All Comments on 'He Came, She Saw, He Cocked Her'

Has good flow which is only lost here and there -

----- For example line 6: As he squeezed and pumped it fast.

----- would have slightly better flow as: As he pumped that squeeze so fast.

----- Bigger problem is the poem has no tone: the sing songy nature of the poetic structure obviates that

----- But sustaining flow over this long a poem shows talent