All Comments on 'Balance'

Very well written, loved it from beginning to end...

I really enjoyed your story and I will be looking forward to more of your postings. Thanks.

Anyone who thinks this is well-written is an idiot.

They 'had ran out' of whatever it was?

Jumped all around, poorly punctuated, cardboard characters... Just terrible...

Too many commas, for one thing. But it was a sweet story that made me feel good. Worth five stars, for sure!

Thanks so much, man. There's nothing better in life than having some anonymous nobody tell me that I'm not allowed to disagree with his/her opinion on a story because doing so makes me an "idiot". Tell you what: when you are capable of crafting a coherent reply that doesn't sound like being a jerk for being a jerk's sake, your opinion might be treated with more of the "authority" that you think it has. In the meantime, your opinion is like an asshole. We've all got one, but yours appears to be more full of shit at the moment.

That said, the story itself was great. A story in loving wives with actual loving wives and loving relationships rather than just a "sorry" cheating whore is a great departure of the norm, and it's always good to read something new. It's also good to see a cheating husband who isn't completely let off the hook for his betrayal for a thousand different cheap excuses.

Keep up the good work, oshaw, and if you really feel there may be some substance to the point about punctuation, don't let it get you down. There are plenty of excellent editors you can get help from.

Very well written. Makes you think.

5 Stars.

About the odd comma. One of the best stories i have ever read.

Look forward to your next work

I DID like this story, and may be there WERE a few plot-holes (if so, they were minor), but if you compare this against recently posted competition, it reads like a best-seller master piece. It is nice and a rare treat to read about a good woman (even if she is a wronged woman), and every once and a while the Hollywood ending works. Did this story have almost too many clichés and stereotypes? Sure, but so did "Driving Miss Daisy", and that was still a popular movie. I think that it is clear that you, as an author, achieved your goals with this entry, and I thank you for your contribution.

Than I thought it would be at the outset. Convoluted, sure. Nearly zero typos, and interesting.

I seldom read longer stories, they normally get to a certain point and lose my interest.

This one held me all the way,

Thanks,

MGM

A nice story about a true Loving Wife who was crapped on but because of another loving wife (her mother) and a true friend came out on top. Oh, sure we still had the dispicable cheater and they did get their just desserts but it was appropriately enough the "skanky" man she married this time. Sure there were a few detracting technical errors but they were very minor and did nothing to detract from the enjoyment of this fine story. The only small thing I might say should have been added to the discovered ownership of the house during the divorce would be a Life Estate for Linda and her mother to occupy the place legally. (It would have made their occupation of the house after the estate probate more legally authorized). But we split hairs here. We all miss things when we write or see them differently than do our readers and other writers. This was a well thought out story and well worth 5 stars.

Obviously a 5!

What a wonderful story! I am so pleased that you are sharing your talents with us by posting. You have written two stories for Literotica and are an incredible "rookie" writer. Thanks for sharing your many talents with us.

You have written a wonderful story. However, details are important. There are many minor details but one of the major ones is regarding elk. Female elk are not does. They are cows. At the time of year you were describing the bull elks are together. Their antlers are still being formed. The cows are busy having newborn calves and taking care of them. Elk breed in September. The bull elk would never be the first elk into the field. The cows come first and then he comes.

When including something about which you know little or nothing in a story, research before writing.

It would be a 5 except for details. Okay it is still a 5.

Great story and very well written. I enjoyed it very much. Thank you

I loved your story, it kept me interested till the last word, gave it a 5* I hope you keep writing.

Seriously, I think sometimes readers get all too wrapped up in the insignificant - I honestly didn't notice any grammar or spelling or word usage mistakes, because I was wrapped up in the story.

If I'm not invested in the story then I notice it and it distracts me further.

This was a well written story, and a great offering, and definitely falls into the five-star range in comparison to other offerings on this site.

All due respect to SW_MO_Hermit, whose stories I absolutely love also, and others who have contributed here, but it frustrates me how picky some folks are about the small things. Especially when few and far between.

This was one great story!! 5 big stars. It kept my attention throughout. I also liked the ending line " And then...she took one more step." Well done!!

To the author: not to worry on the writing. To me it was perfect. As I was more interested in the story and where it was headed. For your second post this one was great. Hope you will keep it up!! Now to read your first post.

... Even though I felt that this story could 've just as easily fit into the "Romance" category and received higher scores, I admire your courage to subject yourself to the idiots who worry about minute details like female elk being called does instead of cows. Another thing, who in the hell keeps up with elk rutting seasons? Anyway, I hope that this is your first of many more to come as I really like your style of writing and pretty much read this category exclusively.

one of only a few that gives loving wives a true writing for this group. cuckold and the other bull sh-t are not in the same class with this wonderful story. looking forward to more from this writer. thank you for one worth reading.

Great story, well told. For me it rambled at times but that's a minor quibble. Nice to read about a strong woman.

I loved your story hun!!! Keep up the amazing work! ^^

Thank you for the beautiful story. Perhaps not the most realistic but beautiful none the less.

A thoroughly good read and a satisfying warmth in the heart when I reached the end - especially when it ends with a well worked line. Please keep up the good work.

This story is so well told, that it could almost be believable. I don't think in real life, Richard, his lawyer, and their experts would go down in flames like they did, but, then again......

You write very well. Stories as good as this one are hard to find on Lit.

If I could give you 10*, I would. As it is, I could only give you 5*, make you a favorite author, and the story a favorite story.

Keep up the good work!

Very good story - a little difficult to follow, but interesting plot and I liked the ending. Five stars for sure.

Thanks for sharing. Looking forward to your next submission.

This would make a good TV movie.

The house ownership crap was nonsense of course, but it was a nice story and I really enjoyed the read.

Thanks

First I was hesitating to read the story, but when I did... I was like, wow, there need to be a sequel! I just love this story, thank you for writing it.

One of the best.

I thoroughly enjoyed reading your story. Easily worth 5 stars.

It's a wonderful story - well done - 5 Stars.

What a truly wonderful piece of creative writing from an obviously highly talented and educated individual. The story line was fascinating, the construction crammed full of highly credible dialogue, illuminating descriptions and all the elements of classic writing - a good beginning, continuing interest, pathos, humour, warmth and a snappy finish. I look forward, very much, to the next offering.

The story and ending was great. The divorce did-not seem to have the facts right. One the house would have been hers if inherited from her family. Linda was old enough to choice her own parent. He would be in contempt of court for taken all their assists and shouting down there utilities. He should have to pay alimony, and child support.he did not have a prayer in abandoning his family. You just do not leave your home and leave them destitute. No judge who is honest would let him get away with that and hiding the real owner of the property was ridiculous .that why they do a search of assets and how come it was all on her and not on Richard .?what assets did he posses never explained.

Just a nice tale,that was good to read,thanks!

As far as the nit picking goes,these are stories written by amateurs,not pros,cut them some slack,especially when the story is good.

One interesting note,if a wife behaved as Richard did,the haters on here would be ripping her as a cheating slut,saying she should be working as a whore in Mexico,but all those marriage is sacred crowd,sluts should be burned are amazingly quiet when the hubby is garbage....the ole double standard still exists.

You wrote a good story, based on the premise that just one more step will complete the journey, or task, no matter how difficult it seems. There were some areas that were a bit reaching, or unrealistic, but they did not detract from the overall positive impact of the story. I would encourage you to write again for our pleasure.

Very good read. Too bad about dickhead Dickey not having awfully good luck with his women. Tch, tch! Look forward to more of your work. Cheers!

when the other end has more weight. TK U MLJ LV NV

Inspiring tale, and this was just an outstanding read all around. It could have easily gone in the Romance section and scored even higher than here in LW. The romance between Barbara and John was very believable. I also love how her mom made plans to keep Asshole from getting the house in case of Divorce. She was dying, but thought ahead enough to make sure Dickhead didn't get anything from her estate. This exceptional tale is permanently in my Favorites.

Thank you, and as my wife said, keep up the great work! :)

I am glad that i had time to read a longer story today. I would have missed a very good one. Well written and with a lot of emotions. Nicely done.

I'd like to say Richard's dastardly actions in divorce process were florid and dramatic, but can't. Sadly I've seen some upright people get dirty low-down in that endgame phase of a relationship. The author captured that fugue state when one half of a couple is waylaid by that process.

There were some real cheesy moments but I can't deny rooting for the main character & wanting things to work out. The concluding scene was electric even though the outcome was not really in doubt. This was a four star story until that kyrical ending won me over. I need at least one great scene to go full marks & that finish was awesome. *****

Well done, well done, well done.

Thank you

M1*****

Lots of people can punctuate a sentence properly but few can

write an interesting story. A good story will keep me reading every time,

even with occasional puntuation errors. An uninteresting story may be punctuated

perfectly but, really, who gives a shit. I'll stop within a page or less -- it's still boring.

As Truman Capote said about bad writing, or maybe it was about a bad writer,

"It's not writing, it's typing" (or to be more current, "it's word processing")

Thank you for your hard work.

Fantastic amazing story!

Thanks!

this story almost happened to me except my wife took me to the cleaners for

over 18 grand. i was lucky that she died.It was the worst marriage I had

I found this a great story to read, very believeable with some very good twists. Keep up the good work.

It nice to see the one cheated on get their just reward. Very good story.

This story was great, but suffered from lousy grammar, spelling and punctuation.

Like another Anon, I will always favor the story (if there is one) over the technical details. 5* is as high the scale goes.

However, UNlike that other Anon, I will try to point out that you do yourself and your audience a disservice to let something go without the necessary scrubbing, cleaning and polishing necessary on all good work as it is about to be sent to its intended recipient(s). Good technicals make the story easier to read and more enjoyable, while bad technicals can kill a mediocre story and certainly hamper the best of them. Face it, you're in the wordsmithing business. Do the job completely and well and things will go much better for you. Cut corners, get sloppy.....not so much.

You are a singular story teller, with vestiges of another language that give you an added challenge. But don't let that stop you. You are too good to stop. Just "polish your shoes before that big date" and you'll be fine.

I won't quibble about anything else, because the story was too much fun.....and too good!

5*, because I believe in your talent and like how you think.

This is the first story of yours that I've read. It is imaginative, it flows as if I'm not even reading. Congratulations. Great short story.

Thanks!!

This has to be the best story I have read on lit and I have read hundreds of them. Thanks for sharing your story

Thanks for the offering.

Thanks for your story!

How many 15 yr olds call their mom "momma". Frankly, it started grating on my nerves do much that I had to skip most of the story.

All I can say is great story. A real good read.

Thank you. 5*

. . . a good love story. It brings the tears of a romantic to my eyes. Realism neither required or desired.

Good job, oshaw!!!

Maybe it should have been in Romance, maybe not. But, this is sure a helluva lot better than the tripe and BS we so often find here.

I agree: realism neither needed nor desired!

It is really nice to find a new writer on the board who produces quality work.

Really liked it. Courts and trials would never have been like this in real life. Real life sucks. However good story. Keep it up , far better than most.

Two good stories by a new author. No cheating wives, no cuck husbands. My only complaint was the elk. One elk is one elk, multiple elk are still elk. A male elk is a bull, a female elk is a cow, a doe is a female deer. Multiples of elk are bulls or cows. I expect to see more good work from this author.

What a great story to be honest !! Very well done!

The dick.husband prob thought being on the side of the "historical society" he would get a judge who would buy his crap or throw it his way,which given the corruption in small towns is not unlikely.Plus he would think he had cut off her ability to pay a lawyer...only thing better would be if dick attacked john and he kicked the,crap out,of him...

Thanks for a wonderful story. I'm looking forward for more great stories.

Such a lovely story and very well written.

We'll crafted interesting story. I liked it a lot. Keep writing ...just one more step.

Super well done. 5x5

Technical note: the Marines do not have Corps Men/docs in their T.O. they are tasked from the Navy Medical Corps. However they do train & operate at the platoon level and are highly valued and respected members of the team.

I read this tale and found it absorbing and entertaining. The villain Richard was a bit over the top and the hero just a little too sugary for me but hell why not? What struck me at the end reading the comments is what happened top all those demanding retribution for evil deeds.

Richard left his wife and child penniless with no heat light or even water. He stopped to gloat at his wife bowed and bloodied at the roadside. He even tried to steal her birth.

What do we hear from HarryinVA, cantbuymy, betrayedbylove, Irondragon, Huedog, and all the other "real men"? Absolutely nothing.

Could it have anything to do with the fact that the villain was a man?

DeYaKen makes a good point. It reminded me that I was extremely annoyed that nothing was said or done about ass-hat's actions during the court case. His actions against his wife alone would have been bad enough, but his wife and UNDERAGE daughter.... I felt a need for a criminal hearing follow-up, but no, he still gets half the money AND visitation? Really?

With the normal anti-male bias of the courts I was so looking forward to him getting ass-raped in the settlement.... no lube... sand paper condom. As it sits dickless got off WAY too easy.

I totally agree with DeYaKen that it's odd that there isn't a bigger outcry from the normal burn the cheater crowd.

The story Rocked.

A well written story, very entertaining!

A good story for 5*****.

Deyaken I'll have you know that I'm married to a real man and I read your story too. It sucked! Deal with it! cantbuymy's story was a whole lot better than yours, as over-the-top was it was! You need to check yourself sweetie!!

@DeYaKen

You just don't get it. Do you? Sometimes, living well is the best revenge. Personally, I would have loved to see John beat the living hell out of Dick, but it wasn't necessary and didn't fit with the theme of this tale. Dick is going to get his in court when he gets Jack and Squat from the Divorce, and ends up having to pay Alimony and Child support. You obviously don't read many of my tales, since I make the Assholes pay a lot more than the cheating wives.

Now, if you wish to keep libeling those of us that you call "real men" in a derogatory tone, instead of getting over the fact that quite a few of us didn't like your tale, then that's on you. But whatever. "Small men denigrate those they feel are a threat to them."

Get over yourself.

@oshaw

My apologies for putting this here, but DeYaKen was out of line. Your tale is a masterpiece.

ABSOLUTLY BEAUTIFUL

100% agree with the Dragons :)

Deyaken give it a rest man. People didn't like your last story and the utterly spineless main character in it who neither felt nor acted like a real person would given his situation. CBM did a far better job with your characters and plot than you managed to so get over it already and maybe stop writing stories for the cucks seeing as you don't like the outcome.

Richards fate wasn't important to the outcome of this tale, only the happy ever after for the two lovers.

Another outstanding tale Oshaw, and the only change I'd make would be maybe to post it under romance as considering the scores your getting in LW, I'd bet in romance they would be through the roof :)

Got a good laugh at the Anon Grammar Police comments. Looking forward to more stories form you.

Enjoyable feel good story where the bad guy loses, and the heroine maintains the high road. Didn't see the 4th of July twist coming, which was handled very well. The bizarre small town dynamics were captivating. A little more pain for the dastardly hubby would have been nice, if it could have been handled without the heroine's overt involvement.

Yes, there were plot holes, mistakes, grammar and spelling errors, nothing that a good editor couldn't help with. Doesn't change the fact that oshaw is a great storyteller, and I'm looking forward to reading more of their work.

of Mr. Dupree onward! 5 rating here. The previous pages a 4. Great job.

I do think DeYaken has a point, although I read LSD's rebuttal and that has some appeal as well. It is the approach I took in my divorce. Definitely a lot more calls for BTB when the female has cheated.

I'm feeling truly enriched by this experience. Thank you! Please shop this story, I'd love to see it in film.

I don't believe in double standards. A cheating asshole jerkoff prick low life husband left his wife and child and tried to take everything they own. In the end he got nothing. NOTHING. Read one of Amy's tale. Stop talking about others and worry about yourself. Author, keep up the excellent work. Great tale start to finish. FIVE STARS

A cheating husband story, so fits that theme of LW stories. A nice, feel-good tale. I think the author may have committed the sin of making the hubby too much of a complete piece of shit. Made the loss to the wife less impactful. I was particularly moved by the initial confrontation: "what did I ever do to deserve this?" as hubby walked away was a powerful image.

It is a feel-good story after that, with some drama. The dialogue, when used to drive the story, was good. The narration was at times a bit dry.

The neighbor was perhaps too good to be true, a lot like the fantasy women in other LW authors' tales: the antithesis of the asshole hubby. It works on a romance level.

I thought the wife was the most interesting character by far: good but flawed, weak but with a reserve of strength, the most 'real' character in the tale.

Overall, well done. I think the author was right to introduce the LW readership to his/her work. I'll read more.

"betrayedbylove" does the trick

oshaw, I want to thank you for your story "Balance". I am of the opinion it is a superb effort at creativity. I just wish that in real life, that there really could be justice for those downtrodden by a society that worships Social Pseudo-Darwinism.

I applaud your courage to be willing to experiment and imagineer against the ignorance of the anti-intellectuals who infest this site. A scientist who finds what he is looking for is not a genius but just another bureaucrat in a white coat. A genius finds what he was not looking for and recognizes that this discovery is way more important then the original objective. Such as searching for Prester John and discovering Kublai Khan!

At first I agreed with the assessment that the scene with the Elk was a serious error of facts. But upon reconsideration, it stunned me to realize that you have written a brilliant metaphor. Unfortunately many people today are basically only functionally literate. They lack the willingness to understand that Christian Mystery acts, Elizabethan plays or Mozart's 'Magic Flute' are all based on metaphors.

An excellent read and refreshing to see a truly evil bloke who got his just deserts.

So often it's the women who is the bad person on this site.

Also good to see the comments from some of the burn the bitch readers equally happy to burn the man, like them I hate cheaters almost as much as I hate my father-in-law.

Kept thinking that she was somehow the bad guy up until about halfway. Nice to c a change. Caught me off guard though, Well done!

Very well written, 5 stars all the way.

I just read your comment on qhml1's latest story offering. Your writing is every bit as good as the public rating rather effectively shows. Keep up the good work. I look forward to reading your work for years to come.

FYI.

As far as we know - the ending ignores him as she should ignore him - he is beaten and has nowhere to go and nothing to get him there -

He was ordered to return that which he almost certainly no longer has.- he has lost all he values and all he built - he has exactly what he deserves - nada.

She has her daughter and a new man and all she could ever want - as well as most of the town behind her - not too shabby - even if she paid dearly for it - she won big time - winning can be painful but you get over the pain and hopefully enjoy the fairly won victory.

Nicely conceived and written - again - yep some grammar and tense errors and one spot where I think Barbara turned into Linda - but we can survive the little things they do not distract from the overall story - Thanks

there i was, getting wound up about whether the wife was a cunt or the cuck was a pussy... and then i read it. i almost got misty eyed! you bastard. keep writing.

I kept expecting him to have cause for sharing her... then when I realized he was an ass I wondered how things would work out... her mom was a smart lady... loved the story...

Richard got off too easy.

Left his wife and child without heat, electric, water, food or the money to pay for them, tried to make his wife homeless, and thought after all that he deserved custody of his daughter.

Look up unmitigated gall and that is his picture.

A despicable cheater like that needs taken out back of the woodshed.

Near Perfect

What a story! I agree with the other commenter that this should be a 10. This is a very imaginative and entertaining story. About burning Richard, I think that living a happy and fulfilling life is enough punishment. I did not want this story to end. Well Done!

#3..I have read and enjoyed..I don't know how I missed your previous stories but I'll be caught up by the end of the day..kudos for your efforts..your themes are varied and you are an excellent story teller..thanx again

Wish I could give it 6 stars.

A wonderful story x

but reading fortune sent me scurrying back to read your other contributions.

What a fine writer you are.

As far as 'Fortune' goes, I cannot believe the argument in the comments about the family law system. For my part, I know that it CREATES massive injustices, and if not the kids, the ex-hubby gets punished for having put his trust in his ex... but sadly the kids also get their share of 'justice', and usually, according to the depth of the finances involved. Call me a cynic, I don't care. I didn't start out that way.

But all of that aside, the story was just a story, and was written to create a reality that we could live in for a short while, and by god, you succeeded in that.

So much so, that it gave me the desire to get reacquainted with your other work.

And in this category of Lit, having a woman protagonist who was the deserving 'good guy' all the way through, is a great relief from the usual tripe that people peddle around here.

Keep up the good work, you've done an excellent job so far.

And the cunt from the 'Horse Whisperer' is still a whore.

Wonderful story, vivid character development. Loved every aspect of this (and every one of your) story(ies).

Thank you for sharing your talent with us.

I expect periodically that a particular poster, either under his name, or a doppelganger that I became aware of, or anonymously will post a comment of how I have redacted his posts. This individual has a history of critiquing stories as though he is doing us all a favor by doling out his pearls of wisdom. Ironically, this self described genius has yet to write his first story here on Literotica.

This individual sought me out through private communication and continued to critique my stories using the most inane examples possible. That was when I made the mistake of pointing out the typos and poor grammar and flawed reader's comprehension of the individual's comments. Fair play, right?

That led to an escalating exchange of communications, whereupon, the individual called my Mother some vile derogatory terms.

Look, you may not like my stories, you may criticize them till the cows come home and that is fine by me. All I'm trying to do is give back to a website where I have enjoyed so many well written stories.

But, when you take the opportunity to vilify my deceased Mother, a line has been crossed. So, I elected to delete this individual's comments and now he is pissing all over himself that I am not letting him play in my sandbox.

Too fucking bad, asshole. You may post, and it may stay up temporarily, but rest assured it will eventually be taken down. I think a cursory review of the comments on my stories will show I'm pretty open minded to criticisms and I want that dialogue to continue. But understand, you cross that line of defaming my family then I will respond accordingly.

I am a fan of BTB Loving wife stories. Not sure what catagory this is, romance maybe? The most obvious error I noticed is adult female elk not being called a cow elk, which is a non issue. Well, maybe a bit of wikipedia searching on female sex apparatus may help a bit, but that is so common as to be a non issue. Whatever, a fun read and a solid 5 stars.

DaYaKen is correct.

When it's a woman, it is suggested they be abused, tortured, or gang raped by an ethnically diverse population.

When it's a man 'living well is the best revenge'.

Huh!

I enjoyed the story, but had to check my insulin levels whenever John came onto the scene.

So many writers have no sense of commas. For example:

"So mourn the woman that you love today and tomorrow, I'll be waiting for you."

As written it says to love the woman today AND tomorrow, whereas the obvious intent is say to love the woman today, I'll be waiting for you tomorrow. The comma should come between today and and. An easy way to check is to read the sentence out loud pausing at the comma, and it should be obvious.

And BTW, how Richard could ever be awarded custody after abandoning his daughter in a house with no utilities and no money is beyond me.