All Comments on 'Crone'

Saturday night date! The piece is conflicting in the sense of raw eroticism via common expression (hungry shaft and etc) versus the withered state of her body and use of the boy as an object of pleasure. You get drawn into the vortex of the poem and and can't stop. It kinda made me queasy. Clearly a five for taking bold steps and overall effect.

A5, btw (most of them are BTW). I'm not going to pretend I know what is going on, or even that I like it. It has it's moments, both ways. It looks like space porn of a sort. Last four lines of part one look like trouble. A gas giant...since the very dawn

of time itself?

Reminds me of Captain Kirk.

I'd love to hear an explanation.

I feel I might be missing something.

It seems to me about a crone who finds rejuvenation in copulation and then moves on to absorb everything about her youthful lover including his being, rather than simply being satisfied with the symbolic life-essence of his semen. Something like the obverse of the male god who dies after impregnating the virgin only to be born again in his own child. In this case the crone goes a step further and simply becomes the young god she is ravishing.

Interesting obscuring of the divide between the real and the imaginary.

. . . and the sex is pretty sensuous as well.

Not your typical "Ooh Baby Baby Yeah Baby Baby" poem. It felt like a role reversal on the Eve and the Devil myth, although I'm probably wrong with that interpretation, but there are enough serpentine references that I like the possibility.

The couplet structure held my interest in a way I haven't quite understood as yet. I usually become easily bored with lengthier poems I read here, particularly those listed as erotic, but that wasn't the case for me, and I don't think it was just because of the narrative.

I first thought "brane" was superfluous, but next to "galaxies" it works quite well and again reminded me of Satan, ie. a god who's omnipotent, or a schizophrenic. I'm wondering if "gas giants" refers to planets, eg. Saturn?

Like 12o1, I'm hoping you might provide a brief explanation after other comments. I know some poets don't like doing that, but speaking for myself, such would make me read this intriguing poem several more times, particularly if I've misunderstood it.

Made me think...still trying to wrap my brain around

to one who has searched

through galaxies and branes,

surfed the winds of gas giants, and

suffered the coldness of empty space

since the very dawn

of time itself?

Fantastic! Worthy of the E

Congrats on the E. It has been a while since a poem got one that deserved it.

Having said that, you know I am a fan, so please take this in the spirit intended, as constructive feedback.

I LOVE the title and the poem lives up to that title.

However, I hate your use of the word "furiously" ( bucking....) Ah, hell, ALL of your adverbs could be deleted and your poem would be much stronger, and it is already a wonderful poem. Your writing is STRONG enough to avoid adverbs,. They are, in most cases, a crutch for writers with weak vocabularies, which you most certainly are not.

I also feel you over use the word cunt. Your first use is perfect. You are so very good, please at least read your poem aloud with my humble suggestions. I do admire you and I feel you should submit this to any of several erotic sites which would jump at the chance to publish it with a few minor edits.

Clean Sheets comes to mind.... anyway, absolutely worthy of a 5 and the E. Thank you for a fantastic read, my first in a while here. :)

See 'Angels' by the same poet. I thought initially it was the most ancient of ideas, the female as new (virgin), queen and hag -- the triple headed Goddess renewing her fertility. But it ain't quite that. This is not a poem I like, but it is a good poem, strongly expressed; and I don't suppose being liked was a major ambition for Oneiria. I'm gunna go with Green mountaineer and ask for some help.

of what may be tomorrow. TK U MLJ LV NV