All Comments on 'I Stepped Off The Train - Missing'

Another wonderful story, AlexFourways!! Life can seem so full of sorrow and strife and missed opportunities, but hopefully, everyone can find a happy ending for themselves!! 5 stars!!!

Hi Readers! Flattered by the number of reads so far but puzzled by the votes which clearly have the jury split as there is a spread from 5 down to at least 3 and possibly 2 and 1. Please can I have some comments from those who feel I have missed the mark* so that I can improve? Is it as simple as Romance being the wrong catergory, or did the jumping timeline confuse?

Thanks in anticpation.

*all comments welcome and can make my day

Hmm, kind of a mixed bag here -- clearly a British writer writing about Americans, as there are numerous word choices that give that away: Americans would call it an "efficiency" as opposed to a "bedsit" for example. Calling Microsoft or Apple small companied in '95 is just factually wrong -- at that point Microsoft was by far the largest software company in the world, with over 17,000 employees and over $6 billion in revenue, and was the most valuable company in the US by 1999. (If you had invested $10k in Microsoft's IPO, you'd have been worth $10 million by 1990.) Apple didn't do as well in the 90s, but it wasn't a small company, with over 13,000 employees in '95 and more than $11 billion in sales.

That said, a nice enough story -- a bit schmaltzy at points, and it seems impossible that if Ben truly had those deep feelings for Tracy he wouldn't walk over and knock on her door. But I guess that wouldn't make the story follow the song.

“The course of true love never did run smooth". I guess Shakespeare knew what he was talking about when he wrote those lines!

5

Just to answer some points by SlithyTove, and these are not to rebuff him putting finger to keyboard as he has merit in doing so, but in case others wonder (I DMd him a full reply).

I should have made it clear this was in the UK, and the mistake was to call her mum's flat an apartment. I don't think we knew the word in 1990! I did mention Royal Navy and Dartmouth, but by then the idea of where in the world would be set in the reader's mind.

The words 'small computer company' was meant to refer to the computer, not the company. So I should have said 'personal computer company'. I don't think Commodore was small in its heyday. He went to work for ICL (International Computers Limited) a mid and main frame company, a British IBM wannabee.

I had to get the dissapeared somewhere in the story. In my mind he was giving her space but her mum haulled her away before she could bring herself to admit she was wrong. Pride is dangerous.

Also thanks Boyd Percy for your comments.

NOTE TO SELF :- Don't rush to publish. Leave it a week, re-read, re-edit, and repeat. Oh for an Editor or Beta Reader (Editors change things, Beta Reader comments on things that are not as they should be)

I personally think the '1' rating should be removed (I don't think anyone truly HATES a story) but it is often used as revenge or the reader is just in a pissy mood. Maybe Poor would be a better description, reserved for the few stories that have no redeeming qualities whatsoever.

Off my soapbox now; being a techie person I was a bit confused about the large vs small company descriptions so a bit of clarification in the story would have helped. I would agree the 'Mainframe was King' in the late 80's and early 90's and those personal computers were regarded as just fancy I/O terminals.

A Beta Reader, or even setting it aside and looking at it a week or 2 later would have picked up a few grammar errors and missing words. And wasn't it Mandy that set her off? Ben's explanation at the end referred to Wendy..