So it appears, this is just another slut wife and clueless wimp former husband being manipulated by some despicable third class turd. Christ, author - hopefully this is not your center-piece of your literature head liner because so far it really stinks. Some advice don't give you day job and stay away from fags like shoe-guy-phil.
and very boring
I think this has the makings of a fine story but you need to pick up the pace a tad. Without a bit of sex the tale is getting a bit long in the tooth. Let's hope Janice will figure out that her husband got set up and that he isn't a cad after all.
I'm actually enjoying the story so far. The husband, while he hasn't tried to right things yet, hasn't become some useless drunk or spineless wimp. He's still moving on with his life. While he hasn't found a new woman yet, that may because he's putting everything into this big contract at work.
When you wrote the part about the daughter starting to succumb to Andy I was ready to write the story off. But not only did she resist, her mom found out too and threw him out. Hopefully he doesn't find a way to worm back in.
Can't wait for the next chapter, but please, make it a bit longer.
And still going the way of previous stories. I'd say finish it and move on to some new story.
... no ... she's just a plain, old whore!
I think you have ideas and talent, even though your work is amateurish so far. Keep at it, use common sense. It's likely this story could have been easily have been presented in one offering instead of broken up into one page chapters - structure you stories better. Good luck, we need better writers on this site and you could be one of them.
Problem is that they both seem to be totally over the marriage, it doesn't seem reasonable to me that neither seems to be experienceing heartache over the lost spouse...even if she does believe that he cheated there should still be some emotional attachment there if they were truly in love....I think you have marginalized their emotions and their marriage. The plot is there, but the content is not as strong as it could be.
Your penchant for good women becoming sluts, good husbands becoming wimps is already established by your previous endeavor 'Lady Captain'.
The point, you just wasted a chapter to try and fool your readers, we know you'll have her end up with Andy and we know eventually the truth about what happened to Jim will come out.
She liked Andy and his big dick, she has never forgotten their love before he hurt her. It's been 3 months and guys are hitting on her and she's horny.
In the beginning she had the intelligence, the common sense and the foresight to warm Jim about Andy and his underhanded ways. Now, she didn't even sit John down, hurt and feeling betrayed to try and figure everything out - No, she just threw him out. She knew he was with Andy and Jake, knew their nature and now she was willing to go on a date with Andy and even fuck him.
So, how many chapters before you get her involved with Andy and ruin this family - we know you're going to do it - it's who YOU are!
But if the business rat has been uncovered, when do we see hints of the sex/drug/photo setup?? Surely they cannot all be that lacking in foresight?
Keep on going. These folks seem more human and realistic than many of the main characters in this genre. I await the answers to the questions:
does the wife learn that she and her husband have been set up?
do they have enough of a marriage to get past this?
Ignoring the need for an editor (but it was better-edited than the first story, "The Lady Captain's Year"), my main issue with this part is the brevity. Not much happens. It ended up as barely one page. One would think it would be obvious that Jim was set up, probably drugged. Amazing his wife did not think of this (nor did Jim). I guess everyone is pretty dumb in these stories. Thanks for writing.
Why would anyone post a story on an erotic story site that didn't have any sex in it? WTF?
The husband may have been manipulated, but jumped in on his own. The slut wife has not slept with anyone yet. I know this way/will all change, but so far I do not know why the husband gets a pass. And I like the husband character. He is not portrayed as plan stupid. In fact the bad guy here so far is pretty pathetic and I cannot believe he was able to get the husband to jump off the wagon. I think it is well written even if I may not like were it is going.
You are a good writer, but your story belongs in Readers Digest Good story wrong sit!!! Good luck on future stories.
This author hates husbands. If you take a look at the other writings the husband always ends up getting the shaft, and the wife walks away like a saint, a complete slut that never has to pay for her actions.
Author just recycles same old story lines.
p.s. Why do people think that Anon is any different than a nomdeplume?
I have 4 different names that I use at different times.
leaving wife and daughter to the unprotected from the predator. TK U MLJ LV NV
This is just total mindless prattle. "1" !
Why did I start this? Only one more...
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