All Comments on 'Drawing Down the Moon'

The first four stanzas spoke to me straight from the tradition of the metaphysical poetry, with rich and literally wild imagery... (just the way I like). Don’t get me wrong, I am all for consummated love, but for me, from the 5th stanza on you stepped into romantic love (even as the moon kept shining on the lovers),

which felt to me like it belonged in a different poem.

...but, I think, two very fine works, run together. I think my friend got it right. This shows great promise. Keep it up. Nice to see you still here!

First, let me echo Anschul's sentiment that it is good to see you still hanging in there and submitting.<br>

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I think the mix in styles is good here; something akin to offering two different perspectives. I also see where some editing could tighten things up a bit. Just as an example, the pronoun me appears four times in the first two strophes; this could be cut in half, for example:<br>

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The Moonlight<br>

calls<br>

as if you are with me<br>

It pulls at my heart like<br>

hundreds of tiny fingers.<br>

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Wolf song, in the distance<br>

speaks<br>

drawing me towards<br>

that which I know is<br>

my heart's desire.<br>

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That's just a sample of what a quick edit can do.<br>

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As another, in the fifth strophe, "love is etched in their faces," could be changed to, "love etched in their faces."<br>

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Don't be discouraged by comments that suggest changes. Keep things in perspective — everyone has a different approach/style in their writing and what appeals or works for them. Do what seems best for you and just keep on honing your skills and displaying your talents.

to allow the others that do not know of your Shaman path, a chance to look within your dreams is a daunting thing to do. You have courage. More courgae than I think you sometimes give yourself credit girl. I wish you could take that courage and then turn it around and face down not only your current situation but your past as well.