Brenda & Ian Ch. 01

"That's okay," he said, hugging her back. "You know I'll always be here for you."

They made their way back upstairs. When they reached the landing, Brenda said, "I never asked you about your phone call to your mom. How did it go? What did she say?"

"Well," Ian said as they neared the kitchen, "dad can't make it. He's got too much going on in Helsinki. And mom, well...she..." Ian looked down, ashamed.

"She doesn't want to come," Brenda said, finishing the sentence for him.

"Yeah," Ian said, still avoiding Brenda's face. "I'm sorry."

"Me too," she said, a bit angrily. "I guess I thought she might come."

"I think maybe she really wants to, but she just won't give in, even now. I tried to talk to her, but she wouldn't listen. I'm sorry," he said again.

"Don't apologize," she said sharply, a bit stronger than she intended. Gentler, she said, "It's not your fault." Changing the subject, she asked him, "Do you have any plans?"

Ian thought for a minute. He knew that he wanted to get a new suit for the funeral knowing that he had outgrown the suits in his closet. "Not much. Why?"

"I mean, if you have something to do, go ahead. I don't mind."

"It's nothing that I can't do later. What's up?"

"Could you help me with the housework? It should only take about an hour and it would mean a lot to me. All you have to do is vacuum." She raised her eyes in expectation.

"Yeah, sure, I can vacuum for you. Show me where it is and I'll get started."

"Great, thanks, I'll get it for you," she said as she left the kitchen. When she returned, they started to clean. Like Brenda said, it only took about an hour and when they finished, it looked pretty good. She would save the upstairs for later since it didn't need much cleaning. Ian invited her to go along with him to his father's tailor to buy a suit and she accepted, wanting an excuse to get out of the house.

The ride back from the tailor's was quiet. Brenda's thoughts were drifting back to her family and happier times. She remembered holidays and birthdays, vacations and other surprises. She remembered how Ryan and her parents watched her play volleyball in high school and cheered her on through good games and bad. There were times when she was young and Ryan would play games with her for hours, even though it probably bored him to tears and he had other things to do. That was the Ryan she always wanted to remember, not the paranoid heroin addict that he would become. Brenda was thankful that she would never have to think of her parents in two different ways. She knew that she could not have had any better parents and felt lucky and blessed that she had them for the time that she did, even though it was much too short. She felt cheated and angry that they were taken away so quickly, so quickly that her dad was already dead before she could see him and only machines kept her mom alive long enough for her to say good-bye.

Brenda hated to dwell on things like that. She knew that it wouldn't bring back her parents any more that it had brought back Ryan. It had only screwed her up worse than she already was. Blaming herself for Ryan's death was the perfect excuse for pushing the world away. Ryan had been good at making his problems everyone else's, too. Ian had seen through it and Brenda had hated it when he brought it to her attention, although deep down, she knew he was right. Ryan had manipulated her sympathies to the very end, to the point where Brenda almost thought that she was the one who stuck the needle in his arm.

Her parents death was different and she knew it. There was nothing she could have done to prevent it, but it didn't make the pain any easier to bear. This time, the pain was doubled and she didn't know how long she would be able to keep it all together.

Ian glanced at his cousin from time to time, a worried look crossing his face. It wasn't like her to be this quiet. He knew that she was going through her own personal hell, but he wished she would talk, say something, anything. He was no good at idle chit-chat and wouldn't pretend to be. The only available subject would be funereal in nature and he certainly didn't want to go in that direction. He had never gone through a death in his family, so he wasn't sure what to say or do. He couldn't imagine the pain and suffering that she was feeling, but he was doing the best he could.

Occasionally, Brenda would brush away tears from her eyes with the back of her hand and go back to staring out the car window. Her mind was focused on the funeral and what her future would be. She figured that her parents had some money set aside, but she had no idea how much. The first thing to do would be to sell the house, she assumed. It was something that she didn't want to do, it held so many memories for her. She didn't think that she could bear to part with it. Brenda didn't even know if it was still mortgaged, although she figured that the insurance would probably cover it. Her parents never discussed their finances with her and it puzzled her since it would be her chosen profession. She was thankful that she had two weeks left before she headed back to her final semester before graduation. It would give her time to get things organized and to get the estate in order. Her financial mind was active now, thinking about the house and other things. She was grateful that Roger would be lending his guidance to her and helping her get through all of the legal matters.

The only matter left was Ian. She didn't know what she was going to do once he went back to his house. Her house was going to be too big and quiet once he left. She certainly wanted him to stay after the funeral, but for how long? Certainly, his parents would object to his staying longer. For all she knew, they might be objecting to his being there now. She admitted to herself that she was scared of being alone, scared of being without family around her. Ian had filled that void so perfectly over the past few days and she wished that it could continue, but knew it wouldn't. Too many people would have a fit over it. Two cousins sharing a house together just isn't right, they'd say. Too many things could happen. Like what? Sleeping together? We've already done that, she laughed to herself. My God, they both knew that they could never get romantically involved, that was a given, even though she would date him in a second if they weren't related. They were almost perfectly matched and they knew each other inside and out, so the actual dating part wouldn't be necessary. Go straight to marriage, she smiled to herself. Besides that, she knew that they were attracted to each other. But, they could never cross that line and she would have to let him go eventually. She wouldn't like it and she suspected that Ian wouldn't, either.

They were home by late afternoon and had an early supper of soup and grilled cheese sandwiches. After supper, Brenda answered messages from the answering machine and made other calls to relatives and friends. Ian busied himself with the computer in his room. After an hour or so of surfing the net, he wandered back downstairs. Brenda was sitting in a chair in the living room with a notepad in hand.

"What's up?" he asked as he sat down opposite of her on the sofa.

"Nothing much," she sighed, "just trying to get a list of pall bearers together so it'll be set for Wednesday."

"Can it wait?"

"No, I want to do it now and get it out of the way."

"Okay," he said. He didn't know why she wanted it done at that time, but he didn't argue. "You know I'll be one," he added.

"I know," she replied, still writing on the pad, "but I don't want you away from me for a second that day. I've got other cousins and friends in mind. I think I'll ask some of dad's friends at the firm. That should do it."

She dropped the pad and pen on the table in front of her and leaned back in the chair, hands folded behind her head. "Ian?" she asked.

"Yeah," he said, looking up from a magazine that he had begun reading.

"I'm going to need you more than anything in the next few days."

"I know," he replied. "You know I'll be here for you."

"I know. I want to ask a favor of you."

"Sure, anything, you know that."

"Will you stay at least through the weekend?"

Ian pondered for a few moments. He really wanted to and he knew that Brenda would need him. He still wasn't sure if it was the right thing to do. He figured that the buzz about him being there wasn't going to die down anytime soon and he didn't want her family giving her a hard time about it. Still, if she was asking him to stay, she had already thought it through and had made up her mind about the matter. His parents wouldn't be pleased should they find out, but it wouldn't be the first time that they were angry with him.

He answered, "Well, I need to get some more clothes from home."

Brenda smiled, "Thank you, Ian."

"Only for you, cuz."

Monday March 15

His alarm went off at 8:00 o'clock and he shut it off quickly. Ian hoped that Brenda had had a peaceful sleep and he had kept his door open just in case, but everything was quiet.

After he cleaned up and changed clothes, he took his dirty clothes to the basement to be cleaned. The dryer was already running so he knew that Brenda was up. His clothes were all dark, expect for his underwear, which were white, and threw them into the washer. He put the underwear aside and started the machine after putting the soap in.

Hearing footsteps above him, Ian knew that Brenda was walking around. Presently, the basement door opened and Brenda bounded down. Seeing Ian, she said, "What are you doing?"

"Laundry."

"I would have done that for you."

"I know, but it's not much."

Brenda moved past him and checked the settings of the machine. They met her approval. She said, "Maybe there's hope for you, yet."

"Where'd that come from?"

"Nowhere. Come on up and I'll make you some breakfast." Brenda turned and bounded back up the stairs two at a time with Ian following at a slower pace.

After a breakfast of bacon, eggs, toast, and juice, Ian helped Brenda load the dish washer. When they left the kitchen, Ian asked Brenda her plans for the day.

"I have to get the clothes to the funeral home and I've got a meeting with Father Paul at noon to go over the Mass for mom and dad. And you?"

"Just bringing some clothes over and picking up the suit. Want some company?"

"Of course I do. There's no way I want to do this alone. Why do you think I was asking you?"

Ian shrugged and went to the living room while Brenda went upstairs to her room to change. After a half hour went by, Ian began to wonder why it was taking so long. She was just changing clothes, he thought. Curiosity got the best of him, so he went upstairs to find her. Her door was open, but she wasn't there. The bathroom was empty, too. He went to the end of the hall and looked in the room on the left. He saw Brenda sitting on the bed surrounded by clothes. Tears were streaming down her face as she smoothed the cloth of a pale blue dress.

Ian walked in quietly, not wanting to disturb her. She heard him, anyway, and turned his way. Not bothering to wipe the tears, she whispered, "Please leave. I need to do this alone." Ian nodded and backed away. "I'll be down in a little bit," she said as he left.

"Take your time," Ian said. He went to the basement where he emptied the clothes in the dryer to a clean basket and threw his newly washed clothes into the already warm dryer. The clothes in the basket were mostly bras, underwear, and nightgowns. Ian noticed immediately, but decided not to let his imagination go wild. He took the basket upstairs and put it near the staircase in the living room.

Brenda came down about fifteen minutes later with the clothes. Ian took the two hangers covered in plastic from her and she put a sack on the floor that contained smaller essentials.

"I didn't know what else to bring. I hope this is enough," she said, sighing.

"I'm sure it'll be fine," Ian replied.

Since it was a bit chilly, they put on light jackets and headed for the funeral home. Once there, they went over last minute details with Brenda. The clothes that Brenda brought were enough and they were taken to another room. They decided that there were to be two visitation periods, the first from two to four, and the second from six until nine in the evening. Other details were discussed and taken care of. As they walked to the door, the representative told Brenda that she could come any time after noon to visit her parents.

"Thank you, but we'll be here around one o'clock," she replied.

"As you wish," he said as he opened the door for her.

They arrived at St. Augustine's parish office promptly at noon. Father Paul greeted them at the door and introductions were made. He led them to his office where chairs were ready across from his desk. He showed them to their seats and they sat down.

"Coffee?" he asked them, but they both declined. He poured a cup for himself.

He showed Brenda the readings that he had picked and the music that the music director had chosen. She was pleased with all of the selections and gave them back to him. He asked Brenda to describe her parents to him since he didn't know them very well. She gave him a brief, but thorough description of them, plus amusing anecdotes and other personal stories. She told him of the difficult times with Ryan and how they never wavered in their support of him, the fun vacations to Michigan, and their support for her career choice even though they preferred that she study law.

When she finished, he asked, "What about you? What are your plans?"

"I'm going to finish school. I've got so little to do to graduate, they'd be really upset if I didn't finish now. I'm doing it for them as much for me. I'm just going to keep my mind busy for the next few months and see what happens."

"When does school start for you?"

"Two weeks."

"I see," he said as he leaned back in his chair. "I think it's wise that you're continuing you education and not putting it off, but allow yourself time to heal, time to mourn. Don't hold it in and don't keep it to yourself. That's the best advise that I can give you. I'm here for any counseling that you may want or need." He stood up and Brenda took that as a dismissal. She and Ian followed Father Paul back to the front door.

They stopped at Ian's for about an hour as he packed more clothes, checked messages, and looked at the mail. Meanwhile, Brenda found a frozen pizza and put it in the oven. While eating, Brenda appeared to be more relaxed than during the early part of the morning. They picked up his suit in the afternoon and it was ready. Ian tried it on before they left the store and he was satisfied with the fit, as was Brenda, who nodded approvingly.

They headed back to her house where Ian took his suit and clothes upstairs, while Brenda checked phone messages and her own mail. There was mostly bills and advertisements and Brenda put the bills aside to be taken over to Roger's office where he would pay them from the estate. She knew that the bill paying would eventually fall to her and she wondered where the money would come from. She had hoped to stay in school and get her MBA, but she would have to find work soon. Brenda figured that she would receive some money from her parents life insurance policies and their assets, but she hadn't a clue as to how much. She really hoped to keep the house, but she was sure that it's sale was inevitible and the thought of selling saddened her deeply. Brenda felt a bit guilty going through things that were addressed to her mom and dad, as if she were invading their privacy. Quite a few of them were credit card bills and Brenda was surprised at the balances. Almost all of them were $200 or less. She was grateful that they took such good care of their credit. Of course, she didn't know if there were any others, but she felt secure in the knowledge of what she had discovered. The other bills included power and light, cable, telephone, and water. She arranged the bills in neat stacks on the coffee table and left to find an envelope for them.

Brenda went to her father's study to look for the envelope. His room and desk were just as neat as his office downtown and Brenda didn't want to disturb anything. Not seeing any envelopes out in the open, she began to open drawers in the desk. Not finding anything in the side drawers, she opened the middle drawer. Inside was a ledger marked 'checking' . Not knowing what to expect, Brenda placed it on the desk in front of her, opened it, and began to study.

It was almost an hour before Brenda emerged from the study, envelopes in hand. She closed the door softly and returned to the living room in a semi-daze. Ian was reading a book that he had found and didn't look up. Brenda walked slowly to the sofa and eased herself into the cushion next to him.

"Uh, Ian," she said with a slight catch in her throat.

"Um," he said, still engrossed in the book.

She turned to him and put her hand on his arm. Ian looked at her. "I need to talk, I think," she said.

"What's up?" he asked, closing the book.

"Well, I, um, I was looking for envelopes in dad's study and I came across some of his bank accounts, you know, checking and savings."

"Really?"

"Yeah. It only had his name on them, which I found a bit strange, but it looked like he paid bills with this ledger."

"Okay."

"Anyway, the balance was pretty high on the checking."

"How much."

"Over $30,000."

Ian whistled his appreciation. "That's quite a sum."

"Yeah, that's just part of it. I'm sure they had some type of joint account, but if he had his own account, I think mom would have had one, too. I couldn't find any other accounts, though. Maybe mom has them elsewhere."

"You said something about savings," he reminded her.

"Oh yes," she said excitedly, her hand touching his arm once more. "I almost forgot. How could I forget that?" She smacked her forehead with her palm. "You wouldn't believe the amount in savings."

"How much?" he asked.

"You won't believe it."

"Yes, I will. How much?" He was getting impatient.

"Over $425,000!"

"Wow!" Ian said. Although his family was much wealthier than Brenda's, he was still impressed.

"Wow is right," Brenda said as she sunk into the cushions of the sofa. "I never knew they had that much money. They never really showed it. I mean we've always had this house and nice cars and stuff. I guess I never thought about it. They never discussed money and finances with me."

"That's weird, considering you're a finance major."

"Yeah, it is. It's just hard to believe. I guess I won't have to worry about bills for a while," she said relieved. They're looking after me, even in death, she thought to herself. Of course, she knew that the assets wouldn't stay that high once all of the bills, legal fees, and taxes were paid, but she was sure that she could get her MBA without having to work for the next few years.

Later, she went through her mom's office and found her accounts. Although not as substantial as her father's, it still totaled over $50,000. She was still puzzled over the fact that she didn't see a joint account anywhere. She was sure that they would have an account together. It just didn't make sense. She went back to her father's study and looked around, but didn't see anything. Perhaps Roger could provide the answers for her.

Ian was asleep on the sofa, the book beside him, when Brenda finally came back from the study. She smiled when she saw him and debated as to wake him or find a blanket and cover him. She shut off the TV as she went by and sat down next to him. He didn't stir as she took the book and placed it on the table.

"Hey Ian," she said softly, shaking his shoulder. "It's getting late."

Ian slowly opened one eye and closed it. "Go away, I'm trying to sleep," he said as a smirk appeared. He opened his other eye and closed it.