by DeepAsleep
This is fabulous - I can so see an old friend speaking this to me while we chainsmoked on a roadtrip.
makeshift
shapeless
inorganic
crime scene
one to recite
silently
on the bus ride
i'm anticipating.
I rarely, rarely save a poem but this one I'm saving.
Thanks for writing it and sharing it.
Love,
Eve
"And you'll dress up in
nineteen fifty
elegance"
Out of this entire piece, I don't know why I liked these lines in particular, but they made my eyes sparkle. you'r soooooooo dreeeeaaaamy! *laughs* I'm really diggin' this one. It's charming in that 'not supposed to be charming' way. The way it runs on draws you into the story being told instead of boring you to death.... diggin' it.
light
R~~~
...because I hated it when it was said to me. But, here goes: Though I truly enjoyed this, I think it has great potential as prose. Though it reads so very well, I found myself wondering "why a poem?"
yes, some trippy images, and an interresting read. But first and foremost a poem about the power of conversation and connection. Impressive.
A weird and wonderful tale scribbled on blotter paper. I loved the juxtaposition of twisted fantasy with the solid reality of the car ride. well done!
in it's rambling, repetitve, ueven beat of some drug induced memories of my own. Interesting, vivid, dark and humorous. And for some reason I'm not sure of, I found it arousing. Great read. Thanks DA
fresh and new, dark and silent screaming from iside every closet I ever had. I love your descriptions :)