by SkinandSin
...I am with Trix on this one, not so sure about the ending, but the start drew me in
Nice :-)
It is actually an old one I rediscovered among my typewritten notes (dating myself, I know, but, hey!).
Right up until the last stanza. I think it would be stronger without it.
But regardless, the beginning is very good and forms a clear image.
Nice piece.
hmm, not as good as others of yours I have read but still enjoyed this,
could maybe have played on the use of fingers to dial numbers instead of sensitized, just a thought :)
and I think the repetition of breaths and breath so close together could be switched to help your flow, gave you a 4