All Comments on 'Naive Soccer Moms/Internet Stars'

Blackmail sounds like a good idea to me. Maybe future stories. 5/5 stars.

Dewey Cheatham

FYI, when writing dialogue, the narrative associated with the dialogue (such as He said) is part of the same sentence AND paragraph as the dialogue. Do NOT but a paragraph break between the two parts.

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For example, here's part of your story.

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A couple of days later I received a text message during the day from my tech friend asking if my dad was home. I said,

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"No, he is out of town on business for a couple of days. What's up?" He said,

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"Well there is some activity in your parent's bedroom. You might want to turn on your monitor. I won't patch the other guys in unless you want me to."

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This should be as follows:

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A couple of days later I received a text message during the day from my tech friend asking if my dad was home.

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I said, "No, he is out of town on business for a couple of days. What's up?"

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He replied, "Well, there is some activity in your parent's bedroom. You might want to turn on your monitor. I won't patch the other guys in unless you want me to."

Thanks Dewey. I am not done yet with this story theme. Blackmail for sure.

Thanks anonymous for your input regarding dialogue. Very helpful. As a writer I am still learning. Punctuation, proper sentence structure, paragraph separation are all still challenging to me but I am a work in progress.