All Comments on 'End of the Innonence'

After re reading this story I found a few mistakes. I'll correct them later. I'm working on Part II now. It's gonna be a big suprise. Just like I like them.

It's about time someone stood up for us guys that furnish all the money......thanks.

What an excellent story!!

Finally, a wimp that sees the light! God, it felt so good when she kicked her out of his house.

I will wait impatiently for the second part.

Thanks.

Its about time that stories that show what really happens when a wife screws around....I have never met a guy who wanted to be a cuckold, but you would think the worlds full of them the way you read'em here

not that we want to hear Heidi saying she's all innocent, etc., but I think some like to hear what really led her to become such a person, when she was someone Kirby truly loved (and may still love, somewhere deep in his soul),,,

the other thing is, if there's something deeper to her than this cheat slut, what are her feelings, emotions right now? her thoughts about families, life, the future, the past, where she's going from this point, etc,,,

This rating will have to change if he takes her back in the Part II.

I really couldn't figure out why he waited so long after what she told him about her actions and future plans.

Nightowl21

It is so good to see stories that don't portray the victimized partner in an accepting and humiliated weak personality. Good character, definately interesting.

When it is not a wimp story written by some pervert.

Pretty good story. You said there was going to be a sequel. Was it ever done but under a different name or have you lost interest?

A story where the whore wife gets what she deserves.Although i have to say that if i was that guy i would have done that along time ago and i wouldn't of have been so generous at the end.Hell I wouldn't of have given a fuck what happened to her after that day..Yes i am a vindictive person.

never got around to writing a comment.

This is a pretty black and white story - no confusion at all!

I do find it hard to understand why he let them stay for three months - even given what he felt he owed her.

Bottom line though: you play, you pay!

Good story, nice read!

DJ

appropriate name for the husband. to do nothing while your family home gets trashed by lowlifes, pay for their drug habits, let them humiliate you for several months is unbelievably stupid. the guy must really doesnt have any self-respect and deserved to be treated as such.

i like the writing, i just want the story to be a little more realistic and a lttle bit less fantasy.

When a wife becomes a whore. No Bullshit, although the fighting sequence was a little overdone. "National Champion" and "7th Degree Black Belt", well that's a little over the top, but it did make for a more interesting story.

Considering the age of this particular story, it can be said that this was a starting point for the "wimp husband / slut wife" idiots out there. From here the disease spread quickly. Husband runs away when he should have finished the job with the two whores buried in the desert with at least one bullet between the eyes. However, the gene pool will remain to be polluted by these bad & sick genes.

1) she WAS a sweet good-natured wife

2) he let that shit happen for 3 months - and all of a sudden he finds his balls. And he knows karate

3) 7th dan? I'm not sure if he's even old enough to get it - especially if it's meant to be before he met heidi; 3rd dan or even 5th dan would be more believable..

I can only assume that he was gathering evidence or planning some extreme revenge - or it's just a fantasy story with bad plot but hey it's a fantasy written out on the fly

But I like it when the good guy wins...

1* stupid.

she thinks "Grape Nuts" is an STD

she thinks "Grape Nuts" is an STD

well dude eventually you may just have to go out there and find out for yourself. So why don't you get off yer lazy minimum existent faggot ass, shape up a little(why do all fucking useless cunts wear jogging pants)and find a pretty gal to show you? Or you'll just end up like all the other jaded asexual twats on the site continuing to give it the troll, giving it the big I am with your ridiculous dribbling cock in your hand. If you're american it'll be easy. Just ask yer next door neighbour's wife. Though hubby might want to suck you off first...

I guess I should have taken it as a warning that the word "innocence" was misspelled in the title. Things didn't improve all that much in the body of the story.

The mistakes in grammar were only the start of the problems with this story. There was an extreme lack of logic to the whole thing. Consider the wife, Heidi. At the start of the tale she is a caring loving woman, who seems to genuinely love her husband. At no point does she complain of being alone too much, or being unsatisfied in the bedroom. Now if she were a shallow person, I could certainly see her finding a lover. But to progress to the point that she not only cheats, but throws it in her husband's face is a bit of a stretch. It is also somewhat illogical that this woman would risk such open disrespect and adultery with a husband who is a millionaire, thus putting her "gravy train" in danger. This seismic shift in her actions is never explained and leaves us more than a bit perplexed.

Now let us consider the character of the husband. Here again we have a man who has a mystifying duality. On the one hand he is a man's man. He is obviously a self disciplined man, after all he has aquired a black belt in karate and is head of a thriving business. Yet, he allows himself to be humiliated by this adulterous cow and her motley crew of friends for three months until he finally summons up the balls to correct the situation.He also allows his family home to be trashed and his deceased mother's jewelry to be plundered. No self respecting man could be that tolerant or forgiving no matter how much he had loved his wife in the past. Even after he manages to break free of this unrealistic trap he finds himself in, he is filled with concern for his soon to be ex. It just doesn't pass the smell test.

The problem with this little tale is that hanging over it all is an air of inconsistency and characters who seem to have a severe case of multiple personality disorder. The reader is asked too hard to swallow his or her incredulity by the whole thing. If the author works on his grammar and tries a little harder to create characters that are consistent and believeable, then he has the makings of a decent writer. This story is neither consistent or believeable unfortunately.

Thanks for sharing.

What made him wait three months before throwing the trash out? That's my only problem.

cornhole busted wide open, he licked the stiff rod, betrayed!

Thanks for sharing.

The kernal of the story might have been usable. But the application was bad.

Her whoring around shouldn't have gone on past the first day before he shut it down. And that shit about her not knowing he's a, what was it, 7th degree black belt? What relationship would get to the marriage point without the partner knowing that?

But you did a nice job with the fantasy ending -

Enjoyed the story and could see a guy allowing himself to be taken advantage of by someone who thought he loved. Luckily when his true power arose and he turned off all the money spouts and tossed them out of the house they were shocked. Especially when he destroyed the big idiot that fucked them and then sealed the deal when his buddies came to turn the other idiots away.

This guy doesn't make ANY sense. If you want to remove a bad influence from your life the LAST thing you do is keep propping her dumb ass up. Also, sometimes tough love is the ONLY love a dumb cunt understands. At which point you're better off just cutting her out and moving on.

1*

Thought the idea was good but didn't care for the ending. I'm just having a hard time suspending disbelief

She's started doing drugs,moves in a girlfriend....and has a constant train of men trampling through his house.....and he put up with it for 3 MONTHS!! Wow! Finally he says that he's had enough of her shit,and starts giving tough love to her and her bi-friend. Beats up her latest paramour,Moose. Took him long enough to grow a pair. That "State Champion" 7th Dan shit is bull. You went Waaaaaaay overkill on that.1st or 2nd Dan....Maybe ...for his age. Even if he trained from childhood under a reputable Japanese Sensei or Chinese Sifu,he wouldn't be higher than 3rd Dan Black. You don't have to get things perfect,but at least do the research. In closing,to me it seems that the main character oscillates between having a Mangina and being Superman.

so a multi-millionaire 7th degree blackbelt that has a gang of tough monster guys puts up with his fiance cheating on him and rubbing it in his face for 3 months before he goes btb on her. this was written by either a 12 year old or a total idiot.

Perhaps a writer of Delta Force or someone who has seen it over 12 times on purpose

wimpy pathetic auto-bio tales

1 star

and fuck you in the heart dear annony!! I gave it a 5

You ever hear of assault, attempted murder, rape of two women, among other crimes? Those men were invited into his and her home by her invitation. I would say his 'millions' will be spent by his lawyers keeping him and his 'friends' out of prison for the above crimes and she and her girlfriend will be dining and playing while he gets raped in jail.

Just my opinion which are like assholes; every has one.

and quoting the "real" law and telling what would happen in the "real" world. Well this ain't it. This is lovingwivesland and all of that kind of stuff works here. But keep posting the "real" stuff if it floats your boat. I guess you don't believe he's a 7th degree karate black belt dude either. Oh well.

Reads like it was written by a high school kid.

three-time Nat'l champ cost the author another star. Finished with two. Did the author really have our hero living in the guest room for three months? Why? Do I dare read Pt. 2?

The tags REALLY sucked, but I won't want to do a tag search so I can read this again at a later date.

or is it Snow White, or maybe Sleeping Beauty. I don't know, one of those fairy tales.

and eats the shit floating by. I gave you a 5 for your effort and content of story. Good read!!

stupid absurd shit. no wonder bony/vastie rated it 5.

1* garbage, and please learn the difference between your and you're.

He"s a 7th Degree black belt!! LOL! Get Fucking Real! I forgot to tell you! hahaha. Well I won't forget to tell you that this story is SHIT! He put up with her shit for 3 months! ..He has shit for brains also! I can't believe the number of writers that solve there story problems with the guy knowing martial arts, is in the navy seals or the rangers etc., or he owns or works in security. Get a new storyline please..these old lines are getting real stale!

3 seconds....

"He had tried to overlook what was going on, that it was a phase Heidi was going through."

You actually wrote that?????????

As someone said 3 months, more like 3 seconds. Stupid story.

He allows them to walk all over him for three months then he gets upset and throws out the trash? What garbage writing. Why did he change the locks on the doors to his house if he was just going to left them in anyways? Dumb like Trump! These girls like big dicks so why as a going away present does he give them new big dicks to play with? This sounds like Trump and the porn star/hooker! Deny, deny, and again deny! It didn't happened I paid her because I didn't want anyone to know about my "small hands => small dick"!

Does the author have an editor? Jeez, his title of the next chapter is misspelled. Come on Rob.

End of the Endless Nonsense...damn that spellchek

This doesn't make any sense. He's a wimp for months and puts up with scores of lovers and being a cuck......then all of a sudden he's a badass who can take down huge guys without a scratch? I think this might better belong in the SciFi section.

Mr Bad put up with slut Heidi and far Fawn for three months, and him a 7th degree black belt. All that backup too. WTF!

You call this a story?

The simple truth is that Kirby, Nathan and the other men deserve better than the likes of those women, even if just to use them. I wouldn't touch either of them for any reason.

That was absolutely dreadful.

Misspellings in the title. Poor characterizations. Ridiculous plot. The only saving grace was that the story was short.

What a yawn! Do you know that 'your' is not the same as 'you're', obviously not!

It’s a very bad sign when you have a spelling mistake in the title.

Good god it’s only 4 words.

Ummmm........I'm speechless. Simply atrocious.

You really need either an editor or to repeat 8th grade.

Don't quit your day job...

Forgot what a mess this was. You've done so much better.

Unwanted gang bang rape is definitely is one big thing I find disgusting and hate. I think it is best to tattoo on Heidi's breasts whore, scarlet "A" on her back and then kick her cheating ass to the curb. As for her friend, have surgery to close her disease cunt and force feed her so that she is way bigger than her original weight where she has a fat moon face and a belly so big that she can't see the floor three feet ahead of her.

I always seem to assign a particular voice to characters, whether in Lit stories, or hell, even the Bard. Whenever I read Henry V, Kenneth Branagh is always the voice I hear, with Nathan, it is the late Michael Clark Duncan, who had the deep, gorgeous, almost James Earl Jones "basement" voice. Great story.

I'm truly amazed that this isn't the highest rated story in this category. Really, if he had done anything less, a lot of readers here would have called him a wimp. The part that will live in literary fame is when he says, ""Oh, I forgot to tell you, I'm a 7th Degree Black Belt. I was the national champion for three years before we got together. It just never came up in the conversation." There, take that all you loser ex-Navy Seals; we finally have a real he-man to fantasize about.

Please learn the difference between your and you're, they do not mean the same thing even if they sound the same.

stupid man ,she him like shit and he still sucking her ass , he should never turn his back on her.

Beyond stupid.

Every. Cliche. In. The. Book. That's all you can come up with?

Poorly written, uninteresting.

Was this written by 5th grade boy? This is so bad it’s actually kind of funny. I roared at “I’m a 7th degree back belt and national champion for three years but it never came up in conversation”. That line has to be in the top 10 “So stupid it’s hysterical” lines in Loving Wives history.

Nothing to see here. Just move along…

Ridiculously stupid