All Comments on 'And With This Verse'

a 5, I don't know why. "And, with this verse,", what verse? instils (tp?)

a note (good play here), dark waters (border cliche), That's enough from me, let some thread whores get off their ass and finish, perhaps one or more of the beat-boys can sat something about the rhythm of the thing.

I did tell you a five? 'Cause I'm also tired of the bullshit I get (not from you, yet) when I leave comments that aren't exactly raves. Just as I'm tired of the bullshit I get when I don't go into a lot of detail. Sorry, about this rant. Post it, with my blessing.

when you pen something new. The circle infinite. Exceptional.

a couple of cliches have crept in but this is pretty good.

definitely has more to it when it comes to holding my attention. NOT a case, imo, of content forced to fit form. it works for me as a poem. sometimes a brush with a cliché isn't so dreadful, and i believe it's not here. however, perhaps consider changing 'open in L1 to 'apart' to read more smoothly (stresswise and soundwise) - with 'open' where it is, i'm forced to place the stress where it's not usually placed, and i don't get that it serves any special purpose to do so in this case... it might be that it's important for you to retain it because you feel it ties in with the last line better. i'd have to disagree with you, if it were the case :D

three instances of 'case'. sorry about that. canines interrupting my flow of consciousness *red face*