All Comments on 'Bounded By Souls Ch. 01'

This is a good premise with lots of action, but I found it too confusing to read all the way through. The pacing and grammar need work. You can get an editor on Literotica to help you out.

6cf6, very well imagineered premise but, that infamous butt! This first chapter is like you had taken an entire novel and condensed it down to what? About thirty pages or less on your word processor?

Without any chance of developing scenes into storyarcs combining into a coherent storyline. Perhaps you are visualizing this as comic book or graphic novel? Because, to me, this reads like a storyboard.

You might want to consider shopping this story around to graphic artists looking for inspirational scripts.

To advance this story, you need to give your characters more depth, with a backstory for each major and minor character. To fill in all the plot holes that litter this work.

Now as too all the spelling errors. This is the curse of the pretty, pretty, shiny technology we all play with.

Never, ever trust a machine to act in your best interest. Your computer is not your friend. It is simply a tool and it will fail you every time you carelessly surrender control.

Spellcheck and other functions that automatically replace words were coded by programmers who are certifiably illiterate.

All these apps are homophone-phobic. They will embarrass you the author at every opportunity of their evil, metallic machine hearts.

Then again Literotica is the perfect site to experiment with writing and to develop your skills. After all you did not charge anyone for the privilege of reading your masterpiece-in-parturition. Always a noisy, smelly, bloody, grossly painful process.

Quite a number of authors to this site, will return to their first stories. To make corrections and expound upon the storylines. The site admins can help you with this process but remember they are limited by being programmers-in-training.

You may wish to take advantage of the site editors assistance. You might want to go over to the Author's Board and ask for their opinions.

Has it right. Nice premise, mildly overly condensed but interesting.

I do hate that bra's aren't standardized. Or well documented/ researched. But that's just a personal quirk of mine. All the stories in my head don't use those measurements, its just not that important.

Too many errors. 1*

Though I agree with the previous commenters, I don't see a reason to stop writing. Your skills will improve in time and some editing help from someone more experienced will help with both the grammar and the development of your story. A story that I happen to like and would love to see continued. so don't quit and give us more!

Paul