All Comments on 'Angels Ch. 04'

I love all of your stories so far, you write them beautifully. I've been reading stories on this site for well over 3 years and tend to stay in the werewolf genre but something about these stories caught my eye. The way you write them makes me feel like I'm actually there feeling their emotions with them, the only complaint that I have is on the length of the stories if you could make them longer they would be that much more amazing. I feel like just as soon as my adrenaline gets going and I get all amped up thinking about what could happen next the chapter ends and its devastating. Its very rare to come across an author like you, normally I'll like one my maybe two stories done by the same author but I have a feeling I'd enjoy anything you wrote so please keep them coming...

these characters intrigue me. keep it up

Could you make the chapters a little longer. I just get into the chapter when it ends and It's slightly anoying. That is my only complant...

I agree with Gryphon that they need to be longer. Just when I get into the story I'm forced to stop. As was said, I have no other complaints. Great story. Keep it up!

Man..............absolutely love your story. Please more.

p.s. Did not know that Lou Cifer had a brother.... Thank you.

Very well written. But I am unable to empathize or even feel anything for the characters. You're telling when you should be showing. Also another important missing aspect is the world the story takes place in. I have no idea who the characters are in relation to their world. What does it mean to be angel or halfling in this world? Do the humans know of the angels? Make the world the characters live in vivid and they will become real. I honestly think that's part of the disconnect.

But I want to reiterate that it's very well written it just needs to be edited and some necessary backstory added.

Jay

I would also agree that this is a bit hard to follow. I sometimes have the same problem when I write in first person -- you get into the character's narrative, and the character forgets to provide context.

That said, the tension and interplay is damn hot. The narrator's constant swing between reluctance and willingness, along with the action itself, has kept me looking back to this story.

Now, please don't misunderstand me. I just don't get how this could be called hot. Like a lot of other authors I know, you suffer from a very succinct problem. An inability to write a sex scene, or an instance of sex between two characters. On top of all of that, these chapters are too small, and too vague. I understand that this is an amateur site, but this needs editing and drafting. You also need to work on both your character developement and plot ideas.

This is a really great story! It needs a real editor for grammar and spelling issues, but it keeps the reader guessing. Keep on writing, if you want, I will edit for you!

I like reading your stories, Hope they keep coming!