall apart and they are almost at the crossroads of a decision. I am reminded of why people slow down when they see a car accident, you are horrified about what has happened but some people can't wait to watch the spectacle.
Next stop divorce court or deaths.
Beyond that however is the standard line "my body belongs to him but my heart belongs to you." What a crock of bullshit. I mean who believes that crap? Well besides your obviously idiotic husband that you purposely made stupid.
No one can have two masters: the one you serve is the one you love and it's clear which one she loves. Surprise, it's not Chris.
I am enjoying this story series! Gave it a five and can relate very well to it. My Japanese wife is a hotwife and one of her favorite boyfriends is a big black man:) It's not a D/s relationship but every time he calls her she goes and always comes home so full and satisfied:) She has told me before she loves his cock more than mine too.. Can't wait for the next chapter now!
I'm a slut myself and I would like to thank you for the most realistic portrait of a Master and his slut, its nice to include the poor cockold husband as he has no idea that he has lost his wife forever to a real man. I hope you follow this up soon as I personally enjoyed this as it so close to home, as I'm married and I'm owned by black man who dominates my every waking moment.
Yours a fan
I would to thank you for the this chapter and I hope to see more as my Master enjoyed too
Don't let the Haters&Flamers with thier negative comments & Vitiolic feedback get you down.
as an Author in this Genre and especially with the topics you are dealing with , you have to understand that the Trolls will be on you like bugs on shit.
remember ..
they will constantly bombard you with Hate messages.
they will spam score your work with one star.
they will find fault with every sentance you write.
however , also remember for every moron that faults you , there will be 99 people who enjoy your writing yet never respond.
xxxhugsxxx
5 stars for the guts & daring to approach this subject.
Not loving wives. But thus cuck shit can't find an audience in FETISH so they toss it in here. master of pure shit
great writing , intense & extremely emotional ...
However ..whats to say ? whats to do ??
its all been said & all been done , a thousand times before ..
i can't see anything new in this story just a rehash of all the old cliche's and stereotypes
maybe the Author will surprise us .. but somehow i doubt it , same old / same old / same old ..and being really honest it gets boring real fast these days .. no matter how inspired or good the quality of the writing
Is no one able to write a story where the husband has a pair of balls.
This was my idea of a PERFECT story!!! The sexual tension throughout was just amazing!!! I've been having an affair with a married Chinese woman and it sounds very possible to me. And the husband, just led down the garden path...
I can't wait for the next installment!!! Thank you!!!!