All Comments on 'Goodbye'

This is smart, painful poetry, and I don't mean BDSM.

I see a few flies in the ointment from my perspective, but I want to read it again to be sure. I'll post and comment for feedback if so. However, I really liked this as is.

P.S.

I don't think I would have labelled this as "erotic."

This is a wonderful poem. Take my "yes but" or two as merely suggestions to think about.

The first line I thought was weak. "Heavy heart" is a well worn phrase. In order to maintain the rhyme scheme, consider replacing" heavy" with several words to convey the same meaning.

Lines 5-8 are outstanding. I would have set them apart as a stanza to highlight them more, but that may be a matter of style. The lines are compelling.

"Of things" is too abstract. I need an image there; an opportunity missed IMO.

I don't know what you mean by "terminally bit." It felt like "terminally" was put there to enhance the line's sonics. If so, another adverb with four beats to it reinforcing the narrrative preceding it might have been better.

The case and collar are great images tou worked deftly into the poem.

While I agree that this is not what I would normally think of as erotic, I think it has it's place among the collected chotskies of erotica,

I find it heartbreaking and heartwarming as well, providing a glimpse of the pain but also the pleasure before the loss. I find myself refusing to believe after what precedes it that 'love no longer bursts' but perhaps that is the great catharsis of packing away such things. You have a wonderful way with words.

I am reading this after reading Dom's best friend ch04. This is so heartbreaking. I have to go back to reading Dom's bf to feel better again.

I really liked this one...very melancholy and true.