All Comments on 'Cupid's Deputy'

Great start!!

Good So far! Please write more.

This was as brief as a sneeze. When creating a new world, flesh it out a lot more than this.

I agree with most of the others, it's a good start, but it would benefit from more background. It has the beginnings of a good story: some plot, very few errors, and the promise of sex to come. It does just seem short for an introduction

Only real issue was the weird switch between third person and first, and then back to third. Stick with one.

I can only echo what others have already said. This was a great START of a story.

As a first post, congratulations. I am too much the coward to put anything out there yet so you are far ahead of me. If this was just to get some confidence, I hope you succeeded. We clearly want more.

A couple items to consider:

Let us have a clue about how or why this is happening. Did Eric do something the night before and was rewarded? Give us some help imaging how this came about.

Watch the editing. It can really though off the flow to have error in spelling, tense or grammar.

But I hope to see more of Eric and your work. Thanks

Personally, I think this is great and would love to see a continuation. Keep up the good work!