All Comments on 'Blood Chronicles Ch. 01'

This story has a great deal of potential. However, it is severely in need of some thorough editing.

(quite v. quiet; their v. they're; etc, etc, etc)

(And punctuation! Now that would be a concept.)

Poor baby I really hope Aren will find a nice girl to hug up against, and will no longer feel this jealousy when he do. Good start btw, I hope you post very soon.