All Comments on 'The Dragonborn Comes Ch. 03'

First of all i definately like the potential of this series.

For this reason i'd like to give you some pointers to hopefully bring out that potential.

So as i said i like the potential but i would like to ask you to consider how you want this story to go: are you going for an erotic story that is there with the purpose of sexual gratification (a.e. 8/10 sexscene's or scenes building to sexscenes)

Or

Is this story more oriented to telling a story with some erotic scenes to spice it up (a.e. <6/10 sexscenes....etc...)

It now feels more like the first catagory, if you want it to be that fine but getting the full 3 games of content in this story will either feel very rushed or very repetative (leads to sexscene skipping for those that are here for the story and/or likely not finishing this story)

For example the scene with the qunari feels VERY rushed: o here he is let's grab him.

If i remember correctly you'd almost had to drag him away from his own death so this does 1 not fit with lore and 2 gives readers the feeling of a rushed story. I'm not saying you should follow lore to the letter but the qunari are a BIG part of the lore if you continue the series and colorring somewhat between the lines would heve to be done if you like a coherent story.

My suggestion in short: in case you want to make a cool/good story look at the balence between erotic scenes and the rest(worldbuilding, caracterbuilding, etc.)

Undead-dragon

Ps: english is not my main language so i hope i didn't butcher some words to much.

Hello anonymous above (or is it below? )

In answer to your question, I think it's half and half. There is a story but each chapter will have at least one detailed sex scene. What I've focused on are the relationships between all the characters instead of all the fight scenes etc.

Some chapters have more. Some chapters have less.