All Comments on 'A Girl by the Name of Alayna Ch. 01'

This is the best first-time story I have read here. I would not presume to offer suggestions - just keep on with what you are doing. Be your own critic - always trying to get even better. Maybe later, after viewing a larger body of your work, I would offer constructive criticism if I thought it might be helpful. In the meantime, I'll anxiously await the next installment of Alayna.

Your writing is fantastic, please don't change anything. This is a fantastic first story, I loved reading it. I can't wait to read the next chapter, which I hope will be posted soon.

This Is real? Did you get together? Are you still together? I have so many questions. Like is this a purging or something 'cause it seems so personal. I await your next chapter.

If that was just fiction, then you have real talent because it felt totally genuine to me. PLEASE continue the story for us!

Only 1 edit I noticed that you should make: they're called "erogenous" zones, not "androgynous". FWIW.

I think you meant "erogenous" instead of "androgynous" because that word is another term for hermaphrodite ;) But, anyway. The story was a little too fast pace for me, but I could get into the moment at certain parts. I think because it "just happened" was what put you in the rushing mode. As if you're under a time limit to get it all done. But, keep it up.

-TAS

Good erotic story here. Felt like I was there experiencing all of that hot sensation with that cute Mexican green eyed beauty too.

I'm a guy here who's 25 years old and has never had sex or even my first girlfriend yet so this story just drives me off the wall anticipation.

Good writing, didn't leave out anything to the wondering mind. Keep up the good work!