All Comments on 'Amy and Charlie'

very juicy!

Gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme more!

You absolutely have to continue this story.

cant wait till the next chapter.Beautiful story so far

Another?-I'm not sure about other readers but I was confused about who knew what about who. and who was seducing who.

I'm a careless reader so maybe it was me.

No confusion here.. Very Hot Would like to read more of you

great stories. Would like to see mother daughter

Ok I've read a lot of fiction, be it erotica, fanfiction, regular fiction in novels from science fiction to romance to fantasy.

One thing I find is that you need to stick to a view point, also switching back and forth between two peoples view points is confusing.

A way to overcome this is instead of switching from Charlie's and Amy's view points is to write completely in 3rd person. Meaning instead of using the 'I did this' and 'I think that'. You would instead go like this.

'Charlie smiled as her eyes roved over Amy's lovely body.' Just an example. There is no 'I did this' stuff in there and less confusion.

Now if you really want to stick to the first person point of view, stick to only one person telling the story and not two different people telling it. Stick to either Charlie telling it or Amy but not both. Less confusion and easier to read and easier for the reader to follow.

This is just some constructive criticism.

Fantastic first story, I really enjoyed reading it. Too bad you never finished this story or written anything else.

omg, your story made me so wet, i read it and before i knew, my hand slipped down into my panties.....such a hot story.....would love to see you write many more!!

your pic is beautiful, by the way.........

This was a great story. I loved how it went through all their thoughts and feelings. The sex was sensual and erotic. I definitely think you should continue this story.

Thank You

Becky

This was really well-done for a first story. For my taste, it was a little choppy. I like longer sentence structure for smoothness. I liked the uncertainty between the characters and the dialogue was believable. Hope you've been writing in some venue since 2006!

Amy first said she and her last girlfriend were going to be married, then she said they had been married. And as her best friend, Charlie would have known that Amy had married her last girlfriend.