Bree's Journey Pt. 02

"Someone look like an old boyfriend of yours?"

"Something like that, yeah." I was desperate to change the subject before she asked more questions. "How about you? Are you seeing anyone?"

Jules shrugged. "No one special."

She glanced around the room and received a couple of waves. I noticed there seemed to be more than a wave exchanged in some of those heated stares. I cocked a questioning eyebrow.

Jules grinned at me. "I hook up, sometimes. You know, just for fun."

One of the guys who'd stared a little too long at her to be just a casual acquaintance was holding the hand of another guy. I had to ask. "With gay couples?"

Jules nodded, not the least bit embarrassed. "Yeah, sometimes. You know, it's fun to try new things. Some of these guys have never been with a girl, and they want to see what it's like, what they're missing, but they're too afraid, or shy, or whatever...to take that first step with a girl. They already know me, and they know I'm not going to take them too seriously, or worse, laugh at them when they have no clue what to do, and so...you know..."

"You help them out?"

"Kind of. It doesn't feel that way, though. It can be really hot sometimes. And I never act like I'm doing some kind of charity. I mean, that would just be so...I don't know...wrong."

"Have you ever dated a guy who was bi?"

"Yeah. Lots of times." She scrunched her nose at me as if I'd just asked the most idiotic question in the world. "I mean, it'd be hard not to."

I thought back on the long list of guys I'd dated in my time and wondered how many of them were closet bi-sexuals. I'd only known about my boyfriend in high school. And that was only after he'd gotten caught, not while we were dating. Were there others that I didn't know about? Was this a common thing?

"I guess I'm around these guys so much, I don't even think about it. I mean, whether or not they're gay, or whatever. I just sort of try and see each situation for what it is. Whether that's a one-night deal, or something more. It doesn't really matter who they've slept with before me."

"Don't you worry about STDs?"

"Well, yeah, sure. But that's with everyone. I take precautions every time. Doesn't matter if they've been with guys or girls, or whether it's been one, or a hundred lovers. You can't take chances with that shit. I'll tell you this, that's something you don't have to even bring up with a bi or gay guy. It's only the hetero men that you get into arguments with about wearing condoms."

Miles briefly crossed my mind. He'd not wanted to wear one at all.

"It's amazing how many guys just don't get it."

I nodded. "Girls, too. A girl I work with just found out she has chlamydia. She has no idea where she got it."

"That shit is everywhere. Along with HPV."

I shuddered visibly. "How did we get on this subject?"

Jules laughed and shook her head. "I don't know."

I knew I was probably pushing my luck with my next question. "Do you know Kieran?"

Jules glanced over her shoulder at him. "Yeah, sure. I know him. Why?"

I shrugged. I hadn't thought of what to say next. I was kind of hoping that Jules would just start blathering on about him like she had about everything else so far. The girl was chatty. "I just met him a couple of nights ago."

"At Ray's party. Yeah, I remember. I saw you two talking. I was with a different group of friends and didn't get a chance to come over and say 'hi'."

"Oh. Yeah. He seems like a nice guy."

"He is. I mean, I don't know him all that well, but he's always been nice to me. I know he's gotten burned a few times by girls. One of them screamed at him right out in front, there."

"You were here when it happened?"

"Yeah. It was a Friday night. Everyone was here."

"Gawd, how embarrassing for him."

Jules shrugged. "She was drunk and being stupid. Most people just blew her off. Your brother was pretty hot, though, especially when the cops showed up."

"He said he almost got kicked out by his landlord."

"She was pretty obnoxious. We try to keep the party inside now, and no music. We used to play loud music, but Daniel thought that'd be pushing it."

"How did Kieran handle it?"

"I think he was hurt. I mean, he didn't show it, but he never brought anyone else here after that. Not even Ashley."

"Who is Ashley?"

"She was this girl he dated for awhile. She went to my high school, but I didn't know her very well. She was, you know, one of the 'in' girls. Homecoming queen, and all that. Anyway, Kieran sort of disappeared from our group for the month or so that he was dating Ashley."

"Why?"

"I don't know. I guess he didn't want the same thing to happen with her. But, it sort of did, anyway. I mean, she didn't make a big scene or anything, but she broke up with him over his lifestyle choices. It was kinda sad 'cause I think he really, really liked her. He hasn't dated since, that I'm aware of."

I studied Kieran across the room. He'd moved on from the gay men and was now talking with a guy/girl couple. I felt bad for what he'd gone through. I knew how it felt to be humiliated and dumped in front of a crowd of people. It was horrifying.

I hated the reasons those girls had for leaving him, yet, I was beginning to wonder if I would be able to handle his past any better than they had. I was having such mixed emotions about it. On the one hand, seeing him at that club with other men had been one of the hottest things I'd ever witnessed. On the other hand, the thought of him having an affair with a man behind my back was terrifying. It dredged up a whole myriad of bad feelings in me that I hadn't felt in years. Degradation, insecurity, rejection, depression.

I'd worked so hard to suppress those feelings. To forget that time. I'd been so careful not to fall back into the black hole that I'd barely managed to claw my way out of the first time. Why now?

I realized that Kieran was looking at me with an amused expression on his face. I'd dazed off while staring at him. I smiled briefly and then turned my attention back to Jules, who was being summoned by a gay couple.

"I think someone wants you to join them."

Jules turned so they couldn't see her face and then rolled her eyes. "A three-peat."

"A what?"

"I think they want a repeat of our threesome last weekend."

"No way." I furtively glanced in their direction. "Both of them?"

Jules nodded.

"Shit. That's hot."

She nodded again. "Yep. It was, too. Hottest sex of my life."

"You going to do it again?"

Jules glanced over her shoulder and I followed her gaze, catching a glimpse of Kieran approaching in the process. "If they ask me, yeah."

I wanted to ask her more about it. I knew she'd tell me every gory detail, but Kieran was only about two steps from joining us.

"Hey, Jules."

Jules glanced up at Kieran. "Hey."

"What are you two talking about so intently in here?"

I blushed as Jules answered. "Nothing. You know, girl talk. I was just headed over there. Good to meet you, Bree. Hope we see you around more. See ya, Kieran."

Kieran and I waved to her as she made her way to the grouping of guys. Kieran reached into the refrigerator to fetch another beer and I tried to hide my disappointment. I'd thought he'd come over to talk to me, but he just needed another beer. I began searching for Daniel or Bryan. I needed someone to talk to.

Kieran's hand closed on my arm. "Where are you going? I just got here."

"Oh. I thought you were just ... never mind. I'm not going anywhere."

"I would've made my way here sooner if you hadn't been so engrossed in conversation with Jules."

"Oh, I ... She was just ..."

"It's okay. You don't have to explain. Girl talk. I get it."

I nodded and then fidgeted with the label on the bottle of beer in my hands. All of a sudden, I felt very nervous around Kieran. The first few times we'd talked, I felt so comfortable around him. Now, I was a wreck.

His eyes were glued to my fidgeting fingers, which made my nervousness that much worse. Kieran closed his big hand around my fingers to steady my hand. "Hey. It's just me."

His other arm swung around my shoulders to pull me in for a hug and I released a shaky sigh. He continued to hold me against him, and after a few minutes, I felt my shoulders relax.

"I think we need to spend some time talking about us. You know, what we want to happen."

"What do you want?"

Kieran glanced quickly around the room before looking me in the eye. "I want to give it a shot. See where things go."

"Just until I go back home?"

Kieran shook his head. "Longer than that. As long as you can stand me."

I chuckled. "Or the other way around."

"Well, I'm pretty sure that's a very long time."

I reached around his back and rested my hand on his hip, curling my thumb in one of his belt loops. "I'm no homecoming queen, you know."

Kieran glanced over at Jules and then back to me. "That girl can talk, can't she?"

I nodded. "She didn't say anything bad. Just told me what I already knew."

"It sort of sucks being in a tight community like this. Everyone sees all your dirty laundry."

"It was the same in high school, so I know how you must've felt to have everyone witness your humiliation."

"It sucks. Afterward...the way people look at you. I couldn't stand all that pity."

"I know. My friends meant well, but, shit. It's hard to move on when everyone keeps bringing it up."

Kieran shook my shoulders. "I'm sorry you went through that, by the way. It must've been awful to be that young and have to suffer through all that public embarrassment."

"It's over. Honestly, I haven't thought about it in years. Never told my college friends, or anyone at work. I have no idea why it's suddenly come up now."

"Because you have feelings for me?"

I opened my mouth to protest, but I couldn't. Kieran was right. My feelings for him were probably to blame.

"It's okay to admit it. I feel the same about you. It's weird, I know. We've only known each other a couple of days and yet, I feel like it's been so much longer than that."

I nodded. "I feel the same way. And I do have feelings for you. I'm not ashamed to admit it. I just never made the connection to all the other shit. I couldn't figure out why I was all of a sudden remembering all these feelings I had with Lance. I thought I was past all that."

"Do we ever get past all of it?"

"God, I hope so. If not, what's the point?"

"Are you going to be able to handle my job?"

I was startled by his question. I hadn't expected it to come up so quickly. It wasn't his job I had an issue with.

"Just be honest. I can always quit."

"Don't do that. It's good money."

Kieran shrugged.

"Why would you even consider leaving that job?"

"It's only money, Bree. If it makes you feel uncomfortable..."

"It doesn't. Your job is fine. Don't quit." I held my tongue from blurting out what I was thinking: It's your affair that's bothering me.

It was too early to start discussing exclusivity. Besides, I hadn't really settled things with Miles, yet, either. Although, there was no doubt that I was going to do that very thing.

I smiled reassuringly up at Kieran. There was no reason for him to worry. "I was hoping to come see you again on Tuesday. Watch you shake that ass of yours on stage in front of dozens of horny men."

I noticed his cheeks flush as he grinned sheepishly. "You were, huh? I guess that'd be alright."

"Will you give me a lap dance?"

"Fuck, yeah. If you pay me."

"I have to pay you? Can I at least get a friend discount?"

"Mmmmm, I don't know. Maybe."

I frowned up at him with my best menacing look.

Kieran laughed. "God, you're cute. We're going to have so much fun together."

And that was the thing that was so different this time. We weren't focused on sex, or romance. It was about companionship. Being with someone that you could talk to and laugh with.

I squeezed his side in a hug. I was in total agreement with his assessment. I also felt my tension melting faster than ice cream at the state fair. This was Kieran. My friend. The one person that I'd felt comfortable enough to share some of my darkest memories with. I'd listened while he bared his soul about his past relationships, his fears, his longing. And I'd had the fortune to see him almost naked. How many times could I say that about a man before I'd slept with him?

"You have me at a disadvantage, you know."

"How so?"

"I've seen you practically naked."

"I fail to see how that puts you at a disadvantage, but if you want to even the score, I'm all for that. Shit. I'd be happy to clear this table for you if you need a stage."

He started to pull away and I tugged at his arm. "No, no. I don't think so. I'm not nearly as confident as you are when it comes to my body."

"Well, you should be. You have a gorgeous body."

"In clothes, maybe."

"Baby, I've seen you in nothing but a tee shirt, and little blue, cotton bikini briefs."

My jaw dropped in shock.

Kieran nodded, "And you flashed me your tits. So, I got a glimpse of those, too."

"Kieran!" I slapped his arm. "You should've looked away."

"Are you kidding me? Look away? Fuck, Bree. I'm a mortal man, not some demigod."

I covered my eyes with my hand. I could feel my cheeks heating up. "I'm so embarrassed."

"Why?"

Kieran gently pulled the beer from my hand and set it on the table. He wrapped his arms around me in a full hug. A moment later, he leaned down to talk low in my ear.

"I liked what I saw. I know you noticed how much I liked it just before you went to shower."

I remembered noticing the bulge in his jeans. "I did that?"

"Fuck, yeah. Who else was there?"

He kissed the sensitive part of my neck, and I released an urgent moan. I was pretty sure he wouldn't go any further with my brother in the room, but I sure as hell was wishing that he would.

"I really wish we were alone right now."

I pulled myself tighter against him. "Oh, yeah? What would you do?"

Kieran growled and nipped my earlobe. "What wouldn't I do, is a better question."

"Okay, you two."

Bryan's voice interrupted our intimate conversation and we immediately released each other from our grasps.

"You're heating up the entire room, I swear."

Kieran searched the crowd for anyone who might be staring.

"I'm just kidding. He hasn't noticed. But he will if you keep it up." Bryan leaned over to fetch two beers from the fridge.

"Who? Daniel?"

I could feel the anger beginning to boil up inside me. Daniel's annoying overprotectiveness had to stop. He had no right to interfere in my personal life.

"Settle down, sweetie."

"He has no right, Bryan. You know that."

"I know, I know. He seems to think he does, though." Bryan glanced at Kieran and then back to me. "I'll handle Danny. Don't let him stop you from doing whatever you want. We'll be out of your hair before noon tomorrow, anyway. We've decided to go to that party in San Marcos. The weather is supposed to be fantastic."

Bryan kissed my cheek and smiled at Kieran.

"I've got to get this beer to Danny. We're all adults here. No one is going to make a scene, I promise you."

I wondered if he said that to me, or to Kieran. Either way, the underlying message was that Daniel was opposed to us being together but would hold his tongue as long as guests were here.

Fuck that shit.

***

Kieran

I could actually see Bree bristling over Daniel's disapproval. It must seem odd to her that he would reject our getting together. I doubt he'd had the same reaction to any of her previous lovers.

I understood his behavior, though. He was acting selfishly. I think somewhere in his mind, he was hoping things with he and I would continue on past graduation. It wouldn't have. Even without Bree. But I knew I was going to have a hard time convincing him that the only thing that this changed was the timeline. I was moving up our date of separation by a couple of months. It was a conversation I was dreading.

"Hey." I lifted her chin to look at me rather than glaring across the room at Daniel. "Forget about him. It doesn't matter what he thinks."

"I don't get it. He's never acted like this before. Now, the first time I date one of his friends, he acts like ... I don't know ... like I'm in over my head or something. Like I'm not good enough for you."

"Bree, I'm sure that's not what he's thinking."

It killed me to hear her say that. For her to think that his behavior had anything at all to do with her. I wanted to tell her the truth. Be open with her and set the record straight, but I couldn't make my mouth form the words. It wasn't something one just blurted out at a party. Hey, I've been sleeping with your brother for the past couple of years. I hope you don't mind.

I cringed at what her reaction would be to that. I'd been cycling through ways to word it, but nothing sounded right. In each case, the end result would be the same: Bree booting me out of her life for good.

I absolutely knew that I had to tell her. Just like I knew that I had to end it with Daniel. But I wasn't sprinting toward doing either.

The mood between us had changed and I didn't like it one bit. The only good thing that I can say about it was that it put us on the same side of a battle with her brother. Because I was going to date Bree. There was nothing Daniel could do or say to change that. His sister had managed to melt my suspicious heart, something that I never thought would happen again for me. For the first time in ages, I actually felt good about myself and my future. And all because this funny, exciting, hot girl accepted me for who I was.

I grabbed beers for both of us and we proceeded to practically chug them down. I'd lost count of how many I'd had, and I could tell by Bree's sway that she'd had too many. If I'd thought the situation through a little better, I'd have stopped drinking so I could drive us to my place. But that wasn't going to happen. I wasn't driving anywhere.

And I'm not sleeping on the couch.

Bree and I stayed in the kitchen for the next couple of hours flitting from one subject to the next. Mostly testing if our views on politics and religion were in line, two topics that all Texans love to discuss. But we also talked a lot about art, and the book that Bree was currently reading.

We never got back to sex, which was somewhat disappointing, though I honestly was so engrossed in our conversation that I didn't miss it. I wanted to understand Bree on a whole different level. My dick could wait this time.

The crowd thinned significantly. Daniel and Bryan were sitting at one end of the sofa, with about six other people gathered around. When our conversation lulled, we decided to join them.

I watched Daniel pretty carefully. Well, as much as I could, given that I was on the drunk side. Part of me was hoping he'd say something, make some derogatory remark about the way I was holding Bree against me, because I was ready to fight.

I think Bree knew that was the case. She got very antsy in my arms. Finally she pushed away from me. Without a word, she walked to the bathroom and shut the door.

When ten minutes had passed without her return, I excused myself to check on her.

I heard the retching when I was a couple of steps from the bathroom door. I didn't hesitate or knock. It didn't even cross my mind to do either of those things.

She was folded around the toilet bowl with her cheek resting on the edge of the seat, her hair stuck to her sweaty forehead and cheeks. She was a mess.

"Baby..."

I didn't know what else to say. I'd been there before. I didn't realize she'd drank that much. Glancing in the toilet bowl, which she'd not bothered to flush, I noticed only liquids. She hadn't eaten much for dinner, apparently.