All Comments on 'Unspoken'

Well, that was depressing. It was interesting, good writing, I read every word, just... Write another. I'll read it. You got it, just... yeah. Randi.

This was going well until the abrupt finish. What is it with authors who leave the story hanging?

We are readers and not authors. I don't want to finish the story in my mind.

So what I'm supposed to imagine is her leaving to shag the boss while he starts the divorce. Is that it? No emotion from the wife when the papers are handed to her? No confrontation? Perhaps a second part where we hear the sit down conversation? It seems the marriage is over but perhaps there is still a small spark of love there? 3 stars for getting me annoyed.

Interesting. I wonder if in the morning he will be home. Or if he will have an appointment with a divorce lawyer..

I hope there will be a sequel.

Just the beginning I hope. This could go in so many directions.Go for it!!!!

Wow! This was freaking awesome!! No sex; but rather the sad realization that after 15 years, they have become roommates rather than lovers and instead of choosing each other, they choose to leave with others.

I hope there’s another chapter where he tosses her to the curb where she belongs and he does not become a cuckold. Until l see that this is a cuck tale untagged.

So, it earns 1/5 until l see different

What is the point? Is she cheating or going to cheat?

Wow. That was really good. *****

Horrible scene. The death of a marriage. Not that there was a marriage to begin with.

Ok….and so?

Great start...definitely needs to be finished.

...and this is where Michael takes out his SIG Sauer ans shoots the bitch dead..

DOL

I didn’t like the premise , but it was a bloody good story

Very good for the stylistic choice of making it this short, cut off, leaving the reader things to wonder, imagine, and be relatively sure about.

Damn shame about the wife and the marriage.

Good luck to hubby, in his endeavours.

Nice writing, on the precipice

Nice little story. I’m sure many will want a Part II but I think the readers realize how this will end. 5 Stars

I’m sure Allison is more than willing to take a ride on Lou’s dick as well as his car.

Very well done. Lots of complexity in a pair of conversations.

A simple question. You playing with another man’s wife is it worth your life? I’m old-school Italian and a 20 year marine.

Well written. In my mind she has already been the office whore for awhile and the mc is just reaching his breaking point.

This went nowhere

Please continue with part 2!

Good story,but he needs to take action on the wife and her boss!

🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟

Impressive. D

Fantastic short of a marriage’s final moments. Wonderful detail.

I liked it, but it's unfinished. I guess I can extrapolate and finish the outcome for myself. In my ending he tells Allison to not worry about him, he can find his own way and if she feels she and Lou has had too much drink to drive her home safely or it was too late maybe she should ask Louis Dalton III if she could use his guest room to "sleep in" he was certain Lou would love to offer her a safe warm bed for the night. It seems obvious that without children to bind the marriage together, there union was coming apart. The question then would be, will Allison realize she had pushed Mikey to the point that he didn't care anymore and was ready to call it quits? Would Syds comment make her see Michael has other options, or would she open her eyes to the facts in front of her, a senior vice-president's position earned by sleeping her way to the top, or throwing away 15 years of marriage? Weaving two lives together is always hard work. Each person has to give up a little part of themselves to make room for their partner to fit in, it's never the sacrifice of just one. It has to be both if they are to make it work.

Well written story but this marriage is over. Time to ask the bartender for a nightcap.

That turned out brighter than it started; got to love Syd — she’s definitely get the bartender therapy down pad.

This story begs for a part two. (Easy to say for a non writer).

This almost demands a follow up. I would love to see them have a private quick confrontation, he leaves and the wife has a similar conversation with Syd. I enjoy good exploration of dialog like this. Thanks for sharing.

It is a great vignette as is. And I would love more! :).

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What do you have in mind? A second part that risks the knife point balance you achieved with its glorious ambiguity or leave as it is with its excruciating uncertainty?

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Tasty

Too bad it ended there when it was starting to get good

I hate wimp stories. 1*

Cool, that should end things. No need to continue to pretend. Do the paperwork and move on.

I'm not one to beg for a follow up, but I'm begging. This one screams for it. You created such indepth characters, and such a poignant scene. I can't accept that this is the end of...all that!

Time to move on

OH, MY, GOD!! This needs a second part—a great story. I am officially a fan. More, please. And if you don't burn the bitch, I have relatives who can help. 7 stars, because it was too short. Thank you.

The BEAR

well done. fan here

will there be a follow up. is she worth keeping why even try she has left him behind

End of marriage and sue the company. Destroy Lou.

I certainly hope you continue this story.

Well done.

Just another wimpy man story. What was there to like about it??

Excellent slow burn story. I would love to see what happens next, but that's why it works. Ignore the FTDS shouts that will no doubt rage...this is the perfect ending.

I wish would let played out

2 stars because 1) the husband seemed to be a wimp. At the end, when she said about talking outside with Dalton & he should head home & not wait up for her, it's his chance to lower the boom, What will you be doing that'll take you so long to return? Thanks for ignoring me during this party. Maybe I'll go home but I won't be there. But he put his manhood between his ass cheeks & didn't really reply. Of course, there was that putdown that he didn't respond to.

2) the story's unfinished. Maybe the author's working on part 2, but why not indicate that in the notes? Or better yet, wait to publish this story to make it complete?

Again, 2 stars. Bob (If there is a 2nd part, I hope the husband finds his balls.)

Don't need any more. It's all been said. Or rather, "Unspoken."

Thank you!

I have to agree with most of the readers, in that it is left wide open and to many writers think that it is a good story to leave hanging when the readers pretty much hate "no ending" stories. This isn't a classic novel written here with the hope of a follow-up next book waiting to be published for you as the writer to make lots of capital gains on. Well done up until the ending.

Ugh. And by "ugh", I mean the sorry state of their relationship. He knows what she's about to do, and simply doesn't care enough about her (or them) to do anything about it. She knows that he knows, and simply doesn't care enough about him (or them) to do anything about it. For both, the SS Relationship sailed away years ago. Sad, but their relationship is so very realistic.

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Wow! And by "wow", I mean this is simply an excellent vignette, outstandingly written, tightly crafted and packed with far more character development than most authors do with ten times the word count. These are real people you've created, and that makes the story even more depressing.

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This story is excellent as-is and does not need a follow up but I'm looking forward to your next story - thanks!

Great story.

We need more stories like this, where the couple doesn't go off in emotional outbursts when they knew their spouse would "drop to her knees for a promotion."

Part 2 absolutely required or I'm going to come back and remove 4 of my 5 stars. Don't make us wait. Outstanding beginning. BTB ending would rule.

The story can end right here; we can all guess where it leads. But I would still like a Part 2. Mike needs to head for home and plot the downfall of Lou, Allison and their whole rotten company!

Like ALL the others - incomplete story...and it pisses me off! 3.4*

Sad.

Well written. Looking forward to seeing more of your stories.

Gave you 3⭐ s. Nothing new and short length. I'm

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AMerryman

Screams for a second part.

I'm quite surprised. Very good! 5 Stars from me.

Wow, really well done. Tense and taut. Guessing there won’t be a follow-up but would love for there to be a confrontation

Sorry it was a good start but like you stated not finished

Cuck tale in progress. Husband looking for his lost male brain.

STUPID!

5* You need a chapter with what Syd and he does next.

Good start, but a not very good finish.

Sincerely,

Payenbrant

While it works as a story, it is pretty clear the wife is going to fuck the big boss and it is likely the end of the marriage...it still feels too empty. Maybe the wife feels guilty and they find something. Maybe Michael gets some balls, hangs outside, catches Allison and Lou doing the nasty and creates a public stink. Maybe syd comes to his house and Allison returning from getting fucked ( that isn't so great), and sees him having the younger woman.

NJ Lauren has it on target 🎯 wife is either into the boss or not but the disrespect she is showing her husband is a problem. If you choose to add a second part of this I will come back and vote on this One 😁.

It was good, very good as far as it went. Then it failed: unfinished.

“Is he going to let you shift his gears? And how many of your coworkers are aware of your private interview? And you don’t consider that to be a problem?”

Time to fuck the bartender and spend the night with her.

We can only hope

Is there more? Good story so far.

Well done! If you don’t continue future chapters I am continuing this as Michael comes back to life from this near death experience. Yeah he will have Dusty Rose lipstick in his future. I see Allison reigniting her passion for Michael as he regains his passion for life and attracts younger women. Such great characters to fantasize about!

It’s a good story….it pisses u off….he should have told her…..you’re coming home with me,or fucking don’t come home……then I would have turned to Sydney…and ask if she needed a ride home…

Well written, and the last line tied a nice knot on the package. 5 stars.

Needs some serious burning and a follow on.

I imagine the conversation ends like this.

"Why come home at all? Just stay here. It's where you want to be anyway. Why are we kidding ourselves?"

Taking a mouthful of my whiskey, "I'm just gonna wait here for Syd to be done. Sip a bit of this. And ignore the fuck out of you the rest of the night. You used the word 'cliche' a minute ago. Its sort of funny...because in 5 to 10 years when I think back on this night? Thats how I'll be thinking about you. As a cliche. As THE cliche. My ex-wife the cliche corporate whore. Have a wonderful night."

And I turn an immediate 180 degrees on her. Front to the bar. My back to her. I hear her sputtering...I've never spoken to her this way before. But I don't care. I know it's over. We are over. This farce. It ended right here. Whether she knows it or not.

"You don't talk to me that way. Michael! I'm speaking to you!"

"So Syd...I want to sip a bit of this over the next...how much longer do you have until the job is done tonight for you?"

"Uhhh...about 90 minutes."

"Ok...so for 90 minutes. I don't want to be drunk. Just the slightest little buzz. So give me one more of these. A double. Put some ice in it. And then I'm going to drink some water after that. Because you and I are going to have some fun tonight Syd."

"Michael! I am talking to you. You can't just dismiss me like that. And what are you talking about with this, this...bartender? Having some fun? You aren't thinking about taking her back to MY house?" Her voice raising so others can now hear our interaction.

I get a raised eyebrow from Sydney as she is pouring my double on the rocks. And I turn deliberately towards the shrew that used to be my wife.

"Why are you still standing here dear? Why do you care? I'm sure you and your cigar buddy have already conspired to try and make a cuckold out of me tonight. Right?"

"The guilt washed over her face for an instant told the truth of that...and then was replaced quickly with indignation.

"I don't know what you are talking about! It's just two professionals talking about work."

"Sure. I'm sure he'll take a very personal interest in your advancement. And you'll be so grateful and accommodating...from your knees I'm sure. Now run along. And 'smoke' your stogie. Syd and I have a lot to chat about." I made air quotes around the word 'smoke'.

Again I turned my back to her.

She realized that everyone was staring at us...and suddenly didn't want to be the center of attention or the cause of company conversations next Monday at rhe water cooler. So she sputtered again for 15 to 20 seconds and then pronounced "you...you fucking asshole!" Quietly. As she walked away.

"Well...that was pleasant," said Sydney as she chuckled with a half smile.

"Yeah...we've been drifting along for a while now. In a river of shit. I guess I'm tired of of the drifting. Or the shit? I'm just tired of it. Of her. So...let's talk about this blow job comment of yours..."

This is why I sometimes click on a low rated story, to find a gem like this one. Quite clever, very well written, could have kept me interested for a lot longer. Would love to read more about 'Doctor Sydney' bartender in disguise.

I can relate. I thought my wife was cheating with a coworker and at one summer work BBQ she also ignored me and hung on that guys every word. I went up to her later on and said we need to leave. She said she was not ready and I can go ahead and she will catch a ride later. I looked at her "lover" and in front of everyone said "make certain she showers when you are done with her, I don't want her smelling up the house when she returns". I left her there and went home, packed, went to my brothers. We divorced a few months later with her swearing she never cheated. I don't care and don't miss her.

No man is this fucking stupid

I think you nailed it. Very good story.

ANOTHER author that just can't finish a story

Brilliant! One of the finest pieces I've ever read on this site. As Buster2U might say, ten big blazing stars!

JR

Well the barkeep, Sydney, was right... Allison is leaving her husband for her job promotion. Michael is now a cuckold fool or is he going to do the correct response and just disappear and divorce the lying cheating slut.? FTDS .... 2 stars for an incomplete story.

Another pussy husband, too wimpy to pull the trigger and end the disrespect. She told him to his face she's fucking the boss. That's what happens when you hang back, sulk and do nothing.

what a selfish bitch, why do people like this get married

"Really, Michael? The staff? Don't be such a cliché." - She talks about cliche? She's a living, breathing cliche, sleeping her way to the top.

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" He wants to show me his new BMW." - Bang! Rim shot! "a blowjob from ... in the front seat of his shiny, new BMW."

~~~

@Tajfa, what's hanging? His wife is going to fuck her boss, and he's going to fuck the bartender.

Good to a point. Give us part two with a severe burn for Allison and some serious physical damage for Lou.

4* because it's well written.

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Michael is milquetoast. "Gee, my wife's cheating. Oh, well."

Allison is a NPC.

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Syd is the most interesting character for me. She's probably seen this play out a million times. Is she really interested in Michael or just helping him see what she sees?

Don’t fucking leave us hanging

So Lou Fucks Allison and Mikey sues the company for millions for alienation of affection. There’s your part /.

"Thank you, dear. Enjoy your blowjob, I mean BMW and the old stogie where ever he plans to put it.

I'm going home to pack. You really don't need to bother to come home tonight. Or ever, for that matter.

As for me, there's a doctor friend of mine I am really wanting to get better acquainted with. B'bye."

Hoping part two has a car accident with the cheating skank slut choking to death on the cock down her throat she bit off at impact, while piece of shit Lou bleeds to death. Would be even better if hubby was driving the car that plowed into them and the best would be if he called Lou's phone about ten seconds before the crash and bid them both fond farewell!

Brilliant!

Too open ended a finish for me. Also not enough input from the wife even if it was just her thoughts.Could have been a 5, ended with a 3.

So, he just going to stand there and say nothing. At least tell her to come by and pick up all her clothes and personal items from the lawn before someone else takes them.

Glad somebody liked your story. I sure didn't.

Micheal needs a second chapter so he end this shit show of a marriage

Where's the natural end to this story? Cause there is no ending here...

... and so it ends, not with a bang but a whimper. Another marriage that started full of life and high hopes limply dies, and nobody cares enough to try to save it. No need for part 2; it is over.

I gotta agree with The BEAR. This needs a second part. The story raises the tension at a nice, comfortable pace and then stops. Readers all imagine their own follow up, but they are reading to discover what the author believes what happens.

Well, a good setup, leading to what? DerMtMan