Book 02: A Match Made Ch. 01

The nearly 30 minute train ride only served to remind me of all the other train rides we'd taken. I have no idea why all these memories have come back tonight. No birthdays, nothing special about the date in our relationship. I was confused. Yeah, I was slightly buzzed - just enough that I'd be okay when we got to my station.

I remember laying my head in my hands. I remember a puppy on the other side of the aisle looking at me hungrily. I remember thinking I wish I'd brought the knife from the setup from the restaurant. I felt him against me as I got off the train. I turned and gave him my death star gaze.

You've never experienced my death star gaze. Consider yourself lucky. Do you remember me talking about the time Dylan and I stared each other down? Mm hmm. That stare. To the tenth power.

I didn't sleep very well that night. And I wound up only eating the salad -- and the potato chips. Wink.

** October 31st **

Kara

Thursday morning I arrived at work extra early with the intention of getting out in plenty of time to get to Barb's, change, and get over to Lissy's office before dinner. If everything went well, maybe we'd be eating together tonight. I couldn't begin to hold back the ear to ear smile at the thought. The day of course crawled by. I skipped lunch, too on edge to eat. Finally at 3, I poked my head in the boss' office, said goodbye and practically ran out the front door of our building.

I flew into the condo and rushed to jump in the shower. I shaved arms, legs and kitty. I had no expectations, just wanted to feel my best. Kitty may be a little miffed at me; I nicked her with the razor. What can I say, I was in a hurry and more than distracted. She seemed to settle down a bit when I ribboned her; she's such a hussy. I giggled to myself as I thought about me talking to kitty. Remembering what a nut I thought Lissy was when she first told me how she talked with hers, now here I am. What can I say, it's fun.

The night before I spent a couple hours trying to decide what to wear and now it seemed totally wrong. It was the nerves, I know this, but it still didn't change the fact that I was tearing through the closet again. I was somewhere in between switching from jeans to a skirt for the fifth time, jabbering to myself in what sounded like a foreign tongue, when Barb decided to stick her head around the corner.

"Whatcha doing?"

"Son of a bitch, Barb!" My voice shrieked and I attempted to throw my jeans at her, but of course they were still partly on my foot and I went tumbling to the floor.

Her laughter filled the room and her hands reached towards me. "There's only one reason you could be in such a state."

I swung my arms, pushing away her hands. "Shut up!" She laughed harder. I looked up her with a scowl that instantly faded at the look on her face. Okay fine! It's funny. I started laughing hysterically with her. She tried to help me up again but we were weak and both fell to the floor this time. Which of course, led to even more madness. Each time I tried to stop, another giggle started. It turned out to be just what I needed. All the anxiety of the night was released with the laughter. When it seemed the last of them were done, Barb and I looked at each other with happy tears and smiled knowingly. "Thanks hon, I really needed that."

"It appears so. Now do you want some help picking out something to wear?" Her words trailed off as she stood and her eyes widened at the heap of clothes. "You don't have to answer, it's obvious you do." One hand looked through the pile as the other was extended once again to help me to my feet. I pulled myself up and put on the skirt I had picked out before all this craziness broke out. Barb looked over her shoulder, "I like that; it fits your body perfectly." She turned, grabbed a v-neck sweater and held it up to me. "Sexy... but not too much. What do you think?" I grabbed it from her and spun towards the full length mirror on the closet door. She was right; it was nice with a hint of sexy. Taking it from the hanger, I pulled it over my head. I remembered now, this was one of the sweaters Lissy bought me; my eyes filled. Barb's chin rested on my shoulder, seeking my eyes. "You look beautiful. No tears." She couldn't know why they were there but she was right. I looked good and this wasn't a time to cry. I needed to get my ass in gear and get to my girl.

I smiled at myself in the mirror and closed the door. "You're right. I'm getting my shoes and getting out of here before I lose my nerve." I didn't wait for a response and she didn't offer one. In less than five minutes I'd added a bit of jewelry, a spritz of perfume and was on the curb hailing a cab. The ride to Lissy's office was surreal. I don't remember time passing. There were cars and lights going across the window and then we were there.

"Ma'am we're here." Those three words put knots in stomach and send my head spinning. I took a few deep breaths. I knew all I had to was wait nearby, she'd come out and the rest would just happen. Okay! I got this! I reached in my purse for the fare and was handing it to the driver when Lissy darted out the front of the building and down the sidewalk. I panicked. What now?!

It was a split second decision. I was too close now to turn back. "Sir, please follow that woman." I pointed, it was obvious who I meant. He gave me a look like I had three heads. "WHAT? Follow her!" He seemed to get it this time and we pulled away. Puppies!! If he wasn't already annoyed at me, he was now. I sat up between the seats, my eyes fixed on her as she kept a brisk pace. I did not want this idiot to lose her. Yes, I know. How can you lose someone who's walking while you're driving? I don't want to find out, okay? Plus, we were hanging back a bit. Obviously he wasn't keen on her noticing. Where are you going Lissy?

Finally she turned and headed inside of Boston Blackie's, a wonderful burger and steak joint; we followed. "Stop here please." Is she meeting someone? I have no right to interfere with her like this. She already has trust issues with me; this might not be the best start to fixing it. A few minutes passed. I needed time to think. I decided to go inside. If she's here with a date, I'll stay out of sight. I just want to see her.

This time I paid the driver and got out. The walk to the front door of the restaurant seemed like forever. It may have something to do with my legs turning to jelly, worrying that she might still be standing at the front waiting for a table. So many things went racing through my mind; don't ask me to remember what they were.

As I pulled the heavy door open, relief washed over me; she was already seated. Like a magnet my eyes found her almost immediately, thankfully her back was to me. She was alone, but she could be waiting for someone. I told the hostess I would seat myself at the bar, she nodded. Making my way around to the opposite side, I sat so I could see her but I wouldn't be visible; even if she turned around. I just had to make sure she was alone before I approached, I owed her that. Unfortunately, my view was of her back. Not that I don't enjoy any angle, but I would love to be looking at her face. Soon Kara, be patient a little longer. I know it's not possible, but I swear I could smell her. I could definitely feel her presence; it made my body and heart all kinds of happy.

I sipped my something, who cares, while I watched the waitress take care of her. My excitement was growing as I began to rationalize that her ordering was a good sign she was alone. It wouldn't be like her to do that before her guest arrived. I had a permanent smile and I'd decided if the food arrives without interruption, I'm going in!

Have you ever been shot? How about hit in the head with a sledgehammer? Me either but I'm pretty sure I know how it feels. Of all the possible scenarios that crossed my mind about tonight, what happened was not even in the realm of possibility. My ears were ringing and sweat slid down my temples. I could not grasp what I was seeing... HOW?!? WHY?! The way Alexis was smiling at her, I know that smile. I covered my mouth and staggered to the bathroom, barely making it inside the stall before throwing up. My legs were trembling as I fought to stay on my feet, tears streaming into the toilet with the rest. Unable to stand another second, I fell to my knees. I was lost... done. My worst possible fear, Lissy in Alexis' arms, was threatening to turn my insides out. I did the only thing I could, I sat and cried.

I have not a clue how long I sat there. Vague memories of footsteps and voices. My nightmare felt real, it was real. When I made it to my feet and to the sink, I couldn't look in the mirror. I was afraid, sickened... I hated me. This is my fault. I'm such a stupid bitch. I splashed water on my face, feeling the swollenness under my fingers. Somehow I made it out of the restaurant; I really don't remember. I walked to the street and followed the sidewalk. Which way? It didn't matter. I just wanted to walk until I couldn't any longer. I don't care where I'm going, it doesn't matter anymore. Tears were freezing to my cheeks and the wind stung. GOOD! I deserve it. My feet got heavier but I wouldn't stop. The only thought in my mind... Lissy... I love you and I'm so sorry.

***

It must have been the shivering that woke me or maybe it was the stabbing pain in my shoulder. It took all my strength to sit up, but my eyes stayed closed. Where am I? It's so cold. Slowly I tuned in to my surroundings. Cars - snow and rain hitting their tires, blinkers and this fucking cold wind. My eyes flutter open, they're heavy... swollen. Lights - white, yellow, red, wet, and blurry; I blink till I start to focus. The kaleidoscope fades and one by one it becomes clear. I'm sitting at a bus stop. That's over three miles from the restaurant, the memory makes my body shudder. Don't think about it. It's over, you know it. Accept it. You fucked it up, you deserve this pain.

These past days of clarity didn't bring me where I thought, but they did bring me to my answer. I dug through my purse until I found her card. Subconsciously I wonder if I knew I'd call her eventually. When I put in my purse I told myself it was just not to be rude and that I had no intention of calling. Who was I kidding? My hands were trembling too much to dial. I briskly rubbed them together, cupped them around my mouth, blew and rubbed again. After a couple minutes I tried again, she picked up after the first ring.

"Hello." Stunned, I hesitated. "Hello?" This time her voice was louder and showed a tinge of frustration.

My voice squeaked, "Miss Veronica, this is..." I took a deep breath, trying to regain some composure. "This is Kara, we met at the club a couple weeks ago, you gave me your card," my voice only marginally calmer.

"Mistress Kelly's slave?" It sounded more like a statement than a question but I answered anyways.

"Yes miss." She didn't say anything. Okay, what now. I waited a couple moments, just breathing on the other end. Okay, I guess it's still my turn. "I'm calling because I would like..."

She cut me off, her tone even and cold, "I don't care what you want. If you're calling me, you do what I want. No questions."

"Yes miss."

"Come tomorrow night to the club and we'll see if you meet my needs," she said, voice still hard as steel.

I couldn't hide the tears in my voice. Don't ask why I chose this moment to cry. "Yes miss."

Her voice softened slightly. "Are you in trouble? Where are you?"

"I walked... walked far... I'm cold... scared." Pretense gone, I sobbed into the phone.

"Tell me where you are and I'll come and get you." Her silky smooth voice washed over me.

"I'm on a bench at a bus stop." I looked up at the sign. "Route 50." I looked around. "I'm at Damen and Washington."

"Stay put. I'm on my way." Before I could respond she hung up. I would be safe soon, my eyes closed while I waited.

***

All I remember of the car ride over was how warm it was and the calmness of Veronica's voice. Don't ask me where we were or how far we'd driven. I really don't care. The walk from the driveway to the front door was labored, exhaustion having taken hold. Her hand steadied my elbow as we climbed the few steps to the porch; she unlocked the door and led me inside. "Take my coat and hang it up." I did as she asked, my arms barely able to lift shoulder height. She shrugged it off, aware of how difficult my every movement was. Turning to my left I found the entry way coat rack and hung it on the only empty hook.

I could feel her eyes traveling up and down my body, assessing. Keeping mine to the ground, I waited for instruction. Her tone still warm, she said, "You will not wear clothes while you are in the house. Place them neatly on the bench and then join me in the kitchen."

"Yes, miss." I hated that my voice was shaky but I was nervous and excited. She didn't call attention to it and walked away. Undressing in a stranger's house, in the middle of the night, would be weird to most. Okay fine, it is - but it was a means to a very needed and desired end. My muscles protested as I removed my clothes, even screamed at me when I folded them. After placing the pile on the bench, as instructed, I followed the clanking noise to the kitchen. The light was bright, fluorescent. Squinting as I got closer, I made out a well-equipped, modern kitchen.

"On the bar is a glass of water and something to help you sleep." Before I could get my mouth open, Veronica sensed my hesitation and snapped, "Take it!" I did and stood their patiently as she continued whatever she was up to in the kitchen. My level of current brain function didn't allow for comprehension of exactly what it was, but I could tell she wasn't to be bothered. Keeping my eyes adverted to the floor, I waited. It was light but rich bamboo, beautiful and warm. Yes it was warm, as in style, but it was also actually warm, as in heated. It felt divine on my cold feet.

My eyes must have closed because my head falling forward and quickly jerking awake, startled me. I didn't hear her approach but her voice was thick in my ear. "Tonight I will let you sleep on the couch, but starting tomorrow you will sleep on the floor unless otherwise instructed." She walked away, taking her warmth with her. Making my way to the couch, I collapsed and pulled the blanket over me that hung over the back. Sleep took me fast and deep.

When I woke, the level of sunlight that filled the room said it was early afternoon. Swinging my feet over the edge of the couch, I rubbed my eyes. There was another glass of water and pill on the table. Don't ask me if it was the same one from last night. Honestly, I hadn't really paid attention but it did help me sleep. Well, in fact. I didn't need to sleep again though. Having been someone who rarely takes a Tylenol, pretty much any drug has an intense effect on me. I needed to find out what this was before I took it, but it was so important to not blow it that I made the decision to just take it.

The water was chilled and soothed my raw throat; the pill slid down easily. I stretched, suddenly acutely aware of my nakedness. Feeling the heat in my chest, I knew my whole body was blushing. Before I could let the panic set in, I heard her approaching. Soft footsteps drawing near. I didn't dare look but felt the weight of her sit next to me. Her aura was strong and felt angry. I tensed. This woman has so many tones, this one withdrawn and clinical.

"Why did you call me?"

Without hesitation, "I need to be punished. I'm a bad person, worthless."

She laughed lightly. "You better be sure. I enjoy punishing and I don't do anything half way. If you stay, you will be committed to this process. You must be in my service until I say you can leave. Stay and I will show you just how worthless you are." Her mood was airy, confident. Her words should have scared me or at least given me pause, but on the contrary they thrilled me. I've been here before, this dark place, and I hadn't been ready. I hadn't deserved to be punished, but now, now I do. I was ready and willing. My silence was my assent.

** November 3rd **

Kara

The last couple of days were a blur and monotonous. My miss was establishing a routine, making clear her expectations. They were simple. I was to refer to her as 'Mistress', not speak unless given permission, only crawling would be permitted, sit on her left with my head down, sleep on the floor and eat only out of the bowl by her desk. Oh, and most importantly, take my pills. They were usually little green ones, an 'OC' on one side and '80' on the other. I had not a clue what they were but I know they made me feel good, numb. She hadn't touched me, other than stroking my hair or patting my head. In fact, no more than a dozen words have been spoken. The quiet does something to you.

At 39, the floor was a challenge; most definitely a form of punishment in itself. If it weren't for the steady stream of pain meds in my system, I wouldn't be able to walk in the morning. As it was, my sleep was light and tormented; waking stiff and groggy. The nightmares were back and not just at night. I would slip into dream states throughout the day, sometimes unable to tell if it was real or not. The most torturous part was they would often start wonderfully. I would find myself relaxing and then it would somehow come crashing down around me, leaving me shaking, heart racing and a loneliness so deep my stomach would lurch.

***

The wind's howl is vibrating the window. Sheets of rain take turns beating against the glass. The room is pitch black but I can feel you next to me. Lightning flashes and illuminates your body, so beautiful. My fingertips play at the small of your back; you have so many soft places I love to caress. Another strike and I see your browns smiling at me for just an instant; the room goes black again followed by a loud clap of thunder. Our bodies move together, embracing. We've always been a perfect fit. My eyes close, holding you tight while I soak you in. I've missed you, baby.

We slip our legs between each other's, both of us slick with arousal. Our moans are in unison as another clap of thunder strikes. Hands wander, squeezing here, rubbing there. Lips and tongues hungry against our necks, our bodies rock with the rhythm of the storm. "Please don't let go," I say in a gasp between kisses on your shoulder, up your neck and back again. Our fingers dig in any and everywhere as our hips become relentless, desperate to bring release. Screaming out, I say, "YES! Yes Lissy! Don't stop," as my stomach clenches, on the edge of ecstasy. I feel it building, the rain clamoring against the glass, just as I am to get closer to you. Your back arches. 'Cum with me, baby, please!" I need it so badly.

Pulling back just enough to see your face, I freeze. What?! Alexis? NO! She laughs as the surge of adrenaline forces me awake. Where am I? My eyes blink repeatedly, trying to adjust. I slump and curl up on the thin blanket that's laid on the floor. I'm with my Mistress. Another dream turned into a nightmare, I'm afraid to go back to sleep. I hug my body and wait for morning.

***

I don't know what it is about today, but somehow I know it's different. It may be because my Mistress didn't wake me like usual or that I can smell her making breakfast. For the past week or so, it's difficult to know, I've eaten some form of rice and chicken. Bland and usually cold. I don't get to eat until after she's finished and I've cleaned up the kitchen. In the scheme of things, I can't say it really bothers me but the aroma coming from the kitchen has my stomach growling. Crawling to the bathroom, I take care of my hygiene needs and swallow the pill left on the counter. I haven't been in this position before, where she's left the room without giving me instruction. Hoping to earn some of whatever deliciousness she's cooking, I decide to clean up my bedding and wait, kneeling by the door.