Brenda & Ian Ch. 01

"It's going to be pretty lonely when you leave. I'm really going to miss having you around all of the time."

"There's always the garage," he laughed. Brenda giggled, in spite of her thoughts about Ian leaving. She wished that there was some way that he could stay without everyone having a coronary, but she knew that it would be impossible and that she had to resign herself to that fact. They remained quiet for a few minutes.

"You know what I'll miss most?" Ian blurted out suddenly.

"What?"

"Sleeping with you."

Brenda choked on her sandwich and coughed for a few seconds. After she regained her composure, she began to laugh.

"What's so funny?" Ian asked in a hurt voice.

"Oh no, Ian, I'm not laughing at you. It's just the way you said it. 'Sleeping with someone' is always associated with sex. I just wasn't expecting it, that's all." She coughed a few times more and wiped her mouth with a napkin. "I'm sorry, it just sounded funny to me."

"That's okay," he replied, smiling. "I guess it did come out a little different than I intended, but, I will miss that a lot."

"Me too. It was wonderful having you next to me. I really needed you, still do."

Ian reached across the table and took her hand. "You know I'm just a phone call away."

"Yeah, I know."

"Good, I expect a lot of calls," he said laughing.

"You'll get a lot, believe me."

They continued to talk and joke until it was after 5:30. They cleaned their table, threw away the trash, and put the sandwiches and drinks back into the refrigerator. No one had arrived, so Brenda decided to spend some time alone with her parents. She first went to her father and knelt down in front of his coffin. Brenda was not a particularly religious person, but she meditated and prayed for several minutes. When she finished, she leaned forward and kissed him on the cheek, his coldness shocking her lips. She moved away and went to her mother where she went through the same pattern. Brenda was more prepared to kiss her mom, but it still was an unpleasant shock.

A few people had arrived early and had tried to enter the parlor, but Ian and Mr. Morris intercepted them before they were able to disturb Brenda. Once she finished, Ian took his spot next to her and the procession began once more. Ian left her side only to provide her with more water. Once again, family and friends were curious about him, but any rumors were dispelled when their relationship became known. Of course, some who knew that Ian was staying with her wagged their tongues about it privately, but Brenda ignored it. She had never hidden that fact, and besides, who else had offered to stay with her? No one. She had nothing to be ashamed of and she didn't care what people thought.

Roger Rigsby came by at 7:00 and was greeted by Brenda with open arms. He warmly shook Ian's hand and reminded them about the meeting to read the will on Thursday.

"I am keeping my entire morning open for you," he said to Brenda, "and then we will lunch. You will come, too, Ian?" he pointedly asked him.

"Of course, he is," Brenda said for him, "I want him with me." Ian nodded quickly and tried not to look guilty, although he still didn't know what role he played in this conspiracy.

"Good, good," exclaimed Roger, "I will see you tomorrow, then."

As he turned to leave, Brenda said, "Uncle Roger, please stop by the house after the funeral. I'm having a few people over and I'd really like for you to come."

"Of course, my dear, that would please me. Thank you. Well, then, I will see you tomorrow. Good-bye, my dear."

As he slowly shuffled away, he looked back at Ian and smiled thinly. Ian stared blankly until Brenda introduced the next person to him. Brenda continued to be strong throughout the visitation, occasionally dabbing her eyes, but Ian kept a close eye on her. The more he watched her, the more Ian admired her courage and strength. Although he knew that she was tired, she didn't let it affect her and greeted person after person with grace.

When it was over, Brenda chatted with relatives while Ian backed out quietly and went to the lounge to get some water for himself. Brenda noticed his departure immediately, but continued her conversation with her Aunt Marie. Several of her aunts and female cousins were bringing food to the house after the funeral and, of course, staying for the small gathering. Brenda figured that there would be about thirty people altogether. Mentally, she was tallying the amount of plates, utensils, napkins, cups, and drinks that she would need. She was satified that they had enough, but she would check again when they returned home. Ian returned a few minutes later with two bottles and gave one to Brenda when he returned to her side. She nodded her thanks and slipped her free arm around his waist. He was a bit surprised, but he said nothing as he did the same in kind. Once it got to be after 9:30, Brenda had had enough and was ready to go home. Ian helped her with her jacket and they left with the others who had stayed behind.

The drive home was quiet. Brenda stared out the window throughout, but reached for Ian's hand for comfort. Once home, she put her jacket away in the closet and went upstairs to her room and closed the door. Ian followed a few minutes later and went to his room as well. He hung up his suit coat and then sat down at the computer. Oddly, he wasn't tired and was, in fact, wide awake as he began to explore the internet. Presently, there was a tapping at his open door from Brenda. Ian thought that she had gone to bed, but she was still dressed, sans shoes, when she came in.

"Can you unzip me? I think it's stuck," she said sheepishly.

"Sure," he said, moving from the desk to her.

She turned her back to him as he reached for the zipper. It was indeed stuck as Ian struggled with it for a few seconds. After a few moments of almost desperation, Ian finally worked it free and zipped it down part way, exposing her toned back and the start of her modest black slip.

"Thanks," she said as she reached behind her and zipped it down all the way to the small of her back. "Boy, I'll be glad to get out of this," she said as she began to pull her arms out of the sleeves.

"Uh, Bren..." Ian gulped.

"What?" she said as she shimmied out of the dress and stepped out of it. Ian hadn't seen her back and shoulders for a while and he was impressed with how toned they were. Ian thought that she looked extremely sexy as she stared at him waiting for an answer. She reached down to pick up her dress, exposing a bit of cleavage in the process. Ian felt his heart skip a beat.

"What?" she asked again when she straightened. She looked at him close and saw the expression on his face. It all came together rather quickly. "Oh, come on Ian, it's just a slip." Ian started to turn a bit red. "My God, Ian, you've seen me in a bikini before. Do you want me to take the slip off so you'll feel more comfortable?" She reached down to the hem and started to pull it up.

"No, no, the slip is fine," Ian said quickly. Brenda let go of the hem, smiling at him. "You just surprised me a bit, that's all."

"Well, Ian, don't worry," she laughed, "I'm not going to undress for you. I didn't think a slip was a big thing. I'm sorry."

"No problem. It just surprised me." Brenda turned to leave. "Are you going to bed?" he asked.

"Yeah, I'm worn out. You?"

"I'll stay up for a bit."

"Okay, well, good-night then." She moved forward and kissed him on the cheek. "Thank you for being with me tonight." She stared into his eyes. "I'm going to need you even more tomorrow," she said, almost in a whisper.

"I know."

She kissed him again and turned and went to her room, closing the door behind her.

Ian watched her leave, admonishing himself for making such a big deal about her being in a slip. Brenda was right, though, about the bikini. She had looked fantastic in it last summer and had turned many heads with her physique. Ian really admired the way she looked and complimented her many times, but it wasn't anything sexual at that time. He was just happy to be around her and they had a great time. Boy, he thought to himself, if she had actually stripped to her underwear, he probably would have had a heart attack. Just seeing a bit of her shoulders and back, he could tell that she was in even better shape and the thought of seeing her in a bikini again was almost more than he could stand.

He went back to the computer and tried to concentrate, but found his thoughts drifting back to her. He tried to imagine how she would look in a bikini now and knew that she would look awesome, like someone in a fitness magazine. Once again, he tried to concentrate on the computer and catch up on his e-mail. He laughed inside whenever he came to an advertisement that guaranteed to make his penis larger. He often wondered how they knew what his penis size was and why would they think that he was dissatisfied with it. "I'm quite satified with it as it is," he said aloud.

"Satisfied with what?" Brenda asked as she stood by the door in her flannel night gown. Ian turned quickly and saw her.

Ian pondered for a moment, then said, "Why, I don't think you need to know."

"Why not?"

"Because."

Brenda moved closer and tried to see what was on the computer, but Ian deleted it quickly.

"That's not fair," she pouted.

"Too bad."

"Oh, come on, tell me. We've always told each other everything," she said, batting her eyes.

"Some things needn't be discussed," he said as he reached to turn off the computer. "So, what brings you by?"

"No fair changing the subject."

"Damn."

"So, what are you satisfied with?"

"You're obsessed with this, aren't you?"

"Yes, and answer the question, please."

"Uh oh, the lawyer's coming out."

"Answer the question, sir!"

"It's my penis size!" he yelled in mock confession. "Now, you know. Now, everyone knows. Oh my God." Ian rolled his eyes. "You got what you wanted, now leave me alone." Ian waved her away with his hand.

"It's my house. I can go where I want," she said, laughing, her arms crossed in front of her.

"Details, details..."

Brenda sat down on the end of the bed and looked around the room. Ian moved to the bed and sat down next to her. "Mom and dad used this as a special guest room. They could never decide if it should be masculine or feminine. I guess dad won that case," she laughed.

"Looks like it," Ian replied.

Brenda picked some lint from her gown and flicked it to the floor. She smoothed the cloth where it had puckered. "So, you're satisfied with your penis size. That's comforting."

"Yeah, well, everyone on the internet seems to be interested in it, that and my breast size."

"Your breast size?"

"I'm still trying to figure that one out."

"I should hope so."

"What about you?"

"About what?"

"Are you satisfied with it?"

"Your penis size? I don't believe we've been introduced."

Ian's face reddened. "No, you dope. Your breast size. Are you satisfied with it?"

Brenda looked down, pulled her neckline away and checked out her cleavage. Ian tried to sneak a peek, but was not successful.

"Hey, no fair!" she exclaimed as she smiled and readjusted her gown.

"Sorry," he said sarcastically.

"No, you're not."

"How true," he admitted. He waited a few seconds. "Well?" he finally asked.

"Well what?"

"Are you satisfied?"

"Satisfied?"

"With your breast size."

"Yes, I'm quite satisfied with it," she said.

"Good, me too," he replied.

"Oh really. I didn't know that you were that acquainted with them."

"Well, we were on the beach quite a bit last summer and they looked great." He added, "They fit your frame."

"Ah, well, thanks," she stammered, not really knowing how to take the compliment.

"You really do have a great looking body," he insisted. "And that's not coming from me as a cousin, either. You got a lot of looks on the beach."

"I didn't notice."

"Well, you did."

"So, where are they at now?"

"Gee, I thought I was the only man that you would ever want or need," Ian said whimsically.

"You're silly," Brenda said, laughing. Oh, I wish I could get my hands on him, she thought as a shiver went through her.

"You cold?" he asked.

"A little," she lied. "I think I'll head to bed now."

"Okay," he replied sadly. He always enjoyed talking to her, no matter if it was serious or not. Deep down, he secretly hoped that she would need him to be with her that night.

Brenda got up from the bed and went to the door. Looking back, she said, "Thanks again."

"Anything for you. You know that."

"I know," she said before she left.

Brenda found her bed in the dark and climbed in. As she pulled the covers up, she heard the wind whistling through the bare tree limbs outside her window. Her thoughts were totally on Ian as she tried to get comfortable. She was beginning to love everything about him and she was finding it harder and harder to resist temptation. She knew it was wrong to have such thoughts, but being rational wasn't on her mind too much. The only thing that she wished was that she could find someone like him to love so that she wouldn't feel so guilty about it. But, she knew that was impossible. How could she find someone that perfect for her? At times, she felt that if she couldn't have Ian, then she needn't ever get married.

She flipped onto her stomach to try to get to sleep, but her mind was still too active for that to happen. Although she was exhausted, her eyes were wide open watching the droplets of rain cascading down the window next to her bed. Deciding to fight it no longer, Brenda threw off the covers and got out of bed. Taking two steps toward the door, she stopped. "What am I doing?" she whispered to herself. Brenda began to debate with herself on whether to go or stay. Eventually, her brain won out over her heart and she turned around and sat down in front of the window, the tears on her face matching the rain on the glass.

Wednesday March 17th

The morning sun was radiant as it blazed through Ian's window that morning. He rose groggily and shut off the annoying buzzing from the alarm. It was a few minutes after seven. They had to be at the funeral home by nine and the the church at ten. Ian stretched and yawned as he shuffled to his bathroom to urinate. Once he was finished, he went across the hall to Brenda's room to check on her. When he got there, he could see that she was still sleeping. Ian tapped lightly on the door to announce his presence. Brenda stirred a bit before she rolled onto her back and squinted at him. She looked at her alarm clock and saw the time.

"Shit!" she hissed as she threw off the covers and scooted off the bed. "I wanted to be up a half hour ago!" She grabbed her bathrobe and pulled it on as she breezed past him, blowing him a kiss as she hurried down the hall to the bathroom.

Ian was the first one down and dressed, so he went to the kitchen and started a pot of coffee. He wasn't much of a coffee drinker, but Brenda was. He filled the toaster with bread and got the butter and jelly from the refrigerator, along with the orange juice. He wasn't much of a cook, but he did know how to scramble eggs, so he went back to the fridge, found four eggs, and began to prepare them.

As Brenda was applying the last of her makeup, her nose was tickled by the aroma of coffee and food from the kitchen. When she finished, Brenda went down and saw two plates of food on the table with Ian cleaning the skillet at the sink.

"There's hope for you yet," she said as she entered.

Ian looked behind him, saw his cousin, and did a double take. She was dressed in a simple dark blue dress with pearls and matching earrings, but in Ian's eyes, she looked beautiful. She sat down and began to eat her breakfast and Ian joined her minutes later. Brenda really wasn't very hungry, but she didn't want to hurt Ian's feelings after the work that he had done. After they finished, they put the dirty dishes in the washer and cleared the table. It was almost 8:15 and she wanted to leave soon.

Ian helped her into a white jacket and then put on his own suit coat. Before they left, Brenda said, "I'd like to use my dad's car today, if you don't mind."

"Okay," he replied. Brenda handed him her keys and showed him the correct one. They went to the garage and Ian saw Brenda's Honda on the left and her dad's Cadillac on the right. The space in the middle was empty, the space where her mom's car should have been. He opened the passenger door for Brenda and let her in and then went around to the driver's side and got in. The car was much bigger than what he was used to, so he knew that he would have to be careful. Brenda found the remote for the garage door and pressed the switch. Ian backed out slowly, and soon, they were on their way.

Brenda couldn't believe what a glorious day that it had turned out to be. The sun was so bright that he almost needed sunglasses and it was already starting to get warmer. She was glad that it was a beautiful day; it would have been worse if it had been rainy and gloomy. Her parents deserved to have a day like this and she felt better because of it.

When they arrived at the funeral home, no one else had yet arrived. Ian helped her out of the car and walked her to the door. Mr. Morris met them and took them to the viewing parlor and left them alone. Holding Ian's hand, Brenda slowly made her way to the coffins. The finality of it all was starting to overwhelm her, but she had made a promise to herself that she would not break down. But now, she wasn't sure that she could keep that promise. Gripping Ian's hand tightly, she stopped in front of her mother's coffin and gazed at her face. Brenda looked at her long and hard, taking in every feature, every fiber of her being. She never wanted to forget anything about her mom, no matter how small. After a few minutes, they moved over to her father and began the same ritual. Her chin quivered slightly when she touched his hand, but she smiled instead of shedding more tears. Ian kept his eye on her throughout, offering his support just by being beside her. He really didn't know what to do besides hold her hand. Brenda was silent the entire time and showed no emotion except for smiling now and then. Her entire focus was on her parents and no one else was in her world, even Ian. It was as if she had put herself in a trance, but she was keenly aware of her surroundings.

Mr. Morris came in quietly to let them know that it was almost nine o'clock. Brenda thanked him and he left just as quietly. When they turned away from the coffins, Brenda's eyes were misty, but she was still composed. They sat down on the sofa across the room from the coffins and waited for the doors to be opened. They didn't stand by the coffins when family and friends filed in for the service, but met everyone at the sofa. Ian noticed that Brenda appeared more relaxed and in control of herself that morning and he hoped that it would last. He recognized almost everyone from the previous evening, but there were a few new faces. Brenda introduced him to everyone once again, whether they had met before or not. Through arrangements made by Roger, a funeral detachment from Fort Knox would be there to serve as pall bearers for her father, who was a Vietnam War veteran. Several uncles and cousins would serve in the same capacity for her mother.

Once it became 9:25, Mr. Morris came in and led everyone in prayers for Alice and Harry. When the prayer service ended, he and his staff escorted everyone out of the parlor except for Brenda and Ian. After everyone was gone, Morris closed the doors and allowed Brenda one final good-bye. They knelt at her father's coffin first, her arm linked through his, her head on his shoulder. She bit her lip to keep from crying, but was unsuccessful as the tears erupted. She didn't bother to fight it, it was no use. Ian held her close and whispered encouragement to her. Brenda nodded periodically at the things he said. After a few minutes, they got up to move to Alice's coffin. Brenda kissed her father one last time, not even noticing the coldness. Brenda was more composed with her mother and she couldn't understand why. She had no preference of one parent over the other; she loved them equally and dearly. Perhaps it was because she was able to say good-bye to her mother in the hospital and not her father. She didn't stay as long with her mother and she didn't cry. They left the room slowly and didn't look back. When they were out of sight, the coffins were closed forever.