All Comments on 'Awakening'

Very well written. I really hope you will continue this story as it has all sorts of potential.

<P>Ah but there isn't a category for utter crap.</P>

<P>'...eclectic mixture of pain and outright agony' what on earth does this mean. Eclectic means deriving ideas or style from a diverse range of sources. So the idea or style of his pain comes from a wide range of body parts? What about the reality of his pain?</P>

<P>A treatise on punctuation might assist you. Misused semi-colons and unnecessary commas for example.</P>

<P>'The Scottish nurse soothes my as I begin to writhe on the bed' an editor might have helped spot the missing word.</P>

<P>A nurse who flashes? I read only this week of a hospital taking disciplinary action for that.</P>

<P>Fluids because he's catheterised, what nonsense.</P>

<P>Apparently shrugging and smiling are now methods of speaking.</P>

<P>Was it written by a brain donor?</P>

Ignore the nay-sayers. It was well written, Crikey it held my attention all the way through. The hospital experience was believable, the transplant was hinted at throughout, and by the last third, i reckon we all knew it was a full body transplant, and then to find out 'twas a Woman's body was the twist, and so we settle down for the story to come to a quiet end.

But not in Literotica, not ever.

The lesbian question was a Kicker !!!!

Cheers,

and Thanks,

Kilroy

I think you could have done a LOT with this idea. The description of the coma were very interesting and well expressed. I will say, I didn't like the ending. It seemed that you just wrapped it up because you got tired of being creative. You could have made the discovery of the transplantation a bit more emotional, drew it out, let us know what it would have been like to have such a transformation occur. Then, you could have moved into the nurse and the patient experimenting, playing around, trying to get the guy used to his new body... I really liked the beginning but was disappointed with the end. I hope you rewrite the end. That's where all the excitement could have been. I'm not a nay-sayer... I'm just giving you a little constructive criticism to go along with my compliment.