As It Seems Ch. 06

It didn't matter that he meant to make her feel better. It didn't matter that he wanted to reassure himself that she was going to be okay, it didn't matter he sighed. He ruined it because he couldn't control himself.

Even now he wanted to go upstairs and do something, he didn't know what. What could he have done? He'd already fucked up with her so often he didn't bother to count.

Connor sat up pulling on a t-shirt and a hoodie. He needed a smoke, needed fresh air; he needed to get away from the haunting memories of Alexa on the floor crying, begging him not to hurt her, like she probably did with that Marcus Mother Fucker; that's the name Connor christened him. And if ever the two should meet Connor was going to baptize that asshole.

He needed to take a walk and figure out this mess he called a life. Maybe he'd be able to figure out why his sister lied to him and why he was so willing to believe the poison she fed him about Alexa; or Ally isn't that what his sister called her? Why hadn't he figured it out before, why couldn't he see through Jen's brittle lies? What reason did she have?

Maybe Jen wasn't completely lying. It was quite possible that Alexa was the person Jen accused her to be. Maybe he misunderstood what Jen was telling him. Or maybe this whole situation was absurd and he wouldn't think about it till he could get everyone in the same room and figure out what was going on.

The air was cold making him huddle into himself. He cupped his hands around his lighter while lighting his cigarette. He inhaled deep letting the nicotine convince his body it was calm. The wind shrieked through leaves leaving them rustling in protest. Connor looked up at the sky, seeing it through the haze of his smoke. His eyes narrowed towards the stars, looking for the answers of questions he didn't know to ask.

Did any of this matter any way? He was going to move on soon. His business with Melendez was almost over he could feel it. There was a tightening in his chest and a certain anxiety that told him it was almost time. Connor knew he had to be careful now was not the time for family drama. He pulled the smoking from his lips exhaling watching the different shapes it created as it snaked its way to the heavens. His shoulders were heavy with the responsibility of what could happen if he fucked this up. He already did once and J. Doe ended up in the hospital. At least that's what he called her, it was better that way; better that no one could trace her to him.

Connor frowned as he felt his pocket vibrate. He cursed as he fumbled for it. He glanced at the lit up face of his phone.

Geeks

"Connor," he answered with long sigh wondering what the hell the geeks could want with him.

He worked with the Geeks a lot, they were a bunch of computer hackers and gadget nerds, but they always supplied him with best shit. When they all worked together they were called The Freaks and Geeks. Connor worked as a freak someone who was just outside of society's standards, him and a few others, mostly ex-military biker types and some just guys who looked like trouble incarnate. The Geeks were slightly freakish too, just a little more expectable to society. Young, mostly just out of ITT Tech schools and shit, or kids who were caught in illegal activity and cut a deal.

"What's bangin' O'Connor?" Connor smiled despite himself when heard Terry's voice. Terry was a joker didn't take anything too seriously, a cool kid who made everyone around him crack up with his lame jokes and those fucking scull caps he wore.

"S'up man?" the tension in his neck and shoulders relaxed slightly, he wasn't alone in this. He had to remember that; that made it a lot easier.

"Just checkin' dude The Geeks were getting freaked out over our favorite freak." Terry laughed at his joke and Connor shook his head, he wanted laugh just cause it was so stupid.

"Not much is happening right now. Melendez is having us lay low after the cops got the tip off of our last shipment."

"Sweet so maybe, you can stop buy for some of our new toys, oh and Re-run wants to borrow your bike."

"What the fuck for?" he yelled into the phone.

"Hey chill man, I'm just the messenger, so bring it next time you come by we have to hook it up and shit."

"Fuck you didckwad I didn't say yes." So much for that tension releasing.

"Common O'Connor be a team player." He could hear terry trying not to laugh.

"Fuck you!"

"Is that what I have to do to get the bike cause I don't think I signed up for that."

Connor let out breath ignoring the bark of laugher itching in his throat. He could imagine Terry frowning like he was deep in thought, trying to remember what all his job entailed, and if it did include fucking Connor. Connor couldn't laugh he had to hold it, his eyes teared with the effort, he had to hang up. Instead he went behind a building leaning against the cool brick.

"And if it was part of my job description, I'm not sure how I'd feel about that, don't get me wrong for a dude you're kina hot, I do have a thing for blondes with big blue eyes....but ....you're not quite what I had in mind I was thinking maybe slimmer, big boobs, nice legs and had a pussy for me to eat-" God Damn it he cracked he let out burst of laughter so loud terry pulled the phone from his ear.

"You win you little prick," Connor huffed wiping the tears from his eyes. The unwritten rule of The Freaks and Geeks was who ever laughed first lost the argument. It was silly but it helped with all the tension that could build up.

"Hey! I take offense!"

"Offence this asshole." Connor hung up. His spirits lifted enough to go back to the house. He was going to try really hard to get along with Alexa if it killed both of them.