Black And Undead In Canada

I think we should find someplace to hole up and ride this out, I told Carlos. Fuck you man I'm going after my family, was his reply. We were in the apartment, drinking beer while watching the depressing footage of American, British, South African, Libyan, Nigerian and Chinese soldiers getting routed by the zombies across every battle field. This is unreal, Timothy said, puffing on a cigarette. So far the situation in Ontario was stable. The worst of the mess was confined to the Greater Toronto Area, where armed men and women seemed to be holding their own against the zombies. I'd seen the huge piles of zombie bodies burning in front of Toronto City Hall, the same place where ex-Mayor Rob Ford smoked crack, once upon a time.

There was still some hope for Canada, at least that's what I told myself. Now, you might wonder what a vampire like myself thinks of the zombie apocalypse. I had yet to come up face to face with a zombie. I'd seen a few vampires since forcibly joining club undead but I kept away from them. The last thing I wanted to do was run into a friend of Yasmina Aden's who might be inclined to finish what she started ages ago. So, yeah, I was about as nervous as any person would be about facing zombies. If that surprises you, it really shouldn't.

Look, man, I've already died once and I didn't enjoy it one bit. The prospect of dying a second time? I almost shit my pants just thinking about it. That's why I was trying my damnedest to convince Carlos and Timothy to hole up somewhere with me, with supplies aplenty, until this whole thing blows over. In times of emergency, highly stressed human beings become immune to logic and reason. I suppose I shouldn't be surprised at Timothy Nguyen and Carlos Armando's behavior. I cared for them as if they were blood, but they were still only human. I thought we should stick together, ride this whole thing out. Hey, maybe we should get a chick or two to keep us company. Things didn't work between Marjorie and I, but Monica and Carlos are still going strong. Maybe she could convince a couple of her chick friends to join us? Hot ones with flexible morals only, please. Hey, it's the frigging zombie apocalypse and someone's got to think about repopulating the Earth, alright?

Seriously, I had it all planned out. I once visited the basement of the old Nortel Networks campus on Carling Avenue. The complex is huge, and looks like a small city. Back in the day, a ton of tech companies like Avaya and Ericsson used to have their offices there. Nowadays it's largely empty, save for some Canadian government offices. The way I figure it, that place would be the perfect hideout. It's sufficiently far from the populated areas of Ottawa that there won't be a lot of zombies there. It's high-tech, with strong doors and cameras and all kinds of gadgets. The trick would be convincing my buddies to come with me.

There we were, sitting in the basement, watching depressing news on TV. Seriously, how many clips of zombies swarming over cities, towns and entire continents can humans watch until they give up? Carlos and Tim's fixation on watching zombie news had apparently infected Monica, for she was doing the same thing. Let's check it out, I told Tim, showing him a picture of Nortel. Dude we're safer here, he replied. I whacked my favorite Vietnamese amigo upside the head. The city of Ottawa is going to get swarmed so we got to stay on the move, I told him. What about Carlos? Tim asked me tersely. We'll kidnap him and bring him and Monica along, I said with a smile. Don't test me, Monica shot back. I flashed her a fake smile. Just kidding, I said, holding my hands up.

Gripped by inaction, we let another week go by. Carlos, Timothy, Monica and I, holed up in the apartment. That's when the situation in Toronto changed. Zombies swarmed over Canada's largest city in strength and numbers never imagined, and all was lost. For Toronto is only a couple of hours from Ottawa, which meant that we were next. When zombies finish infecting one area, they move on in search of other victims. That's their pattern, you see. They're designed to spread the virus any way they can. The end came unexpectedly. The city of Ottawa found itself besieged by zombies, twin swarms from Montreal and Toronto. Millions of them, marching toward us. Would you believe that my human friends still thought we were safe in their basement apartment?

The end came unexpectedly. You see, on January 17, 2016, the last major city on the north American continent, the City of Ottawa, fell to the zombies. Now, the residents put up one hell of a fight, but in the end, like all major outposts of human civilization, it fell. My friends and I got into this truck and thought we'd high-tail it out of Ottawa. Of course, hundreds of thousands of people had the same idea. The roads were clogged, and soon became death traps. Zombies swarmed over the 417 Highway, feasting on the hundreds of thousands of Canadians fleeing the capital. Carlos, Timothy, Monica and I were among them. Let's get on foot and run for it, Carlos proposed. His first good idea in weeks.

We made a run for it, and I didn't run as fast as I could because I didn't want to abandon my friends. Hey, I'm loyal, alright? That's when I came face to face with my first zombie. At this point I didn't know any more about them than the humans did. In the movies and poorly written novels, both zombies and vampires are considered to be undead. The only time I've seen a vampire versus zombie scenario was on the Deadliest Warrior, an awesome show that used to be on Spike TV ages ago. I don't remember how the episode ended because I was getting high in my parents basement when it aired.

Anyways, as I was saying, I came face to face with a trio of zombies. A large white male, a plump black female and a stocky undead bozo who looked Arab or Mexican. Growling, they stepped toward me. For a moment, they seemed confused and sniffed the air. I didn't hesitate. I swung the axe I carried, and separated the white male zombie's head from his shoulders. A few seconds later I did the same thing to his buddies. Zombie blood splashed me, but I didn't care. I felt...well, not alive, but as lively as an undead man can. Fuck those zombies, I yelled. I turned around, and saw that Monica, Tim and Carlos were standing there, staring at me. How did you do that? Monica asked. Adrenaline, Timothy said tersely, covering for me. Let's go, Carlos said. With that, we got right back to running. We ran until we couldn't run anymore, and finally holed up in the back of an overturned Loblaws truck. First we dispatched the undead driver and took his keys, of course.

We spent the night in the truck. I didn't know it at the time, but it was our last night together. When morning came, I found myself handcuffed to the truck's cargo holder, and my friends unsmiling faces glaring at me. What's up man? I asked Carlos, looking him in the eyes. End of the road bud, he said coldly. We're leaving and we can't take you with us, Timothy said. You're a vampire and you might turn on us eventually, Monica chimed on. Bitch if I wanted you dead you'd be dead already, I said angrily. It dawned on me that the whole thing was this bitch's idea. Things were just fine until this bitch came along, I reminded Timothy and Carlos. Carlos whacked my face with the axe handle, the same axe I used to dispatch the zombies that got in our way yesterday. Don't talk that way about my girlfriend, he said.

I spat blood, and looked at the young Latino man I considered my best friend for so long. This isn't you talking it's that bitch, I told Carlos, rather defiantly. Maybe we should just kill him, Monica said, raw hatred in her eyes as she gazed at me. Even though I was cuffed I tried to rush Monica, only to have my legs kicked out from under me by Timothy. Fuck you Tim, I said as I collapsed on the hard floor of the truck. Let's leave him here, Carlos said. With that, the three of them left me there. Handcuffed in the back of a truck, close to a highway swarming with zombies. Ah, the warmth and wonder of lifelong friends, eh? My best friends in the whole wide world, ladies and gentlemen.

I waited until nightfall, then snapped the damn handcuffs off. In spite of the hordes of zombies I saw everywhere, I made my way off the 417 Highway. I must have killed a hundred of the damn things, sometimes with my bare hands. Zombies are tough, and they don't go down easy but they're no match for the strength that I possess as a vampire. They always seem to hesitate when dealing with me. As if they can't quite believe their eyes. I guess because, like them, I am a dead man brought back to life by a virus. Unlike them, I still retain all of my mental faculties. Thoughts of revenge filled my head about Carlos, Timothy and especially that bitch Monica. I wanted to kill them...slowly. I never quite got the chance. Did they make it? Did the zombies get them? I got no idea, man. Your guess is as good as mine.

Thus I wandered over the vastness of Ontario, using a bicycle because the clogged roads make use of a car impracticable. Finally, I returned to Ottawa. I went back to my old place on the Carleton University campus. I figured that the big city ought to be safer. Zombies tend to leave a place once everyone's been infected. Like an army leaving conquered territory, I guess. It dawned on me that this is exactly what they are. A grand army of the undead conquering the world of the living. I've decided that I won't reach out to humans anymore. No offense dear reader but your species has a habit of stabbing in the back those who are different. You'll understand if ensuring your survival isn't on my list of priorities.