All Comments on 'My Ex Fiancée'

Fan-fucking-tastic!

Revenge is best served cold, especially when it's as well planned, and documented as it was in this story.

An enjoyable fun filled read from start to finish.

Not much more needs to be said. Well done and thanks for your hard work.

Woodmanone

Loved it.

Sometimes when I see someone's written more than three pages, I know there's going to be some dull filler I'll have to wade through. That's not the case here.

Thanks for a good story.

A bit dry and factual, but proof that a BtB story can be intelligent, well-paced, and more about righting wrongs than some extreme Muslimic lust for violence. Fun read.

Outstanding BTB. I knew you had it in you, Charlie! I could go into the syntax and grammatical errors, but I'll just say that a good editor would be a plus in your future tales.

5 Stars.

You've written a very good story that is harmed only by a lack of proofreading and editing. Having said that, your wrap-up only hints at the ultimate emptiness of his life despite the success of his well-executed and well-merited revenge. He ends up alone and distrustful in the boonies, unable to pursue his intended profession. There are no winners here.

I enjoyed your BTB Charlie. I think I'll try another one of your stories.

Happy Holidays !!

and ended messy confusion. Was it all worth the price, TK U MLJ LV NV

I did like it, and you managed the players well. But what was missing was THE confrontation between Georgia and our hero. You had started to set it up well, she had her friend for support, who turned on her quickly, but it just was missing.....something. Emotion, feelings, something. He uses her to get the info he needs to burn his boss, but she agrees to cooperate much to quickly, while she is getting nothing out of it. I think he could have persuaded her to help, while agreeing that the relationship was over, BUT it would have taken some skillful dialogue, and persuasive arguments. What I am saying, is that you could have achieved the same results plot-wise, but it would have been more convincing if you had worked on that part of the story more. Sure he is upset, the revelation hurts, but we never get to feel his pain at her betrayal. The best BTB stories (which I love BTW), have him making HER feel the same pain, so that she realizes she REALLY has to change her behavior. It may be over for them, the wedding called off, but she has to learn a lesson, that she will NEVER try to pull this kind of shit again. In this story, it comes across that neither of them really had strong feelings for each other. Seems to me that with or without the cheating, this relationship was doomed anyway. So, yes, it feels good to know that he was able to pull out BEFORE taking the costly plunge!

Good job.

There's a difference between a proofreader & an editor. Both could improve your story but it's already better than 90% of the submissions.

Glad to see the Aussies represented.

Good story, a bit predictable but well written. Nice change of scene from most of the takes.

Thanks for the positive comments, very much appreciated.

Sorry for errors in syntax and grammar, English was never my strong point at school, maths always seemed to make more sense to me.

@ anon, you picked my Achilles heel, at exactly the point you noted I got stuck and couldn't make the confrontation "zing" the way I wanted. I knew how I wanted to finish but I had to find a way through that bit. I "plastered" over it and moved on but was never completely happy with how it read.

Finally a warning, the fact you like this story is wonderful but it's the only BTB that I've written. The other stories I've written and especially the one pending at literotica may not be for you. I like to mix things up.

Bye for now

Hi ho hi ho it's off to work I go!

Charlie

for her parents and for her what a bunch of crap, a story should be somewhat believable this was just plain foolish i believe her father was the only one she wasn't doing.

I thought the story was pretty well researched and played out well. Keep up the BTB stories. I like 'em. Cheers!

I understand her whoring for her Job. But I don't understand why she kept doing his friends. I still enjoyed reading it. Great read. 5*

...thank you for the opportunity to read it. 5*.As to her: Some slut..would have been a nice turn giving her something to remember a lifetime, a nice STD, for instance.

I did like it, I think he should have worked with her to take his and her bosses down and sued big time. He for wrongful termination and he help her to sue for blackmail to become the company whore. I know she wasn't but how could her boss prove other wise with the sex tapes he had of her with his clients. It's not like they signed a legal document and even if the others at the place she worked thought she did it on her own free will, how could they prove she didn't If they worked together they would walk away with way more then what he got, maybe millions. He could of gotten her to do all the nasty stuff for him that she did for others they both act like the injured parties making it look like she was blackmailed. Sure he is upset he found out she was a slut, but he could of had a virtual sex slave during this time. To get her to work with him all he had to was tell her that she really has to change her behavior and promise she will never try to pull this kind of shit again with him. Tell her they have to hold off the wedding, while he waits to see how the both law suits come out, hers could be the big money maker. If hers goes into the millions then marry the slut while hiding his money and live off hers and catch her again and then divorce her and take half of what she got. To me that is a better revenge at the same time using her for what she is, a slut. He can't act like he is above this behavior since he went off with Miss Rich Slut and not only fucked her but her staff and anybody else that he could catch and was at least breathing.

Woodmanone said it all! My thanks to Charlie.

Liking the realistic ending but the cops that enjoyed being blatantly lied to, manipulated, yanked around, and being used at his beck and call were the stuff of pure fantasy. I'll call it a wash, as it was otherwise enjoyable. Keep it coming.

when a plan comes together..

Fun Read-Thanks!

Typos. The bane of my professional life. But over all a good job. Well-paced, well-told.

Very good story. After reading this and your other offerings I see a new talent appearing on this site. About time the Aussie were represented..

From America I am

AMerryMan

Proof read. Don't rely on spell check.

Specifically

Defense

Crotch

To/too/two

There were others.

That said. It was nice to see the good guy doesn't walk off a millionaire with three hot babes on his arm.

Realism matters, even on fantasy sites.

which one has the white elephant, TK U MLJ LV NV

That was a great job and it worked. He still got screwed over but got some retribution.

C,

Very nice and had a realistic sense to it.

Matt Moreau

This was entertainment to the max!! Thanks for sharing.

I enjoyed your story. Like in real life no one ends up a real winner.

Excellent revenge. All the low-lifes got what they deserved. A continuation of this tale would be welcome.

"That said. It was nice to see the good guy doesn't walk off a millionaire with three hot babes on his arm.

"Realism matters, even on fantasy sites."

++++++++++++

Even in fiction, characters, plots, time flow, events, etc. had to be within believable range. Just because people, here and elsewhere, are writing to entertain it doesn't mean characters need to be Rambo, Colombo, John Wayne, Chuck Norris and Bruce Lee all at one and/or all the time, in addition to having unapproachable moral and ethical degrees several standard deviations from the means, etc.

A certain sense of REALITY (vulnerability, conflicted thoughts, second guessing, the losing of money, things, libs, etc) built into the characters and the stories DO GIVE them a certain good degree of believability for the AUDIENCE, on the one hand, as well as shows the ability of the AUTHOR to think and write, on the other...

Great story, worth 5*.

And I agree wholeheartedly with Ghengis - reality wins every time!

Unfortunately you are a very good story teller but a very poor writer!!

You obviously didn't spend a single second over proof reading!!

I know school children who are better writers with a much better knowledge of spelling, grammar and punctuation!!

Get yourself a good proof reader and/or Editor!

Sorry, instead of 5* I am only prepared to give you 3*

If you feel inclined you have the basis for a very nice romance story in the outback. All the pre-story and trimmings are already there.

Many thanks for sharing

The characters were a little. This story had thriller/farce/ drama elements that sometimes clashed but this author has a way of making things wash clean in the end. The scene with initially skeptical cheating fiancé's father was really touching & showed a flair for nuance.

I always need one memorable scene to award full marks & that was it. The intro was weak tea in contrast to rest of story. Have a bit more care in that area & Crikey; we readers might be lucky enough to have a Aussie variant of Micheal Crichton circa ' Rising Sun' mode to deal with in Literotica. **** content + * for daring & imagination .

I was pissing myself laughing as soon as we got to old Jackie Rine-Hill so I was unable to pick myself of the floor to read the rest.

I also concur with FD45 and GerghisKhan.

Perhaps Penny could have given some financial support or even hooked our hero up with dome potential marriage material females !

Good guys may not always come off best in end, does mean they can not have lucky break in the future

@ Dear Author cheating wife and cheating fianceé stories are equal LW stories. If Georgia had been only girlfriend in that case your story would not have been LW story...... It is a very good Revenge Fireworks story and 5*****. In FrancisMacomber's story "Six O'Clock News Slot" the custody winner ex-husband lost his job in Birmingam Alabama and he must to move to Mobile. The triumph is not 100% in every case........unfortunatelly.

Well, one to start with. Either Penny is a giga-rich ugly duckling whose main attraction is bank account, or she is a plain and stout party animal (still giga-rich)! If the latter (as the story wraps-up), she would probably have thought Geoff's betrayal humorous! If the former, then her 'party' actions (which turned Our Hero off from considering a long-term union) would not have happened!

That could have been resolved with a little 'trash' pillow talk (about her size and looks) by Geoff on the video! Then her later character wouldn't matter - or need to drift!

@ One Quibble

There is no doubt Penny was a cartoon character, very sketchy and I suppose just a way to get at Geoff. In one version of this tale I fleshed her out and the story followed Penny and Adam on their holiday. However it became another story altogether of two people on the rebound who initially clung to each other then fell apart as they coped with the break up in different ways. It had added another two pages to a long story that in the end I deemed unnecessary.

In my mind Penny is mega rich mildy ugly duckling who always wondered wether people were her friend just because of her families money. Geoff was her first true love and that's why she took it so hard. Later with Adam the trust issues were to great.

Hope that explains it.

Charlie

I am thinking you meant to write 'defence' instead of 'defines'. Unfortunately whatever goodwill I had regarding the story evaporated quickly seeing this spelling error over and over.

The style was a bit too colloquial for my tastes. Thanks for the offering.

Why oh Why cant you get it right

"Georgia is currently being accessed by medical staff and having samples and a statement taken"

work it out yourself what is wrong.

Ya there were some rough patches but I didn't have to pay for it so no big deal. I found it an entertaining story. Thanks

Very thorough. No loose ends. I liked the fact that everything did not wrap up in a perfect bow. Real life isn't instant millionaires after their cuckolding. Maybe a little over the top but incredible writing.

I liked the fact that the first girl mentioned after he discovered Georgia's cheating did not become his new betrothed. So many stories the first character that has a name is the new girlfriend/boyfriend.

***** Five big stars! Please write more!

KEEP WRITIN DUDE.

TY, bill.....

But it was riddled throughout with errors (missing words and typos). Why would you go to the trouble of writing and posting a story, and then evidently not bother to proof read it? You could do better. But thanks for posting.

I would have enjoyed a little bit happier ending for Adam, but overall this was a good read!

Good Story, Nice content well worth reading. I do agree with other comments were several typo's that could have been brushed up with a better review but really didn't detract from the over all story. Just the grammar has to be really bad for it to catch me.

Worth the time to read and give you strong encouragement to keep writing. Especially since this was beyond a typical length story and you did well covering all characters, and plots to the end.

Other than some grammar issues still a five star

Keep writing and I will look forward to reading your work again

Give me a good reason why the piece of shit fiance left with only her reputation harmed? Bullshit.

All great stories have short endings. Thanks!!

Way too many misspelled words, improper words, comma spliced sentences. Good tale, but horribly delivered. Fix it, and resubmit.

You never really told us why and when Georgia starts messing around! Was she a slut right from the start or did it start her new job duties? We never really heard Georgia's side of it. Was she EVER faithful?

I, for one, am interested in reading about that! Maybe new story?

The worst. 1 Star.

I don't know he kept it all together, after wife's betrayal.

but very difficult to read. There were so many spelling and punctuation errors I had to back track several times to try to figure out what was meant.

A diligent proof reader would turn this into a very good submission.

There are so many errors that it appears to almost be another language.

Is Australian a separate language?

Penny is made into a ridiculous throwaway character when she goes from cheated on fiancee to superfreak.

Like the Rick James song - She's a very kinky girl The kind you don't take home to mother

Why would such a player get so upset over her guy getting a little on the side?

Sending him off to deal with killers?

doesn't keep the wolves at bay, TK U MLJ LV NV

It is a fact that nearly 10% of school leavers cannot read or write. You can see that in virtually every Aussie writer on Lit ! Just give their shit 1* it deserves.

BTW , I am sorry to admit, I am an Aussie as well. (Legacy of the fucking Brits!! )

There is no comment on whether Penny fucked around before she became a cuckoldress. Based on that I would assume she wasn't. As a newly single girl with a possibly over average sexual appetite, there is nothing to keep her from getting her jollies as she sees fit.

The writing was almost in code. How do you go from "defense" to "defines", repeated over and over so no typo. And any jerk that spends twenty thousand on golf clubs deserves a whore for a fiance.

I find it hard to believe English is your native language, although most English speaker would believe that of Australian. Go back to primary school.

He is good friends with a business gossip column writer, why didn't he turn that guy loose on the people that blackballed him?

They blackballed him for exposing corruption while they were themselves corrupt, highly newsworthy.

Even if it didn't help him with career prospects they deserve to be burned.

Who wants a corrupt banker?

He already got him. Everyone else in banking is just running from him because they're afraid he was involved as well. Or maybe because they figure if they hire him he might find whatever skeletons they have in their own closets.

who cares if your english was a bit …… well …… Australian! Good plot, good pace and great ending!

meet the 3 Stooges. TK U MLJ LV NV

not too bad. needs editing.

Some authors don't have the balls or the ability to finish the dam story........5ssss

Good start though....bill

"in flagrante deflector" – um, I think you mean “in flagrante delicto”!

"Jim said he felt I wasn't contributing enough to the team effort.” - I thought his name was Jeremy?

Why is she so worried about her job? She’s about to marry the “wonder kid”! As long as she keeps her legs closed and she’s set for life!

I’ve been reluctant to hassle you over typos (crutch for crotch?), but this one was too extreme, and repeated two sentences later! “Turnbull's defines” – I’m SURE you meant DEFENSE!

But he really got the shaft. In the end he looses everything. Future wife - gone. Home - gone. Job - gone. Friends - gone. Fairly well written, but lets face it. This was depressing as hell! More fun to read the obituaries.

Well balanced and well thought out. The baddies got their comeuppance, and our hero ends up with a job that he'll probably enjoy far more than what he was doing before. What could be better?

Georgia was not yet our mane character's wife she was still his finance.

other than the proof reading errors, it was a very entertaining story.

Were you being ironic?

in defines of the author (defense?)

Georgia was not yet our mane character's wife she was still his finance. (main? fiancé?)

other than the proof reading errors, it was a very entertaining story.

proof reading errors

Too funny. ;)

But yeah, the story could have done better with someone familiar with some mainstream form of English looking it over before it was put up.

that was my attempt at humour.

In the story defense attorney was repeatedly misspelt, as was fiancée (among so many others.)

I did like the plot and story line, but the constant errors drove me right round the bend, or as some would say, nucking futs.

Eat it annony! you are the worst

Both defence and crutch were correctly used. There are actually actually regions in the US that use both forms, which are correct. Americans are so strange about language that we borrowed.

defense |dəˈfensˈdēˌfens| (Brit. defence)

noun

crutch |krəCH|

2 archaic another term for crotch (of the body or a garment).

Old English crycc, cryc, of Germanic origin; related to Dutch kruk and German Krücke .

Unfortunately the comment you refer to was not from me. I think from experience it was "vastiesmith2" or "bonnietaylor2."

Anyway it's nice to see they let you out or took off the straight jacket long enough for you to get your hands on the keyboard. Hope you had fun reading this story a second time or was it your third? You've posted your "drivel" and "illiterate" comment twice before the last one.

Maybe if they let you sign up for a name you could check through the previous comments and see that you had been here before. Or is it that you can't remember your name?

Anyway enjoy your freedom and don't forget to keep taking the pills.

CharlieB4

loved the story. Just curious, why didn't your main character a good reference w/the severence package? If couldn't have his then get some money!!!

But way too many punctuation and typo mistakes. Either an additional editor, (four

eyes are better than two), or a new editor would probably help.

All the simple mistakes just made it more difficult to read.

is there anyone she didn't fuck? total bullshit. and get a fucking editor.

Would have liked to find out what the hell was passing for a brain in Georgia's head.

That was one fucked up slut!

I couldn't stop reading it. It was well written and flowed nicely. I can only assume that those anonymous who didn't like this story are just dumb rednecks who voted for Donald Trump. Enough said, lol!

Get an editor!!!! How to fuck a story up...just read this one!

You write really interesting stories. I love them!

Thanks and hope to read more:)

Ed

I love stories where the villains get their due.

Actually it was just some still in denial vapid Obama-Clinton supporter. I apologize to the author for responding to this anonymous poster on your stories page.

I really hope there is a part 2!

I enjoyed the story. I didn't find the typo's and spelling errors distracting enough to lower my 5* rating.

Question: How could Adam be a cuckold if he wasn't married?

@silentsound: You are wondering what happened to Georgia's brain. That's obvious - I was all cummed up!

i loved this one Charlie, i like that everyone who did wrong got what they deserved... i can't wait to read more of Your stories!!

Thought this would be one of those deals where the guy gets every damn thing handed to him too easy, and with nothing but narration like a formula. But no, somehow the writer turned it around.

The interplay between the protag and the gossip columnist was the type of thing that helped round out the story. And there were quite a few things that could have gone many different ways, giving the story quite a circuitous ramble, but somehow our writer kept pulling a rabbit out of somewhere dark :))

Quite well done. Bravo, Sir.

I may not like all of his stories, even hate some of them, but I always enjoy reading them. They seem realistic too, like at no point do I go the cops would never do that or in what world would that happen?

Might not like all the stories, but keep looking forward to more.

He got revenge on everyone who betrayed him. Loss of reputation, jobs, and getting prison is pretty good. But I would think that a good Aussie man would extract a little hands on satisfaction.

The best story I have read in a while. Great plot, realistic characters, careful details and just splendid writing, ending without embellishments.

Man, this is some serious work worthy of a movie screenplay.

but I'd have gone for it, even if she cheated any halfway decent prenup would get you more than 50 mil in a divorce from a billionaire

3 Stars. The ending left you feeling like a deflated balloon.

It sucked. No real ending. Everything wa see left open.

Come on people, quit playing games close it up or keep going for more chapters.!!

Pretty well written. Seem to get a little tiresome after awhile. All in all not a bad effort.

Turnbull was cheating on his wife. He passed all of his money to his wife when they divorced. Turnbull was a banker who was charged with financial crimes. He would never get a high paying job. He was a balding overweight cheating asshole. So I would of thought that Turnbull’s wife look for a toy boy?

I like the way they do things in Australia. Sorry the guy got screwed by his fiancée, but at least he found out before he got married. 7 stars, the Bear approves. Met a guy named Peter Woodbury, RAAF ,when I was in 'NAM, reminded me of him. Keep writing, mate.

The BEAR