All Comments on 'Monster Breeder Ch. 01'

The author must lack knowledge for using a word that totally doesn't exist. His "cummed" proves the point, should have been most likely 'came'.

I appreciate this is your first time with this genre, but slow down. It seemed everything happened in a blur, fill in some details, provide some background, tell us what the creatures are thinking, more on how the woman feels. And you have to balance this whole horror thing. Scary, kinda gross, yes. But completely violated, no agency, no pleasure is just...rape, which just isn't sexy IMHO. Good luck.

Felt a bit rough, just needs a little revising in my opinion. Still not bad.

1. No communication between the reptiles and her?

2. No communication between them and the orcs, did the orcs buy her off them or something?

3. Describe how she felt sitting there in her cell after the gang rape. Some Introspection, or self questioning, or guesses about why they wanted her?

Hope you did not take any of the harsh critics too much to heart, and continue to write. Next time though try and put your self in her shoes ( for the confined in her cell bit anyways) some people would call it filler, but I think it makes the character more believable.

I liked the story line you chose. It has potential as a great story but the way you delivered it was harsh, swift and lacked depth to it. It needs some fleshing out which means, where are the details. You basically had her plunged in for no apparent reason. Characters weren't really developed and then she was raped written in a very brash style that left me not wanting to continue the story as much as I would've if this had been written well. As I said the potential is there. Maybe get an editor to help you work out the kinks in it and it will be a good story to read. Today 3/5 keep writing.

She would be dehydrated, delirious with hunger, exhausted, her pussy and ass would be so torn up that she would need stitches and the blood loss from the orde would result in a necessary hospital visit.

If you're going to write about rape, fine; but try googling some pics or videos and see what a woman will look like after 12 or 24 hours of violent, aggressive rape. Not very pretty, or erotic.

Other than that, it's a pretty good start. Keep on writing.

I thoroughly enjoyed your story and I just wanted to say that I can't wait for the next chapter. Regardless of what the others say I was quite happy with what you wrote. I was also satisfied that I didn't have to puzzle out misspellings and grammatical errors like I have to do with so many of the stories on this site. You did a great job and I am eagerly waiting for more!

Sucks that she lost her hair, can't wait for part 2 :D

Can't wait for chapter two!!! Work hard and fast, like those monsters.

This is such a good story you need to continue it

The concept is fantastic, however, there is an abysmal lack of structure, logic, attention to detail and continuity.

Example;

A 20ft monster would not logically have a penis only 1.5ft long and 5 inches thick, it needs to be proportionate otherwise why bother making it 20ft tall.

So much potential, sadly wasted.

I love this story please write more. Don’t worry about what others say. Monsters are fictional you can make them how you like 😘😘