Ann: A Love Story Ch. 51

Honestly, I didn't remember any specifics either. Maybe I had asked...but not the right way. Or maybe I thought I asked, but never got the words out.

Ann got a little emotional again and said, "I know now that you never asked because you were frustrated that I hadn't told you. But then again, you never asked, and that frustrated ME. I wondered about it a lot. I even worried about it. Sometimes I felt like I was back to being that naïve young girl, and I was chasing you. And I wondered if you were really going to come get me."

"I'm so sorry Ann. I never dreamed it was bothering you too. I was so busy being weird about it...hell, you didn't even give me a return address on the letters you sent."

"Actually, I never do that on anything I mail. I've moved around so much, it's hard to keep track where I'm living half the time, so I just don't do it. I know it's a bad habit, and trust me, my Dad has yelled at me about that for years." Ann mimicked her father's voice and said, "Anna Renee, you're the daughter of a postal worker, for God's sake. How can you send out your mail like that?"

I cracked up. Ann not only deepened her voice, trying to sound like Marlin, she also tried to match his facial expressions and he demeanor. Actually, she hit it pretty close. Close enough that I was laughing hysterically. "THAT was funny!"

"Yeah...well, anyway, now you know that you weren't the only one that didn't understand why we hadn't crossed that bridge. And yes, I suppose I could have been the bigger person and just given you my address, and my phone numbers. But deep inside, I kept hoping that you'd ask."

Now I was upset that I hadn't. I went from being happy with laughter, to depressed about not being the bigger person myself, that I thought about how else I'd let Ann down. "And on top of that, I never bought you an engagement ring," I said quietly.

Ann kept her eyes on the road, but I could tell she was trying to keep her emotions inside. Fortunately, there was an exit coming up. I looked at the gas gauge, and saw that we had a half a tank. But, we were getting closer to the state line. I'd looked earlier at the atlas I'd bought when I'd picked up supplies for the trip...the ones that my father insisted I get. An atlas seemed like the proactive, 'be prepared' kind of purchase he would have made. And when I figured out where we were, and how far we had to go, I realized that we'd be crossing the Great Salt Desert. There weren't going to be any gas stations out there, so filling up seemed like a good idea.

"Babe, pull off here and let's find a gas station," I said, touching her hair.

Ann nodded and pulled over into the right lane. We found a Chevron station, and I got out to fill up the car. Ann got out to stretch her legs. Once I had the nozzle in place, and the gas flowing into the tank, I moved over to her and swallowed her in my arms, hugging her tightly.

"I am so sorry, Ann. I feel like such a jerk for being mad at you for not telling me. I never realized. I could have asked...it seems like there were a lot of things I could have done differently," I said, taking her hand and looking at her ring.

"I never told you...so how could you know? I knew you weren't like those other guys. That's why I fell in love with you in the first place. And I never doubted that you loved me, so I don't know why it bothered me that you hadn't asked asked. I'm sorry I never told you, Neil. And let's not bring up the ring anymore, okay. You gave it to me at the airport, and I'm going to remember that moment for the rest of my life. I think that makes it even better than if you'd have given it to me the night you proposed."

"Really?" I said, looking at her like she was nuts. "The ring is part of the reason it bothered you so much."

"Actually, that's not true. You act like I needed a ring to know you were serious. Truthfully, baby, if you would have had a ring with you that night, I'm not sure what I would have done. I know this may sound crazy, but I said yes because you DIDN'T have a ring. It made me know that it wasn't a calculated moment. You asked me to marry you, because you didn't want me to leave, and I could feel the passion in your voice. And I knew then, for sure, that you loved me."

"So are you saying you wouldn't have said yes if I had a ring in my pocket?"

Ann laughed and said, "No...I'm not saying that. I'm just saying I'm glad you didn't. I think it turned out just the way it was supposed to. So let's remember it that way...okay?" Ann got up on her toes and kissed me.

"Okay," I said, kissing her back.

Ann handed me the keys to the car and said, "Good...your turn to drive. I have to get myself prepared."

"Prepared...for what?"

"We going to be crossing into another state pretty soon, aren't we? I've got to get myself psyched up for another stop by a road sign," she laughed.