All Comments on 'If I didn't laugh'

by candylandsky

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  • 2 Comments
theognistheognisabout 13 years ago
*****

I like it, and I'm giving you a five on the assumption you'll change the second stanza to this:

I laugh because

Your heart already belongs to someone

A thousand miles away.

twelveoonetwelveooneabout 13 years ago
you end

with a cliche. S2 is also cliched. This is not a bad structure, and a nice indirection, a good solid 4. Perhaps, if there was something that grabbed me...

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