All Comments on 'Hydrogen'

Ambitious, but I got lost. Too overwhelming for me, like opening a door and getting hit with a back draft of information that I fell behind in processing it. Did someone just die in a house fire? Was there a strapon weilding lesbian who was once a little boy? The length discourages me from reading a second time to see what I missed.

Who sore the lesbian with a strap on.....

what I mean to say is all of your good work is buried beneath a lot of Sonics and words, some brevity would help a reader, possibly break it into a couple of pieces or get rid of things that repeat themselves. Just my opinion.

My feeling is that you mastered writing a frantic phrenetic frenzied piece that flowed so effortlessly it backfires

The reader can keep up with your words, but there is little opportunity for the reader to absorb them along the way.

My suggestion is either : slow it down to a less hectic pace -or- severely downsize each section.

This is so beautiful, so frantic yet pierced through with acceptance and all of the fierce longing and pain and ecstasy of having and not having. I'm delirious, drunk on it. Fantastic! Thank you!