All Comments on 'Julie's Saga Pt. 01 - The Party'

Writing in present tense is never a good idea unless you're writing a very short story. Think about it. How can all those things be happening at once. Past tense is always preferable because you're writing about something that has already happened.

I enjoyed your story a lot. Your verb tense detracted maybe a little, but overall, I thought it was a very well written and hot story. I was very surprised at the ending, hoping for something completely different. You said you want to continue the story; I'd suggest she confess to Mark, and surprisingly, he seems to enjoy hearing it. Would leave you many options at that point.

Your description of the seduction through the evening was very hot! Overall, I think it's a definite '5'.

looks like she wants a divorce

Know where you can take this story. Straight off a cliff.

Hope Joey gets his ads kicked when Mark finds out.

Why do you people always make the husband a drunkard. come get real. Im a ex moon adicke but get real on people that are dumb as break balls get that drunk.

I'm glad this is your first as we hopefully won't have to be subjected to any more of such absurd drivel.Do something else you don't have any talent if this is anything to go by

You decided to write this story in shifting tenses, with the predominate one being present tense. If your editor did not tell you that was a poor choice, they should be fired immediately. If you were told, and did it anyway, your editor should resign. First person present tense narrator is a physical impossibility. By the time you told it, it would be past. You cannot narrate in real time.

You further screwed the pooch by not sticking with it, once you started. You mixed them, often in the same sentence, and the story became almost unreadable, to me. It seems like it might be an interesting story, with the byplay between the characters, but not written like this. Sorry, I couldn't finish.

Agreed, another whore who will hopefully get both an STD and divorced.

As bad as it could be...No part 2 will save this...1*

Just another slut on the way to being a used up devorced slut, why would she even marry a good man and then go and fuck eveerything up, god damn useless cum dump.

Re Kimi's comment below, it's predominant (adjective), not predominate (verb). You should edit yourself before editing others.

"If you have any ideas where to go, let me know!" - This is YOUR story, if you don't know where it's going, don't write it.

Maybe some of the women here will correct me, but does a woman "self-conscious" about her body wear a clingy dress, particularly one that requires her to go braless?

She's being bitchy about Nicole dancing with a married man, but she's a married woman who intends/plans/hopes to dance (and more) with Joey!

Mark finished off his second drink, the one that Joey brought, which was Tequila, but Mark says that VODKA is the only way he'll get through the night?

When she first grinded against Joey, she said he felt about the same size as Mark, the second time he feels bigger?

She's cheating on her husband, and is jealous that Mark fuck Nicole first?!

While the number of comments doesn't speak to the quality of a story, it DOES speak to how many people give a crap about the story, and judging by the number of comments most recent stories are getting, we're in a HUGE dry spell!

Talk about a cheap shot! Comments aren't stories! I'm sure (I hope!) that most of us edit our emails, but rarely out texts. Also, smart authors use editors for stories, I don't think anyone uses editors for comments!

. . . but the story was good. Good looking younger man, at a Christmas party, with two (or more?) female employees competing for his attention? Yeah, this does happen in real life.

You left Julie without a cream pie for her husband to discover as sloppy seconds, but cum stains on her clothes; knowing that they were spending the night, did they bring a change of clothes?

Julie could grab a drink and deliberately spill it all over herself, giving her an excuse to hand wash her party clothes in the suite bathroom, to wash away the cum stains before Mark finds them.

One mark of good writing: you haven’t written yourself into a corner, and could take this in several different directions.

Disappointed that it was only oral, hope she gets her pussy and ass fucked in future chapters. Maybe the 2 women can have a 3-some with him? He makes the women eat each other's pussies and assholes, after he comes there.

Writing isn't bad but can't seem to generate too much interest in the characters. Joey is apparently just an office lothario, Mark is apparently the two dimensional, "barely" adequate husband and Julie is the cliché cheating whore who is just another married notch on a lothario's diseased cock.

She immediately does things for Joey that she doesn't like doing for her husband but enjoys doing it for him?

You have painted yourself into a corner with your Julie character. She is a shallow, two dimensional and ultimately uninteresting character who isn't sympathetic or have redeeming qualities.

If you are intent on writing cuck and whore fantasies, this is in line with that strain of thought.

Writing is of decent quality but story is very shallow. The Nicole rivalry would be more interesting if Julie had any depth to her character.

This woman no longer loves or respects her husband so you can have her behave pretty much as you wish. Please do not try for a reconciliation. That ship has sailed.

Fixing that would help.at least with readability.

Just another married cunt whore of a wife cheating on and disrespecting her husband let them burn in hell I love how they pretend they don't know what's happening yet they eat it up cumming so many times. Go sit on slut Lane like the rest of you married wives that do this is there no real men out there that know how to burn the bitch good LOL

Your first mistake was hiring an editor who is not on the Official Loving Wives Approved List of Editors. Big no-no. It’s considered an insult, and readers will nitpick every last spelling and grammatical error because of that decision. In the future, if you want glowing reviews and high scores, stick to the list. All it takes is bending the knee and kissing a little ass.

Yes, the constant changes in tense was distracting, but guess what? This is a free, amateur, porn story site. And your first-ever entry on this site! How about give the newbie a little slack? The irony is that the anonies who tear apart these stories have never written more than a grocery list themselves.

What I found more distracting than the tense shifts was the repetitiveness of the plot. Someone gets up to get a drink, leaving the other two alone to ask if they’re having a good time. They all drink. Then someone leaves to go to the bathroom, leaving the other two to dance. Then more drinks. Then another trip to the bar/bathroom. It just sounds like such a boring party! Add some interesting dialog between bar visits and it might add some spice to the story.

The over-aggressive predator convincing the sexually-conservative wife to remove her panties in public and hand them over to him is one of the longest-enduring cliches on this site — BUT I liked how you added that twist at the end.

Where do you go from here? Maybe Mark discovers the Lewinsky dress and there is some sort of confrontation. That would be quite boring, though. Who wants to read about marital strife and divorce?

Maybe the narrator is so angry about being played by office stud Joey that she contrives some sort of revenge against him. Maybe she even teams up with her enemy Nicole to do so. Now that would be interesting.

Maybe the narrator feels so guilty about giving Joey a BJ that she somehow sets up hubby to receive a stranger’s BJ at the next Christmas party, just so they’re “even.”

There are many ways you could go with this. However, history has shown that most of these stories from newcomers end at Chapter One. My advice would be: never submit Chapter One unless you’ve already written every other chapter. But then, it seems that advice is too late.

Thanks for contributing.

Each day the same idiotic crap!!! A slut who cheats, a husband who is drunken or a pervert idiot like a cuck/wimp and thats your best? What a pathetic author you are!! If thats your view of a exciting erotic marriage then its the best you stop writing and go singing!!!

Complete trash and waste of time reading this stupid and nonsense story.

This story made me waste 5 minutes of my time.

1* for this lame.

Good for first attempt needs work but will get better i’m Sure.

Swingerjoe says there's a list of approved editors for loving wives? Where is it? I only know about the volunteer editor thing. What's all that about bending knees and kissing asses, anyway?

This just seemed like a pretty ho-hum story. I gave it a three.

good work looking forward to part 2

Where are the true loving wives stories where she loves and only want her husband?

NOT CHEATERS. NOT SWINGERS. NOT CREAM PIE FEEDERS.

A WIFE THAT WANT AND NEED ONLY HER HUSBAND.

DO THEY EXIST?

Not to worry, that's just SJ trying to stir up the hornet's nest again. His "approved" list refers to blackrandl1958 and some like-minded readers and authors.

He's been on a tear lately because he went away and was missed by few, so now he's back throwing bombs.

For the record, I don't care WHO edited this, but it wasn't done well.

So far kind of formulaic and routine. Wife with good but predictable marriage supposedly enamored of some predator hunk who inspires lust and stupidity. So, being the typical horny shallow female she throws caution and marriage to the wind and fucks the hunk. If there is going to be anything about this original or compelling I will happily give this a 5. So far its a 2. No surprises, no drama, no originality. A very very good copy. The Xerox score is a 2. But I will wait to see if there is more here than meets the eye. So far, not so much.

Get Mark in on the fun, I know he’ll play. Don’t leave him out and don’t sneak around. You’ll love it and so will your husband and Joey if you want too. More more xoxoxoxoxo Annette

Another cheating wife story. Garbage

Unless you can, go against the cuck majority, give Mark a chance to get even. Perhaps Nicole can seduce him and give him the wife's missing panties. Best case, Mark finds out and kicks Joey's ass severely. Man up, make it a BTB or at least scorch her a little bit. The cuck and cheating slut stories have taken over LW. Seems there are quite a few of us who don't care for them.

slut with no remorse?

If Mark rips her heart out in part 2, you can recover.

PS: I don't mean for real.

I feel like answering previous comment.

"If Mark rips her heart out in part 2"

Considering writer's name "Sissymjohnson"

I have opinion that story will end up with Mark

Sucking someone's cum from her stretched asshole!

-5

I didn't notice his pen name, so I guess my resolution is out. I'm going back to the old masters for my stories. All these new writers seem to have been raised by divorced women who hate men, and made them wear panties until they were 18.

Go back to the Golden Age of LA in Literotica, the new stuff, with a few exceptions, belongs to the cucks and cheating, slut wives. It isn't getting any better.

Your whiny rant is getting old. It's not true, and I don't think even YOU really believe it!

Anyone with an ID can post as many times as they want, unlike you anons who have to use multiple IP's to post more than once, they don't need other ID's.

Why so many of these authors do not know what love is in a marriage Feel sorry for them. Someday you find out what love is between a man and woman

Just anger that he fucked another woman first. But at no point did she mention she could taste another woman on his cock, so obviously, he didn’t. Or he used a condom.

And why do all these woman hate giving head until the lover shows up and then all of acsudden they love it? Or that their lovers cum is thicker and sweeter than anything else they’ve had. For someone who didn’t suck cock, she was quite goid at it.

1 well-deserved star.

He implied that he had fucked Nicole first, and that she should there fore taste her, and she didn't deny it, was just angry and humiliated.

To bad the hubby didn't cat h his slut wife. He should fuck Nicole in the ass and let the who're taste that.

You have managed to piss off the trolls...

I find your approach fresh and creative...+5 from me!!!

That was a good story with a twist ending. But honestly I didn't want the twist. I was looking forward to Joey getting a room then taking her up to it.

This could be a set up of Julie and that would be absolutely fun!

Keep it up rookie!

Wouldn't it be great if Julie returns to their hotel room to find out that Mark has vomited in his alcohol induced sleep and chocked to death in his own vomit. Of course this could have been because Joey spiked Mark's drink so that he could play around with Julie. Otherwise this rates as a solid 1* story.

A friend of mine started to fuck his coworker at the company Christmas party where spouses were invited. He whispered to her that he was going to fuck her with her hubby a few feet away. She drinking a lot and so was everyone and he kept sneaking feels. He had her tell hubby she was going to use the restroom and when she got to the hall took her to one on the other side no one used, a family one. He fuck her bent over the toilet, fingered her ass then pulled out turned her and finished in her mouth. They went back in and he had her kiss her hubbythen he engaged hubby in conversation. From that night he kept fucking her and even took her ass eventually. He really loved fucking her at the company events where family was invited. He had two coworkers walk in on them at the family barbecue while he was fucking her. She was pissed and nervous and had the family leave a little early but that didn’t stop him from hanging with hubby and kid until they left. She even said the next work day how humiliated she was and that they should stop . He still fucked her but not as often and never at the functions again . How often does this go on on the jobs , crazy .

Down graded a star for too much alcohol. Let people take ownership of their actions.

I know most of these stories are fantasy, but they all seem to center around a women who loves her husband but she wants to be a closet slut. No marriage is perfect until a couple is open to talking about everything including fantasies and desires. Hey if a wife is not satified total with her husband than it seems to give her the perfect right to cockold him. In teality, she's really just a slut who shoukd never had gotten married in the first place. Deep down, no one man or cock will ever do. So ladies, you need to sleep around safely that is and so do you guys before you ever get married. Maybe a law that says you have to be at least 35 yrs old before you can kegally get married. That wy hopefully most of you wll have been fucked by enough guys and girls so you can have a happy and have a Monogmous marriage that last. Besides it is just in a mans human nature to try to fuck every women he can its a primortal thing. There are also some women that can never be faithful. In the end the only way a man can ever fuck a women is one of only two ways that exists. She allows him or he rapes her. So if your wife or girfriend is out there fucking then its because she allowed herself to get fucked. Even if its a man. Shes allowed herself to get fucked. So my advise if you catch your women or man allowing herself or himself to get fucked, get rid of him or her. There are billions more where he or she came from!

Still waiting for.part two. Wanted to see if the author could save it. Guess not.

Fucking predator...

Yes she's a whore but it's a hot story told from her point of view which is different. What do you people expect? Knitting? Playing Pacheesi?

It's supposed to be exactly what this story is about, love lives of wandering wives. Now if she tied husband down and made him watch while she raved about her lover, and he got off on the humiliation, I'd go one star. But this hot escapade deserves a five!

R.

Did this lady hear of the word no? Mark needs to kick her to the curb.

I truly love a story where everyone in it is dumber than a stoned Trump supporter.