All Comments on 'Balance'

and enjoyed it, though it's a so very corny Hollywood script. Was also startled to see so many commas in so many wrong places!

You sir are a great story teller and this was a very great tale. Thank you for the enjoyment reading this moving story.

Thank you!

"he had found someone he was in love with" - I'll say the same thing I say with the cheating wives; you don't just fall in love, there are many steps to get to that point, and if you're married you DON'T take those steps!

"Barbara was scurrying around trying to accommodate one of the elderly ladies' request for a pillow" - She may have to put up with them being there, but she doesn't have to be their servant!

Name switch on the wife, he called her Linda, not Barbara! They're not going to live there unless they have $2 million to buy her out! What makes Kim think that they'll be able to outbid everyone else bidding on a $4 million property? It would cost less to buy Barbara out of her share for $2 million, if she'd sell.

Custody battle? Linda is fifteen, she has at LEAST a large say in custody, depending on the state and other considerations she might even have the final say!

It's costing Richard just as much, maybe even more in legal fees.

Without her mother's plan she would hardly have been homeless - she still would have half the proceeds of the sale of the house. Maybe it wouldn't sell for $4 million, but even $3 million gets her $1.5 million! Not exactly "bag lady" money!

I loved the story line and the way the story was written. It made this veteran cry, because it can be so true that love can be found in unexpected ways.

But one thing I didn't get was why Richard or better yet his lawyer didn't ask where is the 4 million Barbara inherited? Taking cash didn't make a beans worth of difference. I suppose John could lie under oath and risk jail time for perjury. They showed proof that Allison had the money and paid taxes and proof Barb inherited mom's entire estate. Anyone have an answer? It doesn't hurt the story I'm just curious.

To the above comment - inheritance is not considered joint property in a divorce.

It probably depends on what State Barbara lives in, but if inheritance is not joint property why was she worried?

Should have been in Romance, but I'll take a 5* story wherever it is.

Thank you so much. I didn't know.

Barbara didn't inherit the cash. Her mom gave it to John to invest, and it was done in his name so it wasn't connected to her or her estate. The only actual inheritance was the escrow fund to care for the house and I think there was an insurance policy. Everything else was in John's name.

PERSONALLY I DONT GIVE A SHIT ABOUT INACCURACIES,ITS LIKE MOANING ABOUT MARY POPPINS BEING ABLE TO FLY ,QOATING THAT MAGIC DOESNT REALLY EXIST SO HOW CAN SHE? YOU KNOW WHAT, ITS ALL MAKE BELIEVE JUST LIKE THIS STORY, GREAT LITTLE STORY,ENJOYED EVERY BIT, JUST 5*****.

You can't just toss a grenade into a crowded room like that. You just keep your bullshit opinions about Marry Poppins to yourself. She can fly and you can't prove otherwise.

Such a great piece of literature , superb story thank you

"While she was grateful for all his help, she would have preferred that he had asked permission before he presumed to work on her house!" - WTF! First, she was in no condition to give OR deny permission, second, would she rather that he left her with no power, water, heat, phone, etc, and a house in disrepair?

"the transformation from Linda being an atypical teenage junk food addict" - This should be "a typical teenage..." - ATYPICAL means NOT typical!

"I have also instructed her to give you my cell phone number." - Minor point - why not just give her the cell phone number now?

"the homeowner insurance agency balked at the $30,000 price tag." - It's a moot point, but a) the insurance AGENCY simply sells the policy, it's the insurance COMPANY that pays the claim, and b) if the damage is covered by the policy, they can "balk" all they want, they have to pay for the repairs.

Why was there no question about what her mother did with the four million dollars?

Probably the best love story I gmhave read here! Thank you..

I have read many stories in many categories. Your first story I read was Equation. I was impressed and decided to read more. If nothing else, you are consistent in writing the best stories on this site. The editing is excellent also.

I thought the best authors were in the romance category but you have rocketed past all of them. There is nothing to nit pick on this story. The lead characters have good depth and Linda was icing on the cake. Thank you so much for writing and sharing. You, IMHO, are the best author on this site.

A beautiful moving tale of betrayal, struggle and the healing power of love.

Barbara, Linda and John all have the range of qualities that we admire in others and would like to possess ourselves, and Richard is as slimy a sack of excrement as one could ever hope not to meet. All believable characters, superbly articulated by the author and evolving as the story unfolds.

Another superb offering from one of the premier authors on this site.

LA

Clearly true love for your fellow humans. Loved that he followed through on his promise to Barbara’s mother.

One very minor complaint is that the plural of ‘elk’ is ‘elk’. As with all cervids, the singular and plural are spelled the same.

Character development was great! Just a great story overall, even without the sex.

Great story. However without sex, the most I can give outside the "Non Erotic" category is 4 stars. Had this been placed there, would have been a 5 easy.

DO NOT need a blo by blo sex scene. Just saying the sex was really good is more than plenty. This is a Romance hardly a Loving wives story and it's a very good one. 5 stars.

A decent story but a bit too long.Where did Richard work,where did he live after he left,where did he get the money to pay all the lawyers and experts fees?.Also the custody question was unnecessary,as Linda was old enough to decide who she wanted to live with.

Thos story shows how two peoples greed overtook a whole town. Richard and his girlfriend altered many lives over greed and in the end there opposition came out victoriously. Barbara and John along with Linda learned to love amd heal.

First you say the story is too long, the you say the story needs another page or two to fill in unimportant details (where he worked) or regurgitate information already given as to what her ex got the money to pay for attorneys and experts. Did you forget that he cleared out ALL of their bank accounts?

Perhaps you should limit your reading to "documents" consisting of 140 characters or less. There's nothing wrong with this story as written. Many readers think it's great.

I never or almost never nit pick a story and I will not this time. As far as I am concern there is nothing to nit pick at. While I am always up for a good BTB story, this one did not disappoint. LOL "B" standing for bastard this time. Loved the twist with how her Mother set things up. GOOD JOB.

This is a well written story.

But the story is a victorian romance story.

Everything black or white.

This story should be under Romance

not Loving Wives.

As a R story this might be a gem,

but as a LW story it's not.

3 out of 5 from me.

A couple of observations:

This story could be lengthened and turned into an Ovary Channel (WE, Hallmark, Lifetime, etc ), movie.

I was thinking about the use of the Rifle as noted being an M16 and it didn't seem to click as most of the Rifles I saw and we used in that time period of Operation Enduring Freedom (Afgan War) and the Operation Iraqi Freedom (Iraq War), were the M4. But now that I think of it, the Marine Corps, which thinking back the story mentioned he joined, were still using the M16A3 version back then. That was the same rifle I used in 1990 as a young Navy Intel Officer during Desert Shield/Storm (Gulf War), until some genius desk jockey/REMF (Rear Echelon Mother Fucker) decided it was time for combat trials of a very new and very flawed XM4.

Like the M16A2 in Viet Nam, we called the XM4 in The Gulf War, "The Widowmaker 2.0" for its uncanny ability to jam at the most inopportune times. It's pretty bad when you had to rely on the attached M203 Grenade Launcher as the only fireable part of the Rifle in a "squirmish". Even after repeated visits and retrofits in the field by Colt Engineers, including plastic (neoprene) parts in the Trigger Assembly, they and WE, gave up on them. Because Plastic parts rubbing against hot metal parts with a little sand thrown in works so damn well. (Hella-Sarcasm). At that point, I got my hands on the Navy's version of the M240, which was the M240B or "The Pig" as it was aptly nicknamed.

Needless to say, after 9-11 happened and I signed onto the National Guards, we were issued M4's and I nearly shit my pants lol. But by then, Colt had nearly all the bugs worked out of them. You still had to clean them often but at least you weren't trying to do it in the middle of a battle lol. But instead, I opted to go back to my old friend, "The Pig". There were not too many guys volunteering to carry the 28lb M240B plus ammo, around lol. But I knew whatever that 7.62 x 51mm round hit would stay down. Snipers called their Headshots Pink Mist, we called M240B's Headshots, Red Splat.

This time around I was married with kids and I promised them I would come back alive and in one piece thinking we would only be there for a Tour of 6-months or maybe 1 year. 24 months and 3 days later, I walked back thru the door of my house. Nothing like a 22 Month Tour to piss a guy off. At one point talking to my wife on about month 14 I told her if she needed to go and get a little she could because I didn't know how long we would be over there. (But never more than once from the same guy, full protection, and she had to travel far out of our small town to get it). She told me it wasn't necessary (I knew it wouldn't be) as she has never had a super high sex drive and she said if I wasn't getting any and risking my life everyday, she sure as Hell wasn't going to while sitting safely at home. She never turned me down on any given day unless I was starting to rub her raw lol. Needless to say, on about the 3rd day back home she was getting pretty raw. She did after the 1st day lol but she "Soldiered" thru it until Day 3.

Sadly, that wasn't my only Tour to the Sandbox. There were 2 more in Iraq, both about 8 months and 1 in Afghan that got cut short after 3 months when I got caught zigging when I should have been zagging lol. Granted it wasn't as big as my 7.62 x 51mm Round, but the 7.62 x 39mm AK round hurt quite a bit. Fortunately, my armor Deflected most of it, the rest was a couple of rib bones and Nerve Bundles by my spine.

Geez you think you're getting feedback and you get a huge weapons history lesson. Good story though.

Wasn't expecting the story that I got when I began reading it. Very well done. Thanks for sharing it with us.

The descent of Barbara and Linda after Richard's financial chicanery ending in her accident had me ready to move on because the tale was too depressing.

Fortunately, she woke up in bed with the lights on just before I reached for the close button.

thank you for your service.

This story has so much heart. The writing is gorgeous. The emotional impact roused over 200 comments. People read this and cared -an awesome achievement. 5*

So looking forward to your next story (L)

thanks

Entertaining story, however, medical services to the USMC are provided by the navy in the form of MDs or corpsman. Doctors do not ever go through USMC boot camp.

he wasn't a doctor yet, but would have to be overseen .

I do not know about the Corp, but in the Amy corpmen are called doc. Slap hapy papy #9

the Navy corpsmen who train with the Marines are thought of very highly by those they serve with . they have to be in as good shape also.

Very well put together.

Keep me involved from start to finish.

Enjoyed the story a lot.

Some minor points:

The plural of elk is elk. As with all cervids, the singular and plural are the same.

A female elk is a cow, just as a male is a bull.

It was a nice story. I was hoping for more sex. I didn't like having to read 5 pages for just one sex scene.

5 stars

Kept me enjoying the whole way

Docs do PT with us and sometimes cuss about joining the Navy not the blankety blankety Marines But in good way

At least it was like that in old Corps

For pointing me to this srort. It was so very good. The battle scene brought back sounds and smells of things I didn't want remember. Then you made me cry about real love, which I finally found. I love this story and all it says. I will immediately put it in my favorites.

Excellent story that kept me turning the pages.

It had it all except for the ass kicking the ex deserved.

Very moving story, 5 stars.

If you were to not write any more stories people would hold this story up as the standard every other story is measured against. This is right there with the story Aiding And Abetting'. Great job.

This is the first six-page story I have read in which the sex didn't start until the final page. The story was engaging enough that I kept reading anyway. The main character is presented with enough depth for the reader to identify with and care what happens to her: rare in these stories.

There are some minor issues with spelling and sentence structure (compliment, not complement, for example) , but not enough to detract unduly from the storyline.

There are also some issues with legalities and believability , such as all bank assete being frozen on the same day all utilities are shut off, with no notice of any kind. Too much to give it creedence. However, we simply employ our suspension of disbelief and carry on reading a generally well-written tale.

This is also the first story I have read by this author. I'll most definitely be reading more.

I suppose men can be cheating, gold digging, social climbing sluts just like the wives!!!

Only one thing I can say. Thank you.

But I see ZERO reason a law suit wouldn't under cover the 4 million so Richard couldn't get half. The only reason was losing the money which could not be proven in this story. Anyone care to dispute that? Hiding the money was very weak in this one. I've read others that were very good, but this one fails too easy.

So John gets $4 million from mother to invest and hold for daughter.

But, daughter actually does not get any benefit, until her husband divorces. What if there was no divorce. Was John planning to keep the $4 million? If not, when was he planning to turn over the $4 million?

Story makes no sense.

Nor is it likely that in these days where all property tax records are computerized that anyone could hide the property transfer.

The best stories are those with compelling story lines that do not depend on an author taking cheap shortcuts with unbelievable events.

Finally, some commentators suggested that Richard would have been entitles to 50% of the inheritance as it came into being during marriage. That is not correct. Generally, inheritances are not subject to equitable distribution because, by law, inheritances are not considered marital property. Instead, inheritances are treated as separate property belonging to the person who received the inheritance, and therefore may not be divided between the parties in a divorce.

Why only a "Lit 5"? The schmaltz is too thick, and, if you are going to write about the legal system, you have an obligation to your audience to get basic things right; not a lot of detail, but the basic things. To take just ONE example, under the circumstances, Linda's custody would never be in doubt. Unless a parent is a heroin addict, alcoholic, or something similar, courts in every state would defer to her choice of parent. That's basic, and it was an unforced error because the custody issue wasn't really central to the drama. As for the Anon who thinks Richard could have "uncovered" the $4 million and gotten $2 million, in every single state, uncommingled inheritances are separate, NOT community property. In this case property was given to Dupree who held it in trust, either formally or informally. The mother didn't worry about Dupree being honest because she not only knew him well, but the money involved from her estate wouldn't even be a rounding error on Dupree's balance sheet. Those are the author's facts, and he's entitled to write it any way he wants.

All I can say is WOW! Adding to my favorites to read over again in the future. Thanks for a great story.

You did good in correcting the issue of inheritances being "...in every single state, uncommingled inheritances are separate, NOT community property." Except for one flaw; New Hampshire and Connecticut as two examples specifically allow ALL property acquired during a marriage to be divided, commingled or not. In at least New Hampshire even assets that are inherited after separation or the filing of a divorce action can be divided by the court. Ain't that a kick in the head?

There are numerous states with cities named Warrenton, I don't recall any location information other than the name of the town so whatever laws we wish to look to don't really matter as they vary from state to state. That said there is nothing to have prevented Oshaw from placing Warrenton any place in his universe that he wished. I for one would be pleased to have been able to call Barbara, Linda, John and the late Allison as neighbors and friends.

Anyone who didn't think this was an excellent effort by the Author should go back and reread John's testimony on the stand. This is at least my third read and it's just gotten better each time. My only issue and it's minor is just although this does fit in the guidelines for LW stories I think it would fit much more comfortably in Romance. Signed: BTW

which will put you 4 steps out the door. TK U MLJ LV NV

Decent story,though let down by the ending.There had to be more in this story eg did they get married.One flaw in the arrangement John had with her mother,what happens if he dies before she ever got divorced?.

This started as another well written story, but it quickly became grating to read "John Dupree carried" "John Dupree walked" "John Dupree said" "John Dupree...".

"Mr. Dupree", "her neighbor", "their benefactor", "the man who had already done so much"... and on and on. You can see how much less repetitive and, more to the point, more easy to read this change makes to the flow of the story.

I thought you were going to fix that, once they introduced themselves properly, and for a bit you did... and then you went right back to that ridiculous full-name nonsense.

Here's a test for comparison: What other character do you incessantly repeat their whole name, and Only their whole name, in every description of them, internal thoughts or out loud?

Ok, frustration two, why, after all of the blatantly vile and purposefully harmful actions taken by the shitebag (Against his Own Daughter!) would the judge award him "liberal" visitation rights?

Why would they ignore the actively and openly malicious ways that would endanger his daughter? Shutting off power, water and heat!? Emptying their bank accounts and cancelling their credit? Never making any contact or providing any means of supplying food or (viable) shelter?

These are not the actions of a person who should have unmonitored access to a minor child! These are actions that should be the subject of an investigation into the fitness of having ANY access to ANY child!

Ok, that last may be a bit of a stretch of wishful thinking fueled bad memories... but still... liberal visitation? :(

Ok, I'm obviously a hardass when I find a problem, but the simple fact is that you built another good tale here. Barbara's slow, steady and purposeful recovery and development into a new woman was wonderful to watch.

Your storytelling is excellent and, as I'm coming to expect from you, I finished your story with a happy sigh from my smiling face.

Thank you, again, for sharing your time and talent.

Impossible to believe that all that high-priced legal talent didn't check land registry and learn who actually owned the house.

The military side is a complete farce. No need to explain the military people will just laugh harder. So how did Mom hide 4 million??? This story offers no solution, none. Richard can still suit for half and win.

Despite any weaknesses in the storyline, I found it most enjoyable.

So what if the military details are incorrect and the legal transfers unlikely, this is a story not a record of fact.

I thought it was good, very few errors and a happy ending ! More please.

An immensely enjoyable one. There may be doubts over the military issues as well as how the house transfer was concealed which if this story was by a professional writer would be criminal. Sorry for being simple but I thoroughly enjoyed it.

Thank you. For the fourth time, over a couple of years, I have read this story and continue to enjoy it immensely. It just makes me feel damn good!! I have read the comments that question the military portion and other points, but the good emotions that run through the entire story are the only things that make a difference. Keep writing. I enjoy your work and look forward to reading much more. May I so humbly suggest that the main character should have his story continued. I feel that there is so much more good he could do. Thank you again. Admiring your work from Orlando.

Damn.

Full marks.

Damn.

I read this story I want to award 5 stars. The site only allows once so we'll have to live with that. An excellent story that captures almost every emotion that people have.

If I have left a previous comment then consider this an extension. If not, know that this one doesn't begin to tout your story enough.

Thank you for a wonderful read and for your hard work. Would hope to see more from you.

Woodmanone

This story is masterfully written and a thorough joy to read. A tale of an evil husband, a misunderstood man and a strong woman with her daughter. It is not the kind of story I seek out but having found it I rejoice in it's existence. Thank You 5***** Great Job!

Reading this again, I am reminded that this wonderful story is one of the best I've ever read in LW. Perfect.

one of the best stories, and that is what is most important to me, I have ever read on Literotica. Thank you Sir

Richard needed to pay court costs and Barbara's lawyer's fees as well; the cost of being an unmitigated jackass...

You are a great writer. Another story please?

Thank you

RLH

How half of the cash Allison got for the house did not end up going to Richard in the divorce.

Excellent story!

Overall, good story. The neighborhood association was a bit dramatic, like a Hallmark movie.

AS FOR THE $4 MILLION, THE WAY IT WAS TOLD, BARBARA'S MOTHER WITHDREW THE MONEY, IN CASH, SO THERE IS NO LONGER A LEGAL PAPER TRAIL TO FOLLOW. SO LEGALLY I ASSUME THE COURTS CAN'T PROVE IT STILL EXISTS, BECAUSE ALL MOTHER'S MONEY ACCOUNTS ARE CLOSED OUT. DUPREE TELLS BARBARA WHAT MOTHER DID WAS TO GIVE HIM THE MONEY TO INVEST IN HIS NAME (I ASSUME). I ALSO ASSUME, SINCE DUPREE HAS TOLD BARBARA OF HER MOTHER'S PLAN OF ACTION AND THAT THE ACCOUNT IS NOW $5 MILLION. ASSUMPTION 3 IS THAT DUPREE GIVES BACK THE ACCOUNT TO BARBARA, SOMEHOW AVOIDING TAXES, AND LEGAL REPERCUSSIONS. HENCE, MONEY LAUNDRY AT ITS BEST. NOW IT WOULD HAVE BEEN BETTER IF THE AUTHOR HAD MENTIONED SOME MORE ABOUT THIS ACTION OF DUPREE AND MOTHER. SO WE ASSUME WHAT WE CAN.

A VERY GOOD STORY. 8 OUT OF 10****

A guardian angel. We all have one if we believe. Have a hard life sometimes but things always seem to work out? That's why, your guardian angel at work. Great feel good story. Keep writing.

Most excellent! A well woven story. May your times here on earth be good! During this time of trouble within this nation stand tall as your hero John. Good fortune to you and yours!

A quiet guardian!

This is my favorite story of yours, and among the best I have read on this site.

that was maudlin at best. The only things missing were the orphan and the crippled dog. When I want schmaltz I'll read Dickens.

Great story i didn’t want it to end

Very well done

The plural of elk is elk, not elks.

Most of the revelations were totally expected but nice anyway.

I bitch at authors not finishing a story. This one had a satisfactory ending if not as I would.

Still better off finished than not.

Bill

Good story, Richard was a complete leech.

perfect!

Richard made more money than a teacher’s salary so why didn’t he have to alimony from the time he left Barbara financially to when she married.

Beautiful!

Beautiful. I love surprises!

Beautiful story and the ex got his or didn't get his depending on how you look at it. Even in real life ex's want to screw you over and then expect to come back and pick up where left off, well no! We ain't taking them back! Nice story and praise for the editors of course.

Wonderful and beautiful story. Definitely a 5 star 🌠🌟🌠🌟🌠🌟🌠🌟🌠🌟

I enjoyed this story very much and gave it 5 stars. The only correction I would like to offer is in the United States Marine Corps we have no medical personnel. All of our medical, dental and optometry needs are supplied by the United States Navy. So there would be no reason to call a Marine like John Dupree "Doc". Also Camp Lejeune does not have Drill Instructors stationed there. Drill Instructors are station only at Marine Corps Recruit Depots such as Parris Island, South Carolina, or at Marine Corps Recruit Depot San Diego, California The Navy also provides us with "taxi services" transporting Marines to our duty stations through out the world.

Beautifully done. Thank you.

I cheer the ones with the good sense to enjoy a good story (most of the comments) and pity those who can't appreciate it. Thanks to oshaw for a very good read.

somewhere east of Omaha

I re-read this after being ‘wowed’ by Equation by the same author. This yarn has a strong opening scenario with a good plot, but the writing was somewhat clunky in places and the story became weaker towards the end. I also felt that it should have been classified as a ‘feel good’ romance rather than a Loving Wives story. Some of the character development was weak. For instance, the husband, Richard and his girlfriend felt like cartoon villains rather than real people. Also, John Dupree was so perfect I expected him to polish his halo at least once. Seriously, no-one is that bad, or that perfect. One good point is that the sex scenes did not drown the plot which happens in many Literotica yarns. 4 stars.

Good story well told. I enjoyed it. Five

excellent english. there is however, no john hopkins. it's johns (no apostrophe) hopkins. a merged name.

Well-crafted story. Twists and turns, and it kept me reading until the very end.

5/5

My second reading, what a great story. Don't you wish all things like this end in a happy ending. The problem is there are really too many despicable people out there who contribute nothing to society that is positive. I am blessed and have been very fortunate in my life. There were some very bad downs but enough ups that I have survived. I will pass and leave my children better off than I was. Like one phrase in this story tat stands out: "The love you take is equal to the love you make." A truly great story, kudos to the author and his editors of course!

Some people can really tell a love story!!!

I think this is the third time I've read this story and wish I could cheat on the scoring chart. It is so easy to develop an emotional feeling toward and to identify with Barbara as she eases into a state of calmness as her solitary run that eclipses the physical discomfort. And to feel John's loss as you reflect on the sense of sorrow he felt as the most important person in your life is stolen by an illness that can not be blocked. This was the story of two loving wives. I have added this story to my personal list of favorite stories. I wonder how many readers have oshaw on their personal list of favorite authors? I so need a member account. Someone who lives South of Oh My God Nebraska.

A stunning piece of writing. A beautiful love story beautifully told. Barbara, Linda and John are all wonderful creations and I've wiped better things than Richard of the bottom of my shoe.

LA

Second time reading this. The only nit I have is that Barbara’s mom sold the house for $4 million and now Dupree is giving the house and the $4 million (well, $5 million now) to Barbara. So, Barbara is getting double paid. But, just a nit. Other than that, an excellent story.