am voting 5*****. Could do with a spell checker and a few more commas. But It was an excellent read. I look forward to more of this.
Hey, thanks for the feedback! I've been criticised in the past for using too many commas so it would seem I've swung too far back the other way - I'll see if I can't find a balance. And I thought I had ran a spellcheck if I'm honest, went back through there though and actually cringed and how many I had overlooked! Submitted an edit for that, hopefully it helps.
Pretty sexy! I love space suit sexyness! Too bad you included the line about the helmet coming off though, I love it when the helmet stays on. Could you do more? Maybe involving both Elaine and Blue suited girl?
Continuing on my other comment...
maybe something like this
http://uz usio04.h.fc2.com/psh_honkan/idol_master/idol_maste r_panasonicsuits_yayoharu_yuri.htm
http://uzusio04.h.f c2.com/psh_honkan/idol_master/idol_master_panasoni csuits_yuri2.htm
or for a more alien involved thing
ht tp://uzusio04.h.fc2.com/psh_honkan/idol_master/ido l_master_panasonicsuits_mikimiki_syokusyu.htm
http: //uzusio04.h.fc2.com/psh_honkan/idol_master/idol_m aster_panasonicsuits_nebaneba.htm
This is more non consent than sci-fi. Except for the ship and the monster from Japanese tentacle porn it was all sex, and the majority of that was rape.
Other than that it was not a bad story, just not my personal cup of tea. Still gave it the four stars for the writing that I did though.
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