All Comments on 'A Gift From His Father Ch. 04'

This chapter reads as if it's a prologue to the real chapter 4. Not a bad thing, just disappointing, as the rest of the chapter is not here.

Good, but not enough. Give us more!

Short, small chapters just tease, and make you not want to bother.

But believe, we do want more. Just take time, write substantial chapters, the story will benefit greatly if you do this.

This stuff is like crack, not that I would know:) I would rather wait longer for more substance, than have only 1 pagers. I know I'm not alone in this, based on the other comments. You have a great idea here. Take your time and try three pages. Trust me, we'll all wait for it...even if we'll be tortured by it! This one seemed very hurried and wasn't as good as the other "chapters". Woosah :)

You lost me on the last chapter, but i'm starting to come around. Very nice.

Go ahead and keep it short if it works better for you in the short term. Short term pain for the readers levels out once you have more chapters.

You have a great storyline and great people to read about. I ca't wait for the next chapter.

I am enjoying your version of an artifact that gives special powers. It is a fun and exciting story. Like the others, I, too, would like longer proper chapters, and not these short incomplete feeling one or two page pieces.

Looking forward to more. Oh, sending feedback, too.

Really needs an editor, (cunninglinguist)???. I really want to continue reading but the mix of a great story with such glaring errors is infuriating the grammar nazi within. Plus the sex is slightly lacking. Good luck anyhow.

this is a very short single page.

the content is diminishing correspondingly.

at this pace the next chapter will only be a couple of paragraphs telling us very little.

its good so far, but really? wtf is the point of having the ring if a bunch of random dumb-ass so called "agents" have similar powers. what an idiotic concept, this story would be 5 stars if it didnt include "lizzy" and what ever other dumb bitched youre gonna include that somehow have powers they shouldnt... smh...

I sooooo wish i was him

Contact me at phoenix23ninja@gmail.com if you can arrage somethiing like this

Please contact me if interested

I dont really care how many girls are involved (logic says max of 10 though) just if they are attractive to me

I hope you are a girl as well.

Don't that seem kinda unfair? ZaC:"Your mother is very sexually attracted to you. " JHN:"But I don't wanna fucc my mom!?" ZaC:"Weeeeelll you kinda own her pussy now sooo."

Not bad but these one and two page chapters is really annoying me.you could have easily condensed all this into one chapter…⭐️⭐️⭐️

Ugh. Another beta male only getting girls because...plot. Literotica breeds these types way too much.

Improving again, but just measurements are taken around the ribcage below the breasts for the chest size and then one the breasts to find the cup size, John only altered April's cup size not her chest measurement ie from a B to a DD.

Uh Oh! both Elizabeth and Mary, with glowing diamonds/activated by John, ... And Johnny may not be able to avoid incest, ... and poor April (with her proud, new DD's) and all fresh new boys for her to simple, ... this tale is getting twistier and twistier, ... I am liking the gonads on the newly slim and lovely bank receptionist, "not take No for an answer", loving it! ... ;-) TTFN

Again with the chronological order... John sent the "beacon" in the morning of the day after the bank visit. Lizzy felt it immediately but his mom felt it on the evening of her last day of the weekend in Cabo. That's like 36 hours later (at the minimum since you also wrote that his mom enjoyed her time with her boyfriend over the "next several days").

And then you switch to Tammy "three days later" after the first bank visit only to then switch back to John on the beacon day, which is the day after the first bank visit.

Good job, thanks for sharing your work!

Lousy. No learning curve mistakes, no challenges, no point to the 'story ' - just a jumbled mess.

I enjoy much thanks for the story… you have some hicks with timelines, hope you don’t lose track….