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I quickly agreed and after a bit more small talk about Jennifer, and making plans to get together two days later, Bill headed home. After he left I did shed a number of tears, but at the same time, I had a feeling of great relief, I knew I couldn't turn the clock back, but at least, I could finally let it go forward.
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It was almost funny, but after Bill went home that night, a feeling of peace and contentment fell over me. I knew there was no way I could go back and get a do-over, and I didn't expect Bill to lift me off my feet and carry me into the future. No, I'd screwed up, and I was paying the price. It didn't stop me from loving him, nor wanting to make things as good as possible for Jennifer, I just felt that finally, I had done the right thing.
I appreciated the fact that Bill hadn't walked out, though it was obvious that listening to me wasn't the easiest thing in the world for him to do. Unfortunately I knew that I probably had reopened some old wounds, or pulled the scabs off some slow healing ones, but hopefully it brought him some of the closure I felt. In fact it was the possibility that he would walk out that terrified me the most. Maybe it was just me being selfish again, but I needed to tell him, to get it off my chest, to have him listen to me, to understand that I accepted full responsibility, and to be honest, to hopefully understand that no matter what, I had never stopped loving him.
But all I could do now was to wait. Clearly I had dumped a lot on Bill and he was entitled to all the time he needed to respond. In fact, I was ecstatic that he even wanted to respond, though at the same time there was some anxiousness as to the form his response would take. Even the possibility that he would react badly and revert to the icy cold that had permeated our interaction after he threw me out didn't detract from the feelings of peace I finally felt.
It had taken a lot of time, but I realized that in order to move forward, I had to own up and accept the blame for everything. Hopefully by doing so, I finally could live with myself.
Even if everything stayed the same as it was, I would still be happy, and ready to continue on doing what I could to make my daughter's life as happy as possible, and let her see a positive interaction between her parents. On the other hand, any improvement in my relationship with Bill would be more than I could ever hope for.
- COMMENTS
Anonymous24 days agoThis was painful to read. First, these long-winded, circular, over-explaining speeches are NOT readable. Go read 'Stalin's Collected Speeches to the Party Congresses of the Soviet Union' and your eyes will glaze over the same way. Then, this pathetic writer TELLS us mostly what Bill says rather than shows us Bill responding. This part should've been about 300-words, max, long and appended to the last turd in this suite.
Pappy73 months agoShe sounds like she is on a loop, same old shit, different conversation. Sounds to me like her councilor is stealing her money in these sessions.
Anonymousabout 1 year agoThat WAS NOT the silly moron the author wrote a couple years ago in the first few chapters. That’s that trap an author can step in when he or she writes in first person, as this one did repeatedly for this wife. THAT person is not THIS person.
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Anonymousabout 3 years agoHonestly what she did went too far, no sympathy for the slut. I was hoping the husband had told her to get f*cked and eat shit instead. I couldn't even finish this chapter.
