Brenda & Ian Ch. 01

After Ian and Brenda were seated in the limousine, six crisply dressed army personnel slowly marched in cadence to Harry's coffin where they draped an American flag over it. They picked up the coffin and slowly placed it in the first hearse. Six of Brenda's uncles and cousins followed behind with Alice's coffin and placed it in a second hearse. Ian, who had been hiding his emotions well up to that point, began to get choked up. He shifted his position, cleared his throat, and tried to regain control.

Shortly thereafter, the procession began. Although it was a short distance from the funeral home to the church, it took much longer because of the long line of cars. They passed a VFW hall along the way where about four or five members stood outside. Seeing the flag-draped coffin pass slowly by, they snapped to attention and saluted in unison. The funeral detachment, in an SUV behind Brenda and Ian, returned the salute as they passed.

When they arrived at the church, the lot was quite full already. The long, slow, mournful tone of a single bell tolled every few seconds. The coffins were removed from the hearses, Harry's first, and were brought to the entrance of the church where they were placed on a gold-plated gurney. Brenda, Ian, and everyone else followed where they were greeted by Father Paul. He said an opening prayer and placed a white funeral cloth over the coffins and blessed them with holy water. He then led the coffins up the aisle as a hymn was being sung by the church choir. Brenda and Ian were seated in the first pew to the left of Harry's coffin with Alice's behind him. The funeral was lovely, if you can say that about one. Father Paul spoke of them lovingly and mixed in just the right amount of humor. He even had Brenda smiling. He put their deaths in such a positive light, that Brenda felt at peace.

The ride to the cemetery was long and Ian thought it took forever. They held hands throughout the ride, but spoke little. Brenda remarked several times about how beautiful the service was and Ian agreed wholeheartedly. When they arrived at the cemetery, the soldiers slowly walked Harry's coffin to the plot. Alice's coffin followed and was placed next to her husband. Partially hidden by a green tarp was the headstone and grave of Ryan, whom Brenda had visited only a handful of times since his death. When everyone had settled, Father Paul said prayers for the souls of Harry and Alice. When he finished, the soldiers moved and stood around Harry's coffin, three on each side. They then began the slow, respectful ritual of folding the American flag into a triangle. Out of nowhere, a trumpeteer began a beautiful rendition of "Taps". There was not a dry eye anywhere, including Ian, when he finished. When the flag was folded, it was brought to Brenda.

As all of the officers slowly raised their hands in salute to Brenda, the commander said, "The President of the United States and the United States Army wish for me to present this flag to you for your father, who served his country so well. My deepest condolences to you, ma'am." He extended the flag to Brenda.

Tears falling freely, Brenda accepted the flag and held it to her chest. "Thank you," she somehow managed to say.

The service was over and many people approached Brenda to talk. Ian went to each coffin and plucked a white rose from the arrangements. After fifteen minutes or so, the crowd had dwindled dramatically. Brenda had given an extra house key to her Aunt Marie so they could start bringing the food to the house for the gathering. Mr. Morris waited patiently for Brenda and Ian to take them back to the funeral home.

Clutching the flag to her, Brenda graciously thanked each officer individually for making the service more meaningful to her. After almost everyone had left, Ian gave her the flowers.

"How beautiful, thank you," she said. She looked up at the crystal blue sky and smiled. "It's such a beautiful day. Mom and dad would have wanted to take the day off and go golfing. I guess they can do that all the time now."

"I guess so," Ian agreed.

Brenda looked down and saw Ryan's headstone. She bent down and moved the tarp to expose it completely. She touched it briefly and sighed. Looking back at Ian, she placed the two flowers that he had given her at the base. She said a quick prayer before she nodded to Ian, and then they began to walk back to the limo.

The gathering at Brenda's house was pleasant, in spite of the fact that Ian knew virtually no one. He found a comrade in Brenda's Uncle Russell, who was a veterinarian. They talked about his practice and how things had changed in veterinary medicine over the past thirty years. He spoke of the long hours, the difficult cases, and the humerous moments. The more they talked, the more Ian was positive that he had made the right career choice. Mr. Rigsby also entertained everyone with stories about Harry and Alice. Brenda stayed mostly in the kitchen with her aunts and female cousins. Occasionally, she would look for Ian, mostly to reassure herself, and usually found him in conversation with someone.

As it approached late afternoon, the guests began to leave and by six o'clock, the last guest had departed and they were alone once more. Her aunts and cousins had cleaned up in the kitchen before they left, the living room and dining room had plates and cups scattered about. Brenda got a trash bag from the kitchen and together, they cleaned the rooms. Once the trash was picked up, Brenda got out the vacuum cleaner and handed it to Ian.

"I've seen that you're pretty handy with this."

"Yeah, well, looks can be deceiving," he answered, smiling.

They finished the vacuuming and the rest of the cleaning quickly and when they had put everything away, it was still early evening. Brenda plopped down on the sofa and exhaled loudly, blowing her short bangs in the process. Ian sat down next to her and loosened his tie and unbuttoned the top button of his shirt. They were both more mentally tired than physically, but neither wanted to move.

After a few minutes of silence, Brenda sat up and announced, "Well, I'm going to take a long, hot bath." She suddenly felt a lot older than her twenty-two years.

"Want some company?" Ian asked, but not very convincingly.

"Now, now," Brenda said, wagging her index finger at him, "as much fun as I'm sure you'd have, remember the cousin thing."

"Damn, that keeps slipping my mind," he said.

"I wonder why?" she replied, "But, there is something you can do for me."

"And that would be?"

"You could unzip me. My neck's a bit stiff; too much tension, I guess." She moved her head in a circle to try to relieve it.

Ian reached for the zipper, but thought better of it and placed both hands on the slope of her neck where it joined the shoulder and began massaging and kneading the area.

"Oh Ian," she murmured, dreamlike, "I'm going to have to keep you around for a long time!" Ian merely chuckled and continued the massage. He pressed his thumbs firmly into the trapezius muscle lining her neck and moved to different spots. Soon, the tension in her neck began to loosen and the headache that was trying to start went away quickly. "Ian, you are too good," she said as she moved her head from side to side, testing it. "Don't you dare stop!" she said as he relaxed his grip to rest his thumbs. A few minutes later, he did stop when his hands hurt too much to continue.

"Is that all," she pouted, but then smiled.

"That's all my hands can stand," he said, flexing his fingers, "but I can do something else."

"Like what?"

Without answering, he started at the base of her neck and began to scratch her lightly with his short, neatly trimmed nails. He went from side to side a few inches at a time.

"Oh my God, Ian, that feels fantastic," she said as she moved her back left and right. He moved down a few inches at a time, moving his fingers over the material of her dress. "Wait!" she said suddenly, as Ian stopped. "Unzip me. It'll feel better." Dutifully, Ian pulled the zipper down and was pleasantly surprised to see that she wasn't wearing a slip this time, only her bra strap was showing over her well-defined back. After he got over his initial shock, he began to cover her entire back with his nails. "Hmm," she kept murmuring, tossing her head back and forth, thoroughly enjoying his touch. Every once in a while, he got brave and moved his fingers inside her dress towards her rib area, where she would jump slightly from being ticklish, but she didn't stop him. He thought about going past her zipper to the beginning of her half slip and underwear, but resisted the urge. He made his way back to her shoulders and started the process all over again. Once he had finished the second round, he stopped and zipped the dress halfway up, so she could reach it, patting her back once it was done.

"I think I'm in Heaven," she sighed. "Where did you learn to do that? That was absolutely wonderful!"

"Oh, here and there, I guess. I don't really remember," he lied. Actually, an ex-girlfriend had done the same to him and had taught him a few techniques about massage, but he didn't want to discuss ex-girlfriends at that time. The back scratch was his own specialty and the few girls that he tried it on seemed to love it.

"Well," she said as she rose unsteadily from the sofa, "a bath is calling me and no, you can't come." She smiled at him. "Even though I'd like it very much." Brenda walked slowly to the stairs, almost wishing that Ian would ignore her statement and follow her up. Every fiber in her body wanted to make love to him at that moment, but he remained on the couch, a silly grin plastered on his face. Brenda glanced back his way once again before she ascended the stairs to her room.

Ian looked down and cleared his throat. He wasn't sure how to take Brenda anymore. He couldn't tell where the fun and games ended and the seriousness began. Maybe they were heading towards a point of no return, but he had always thought that they would be able to resist that final temptation. Now, he wasn't sure. He had really hoped that she would invite him upstairs to her bath and he sensed that she wanted to, but it didn't happen. Common sense told him that he should leave before they screwed things up, but would that solve anything? Ian thought not. He felt that if they separated, it would bring them faster to the point that which they were trying to avoid. And now, he was entirely sure that he was in love with her, because now, he knew that he couldn't bear to be away from her.

Brenda eased herself into the soapy, steaming bath water, waiting for her body to get used to the warmth. The tingling between her legs had not stopped since Ian had begun to drag his nails across her back. A sensation like none other had attacked her body, almost as if he had found that special sweet spot that no man had yet to touch. She had hoped that she hadn't made it too obvious as to how aroused she had become. She wanted Ian now, not as a cousin, but as a man, and she was not ashamed to admit it. She knew that she was getting dangerously close to losing control of the situation and it scared her. She wasn't afraid of losing her virginity to Ian, she was more than willing to let him be her first. No, she was more afraid of losing him after the fact, and she knew she couldn't let that happen.

With her thoughts totally on him, she began playing with right nipple as her right hand slid down and found her hood-shrouded nub. A shiver went through her as she toyed with herself, alternating rubbing and pinching. Her breathing quickened as her nipple became harder and started to protrude. She opened her legs wider and imagined herself getting ready for Ian, her hand moving faster over her clitoris at the thought of him entering her, making them one. Shiver after shiver went through her, telling her that she was getting close. Rubbing herself harder, she didn't care if Ian heard the splashing, he was missing a great show. She gritted her teeth as the orgasm came hard and fast, surprised by the intensity. It came in wave after wave and she rode them unashamed at the thought of who provoked them. She suppressed a groan of pleasure as she bit down on her lower lip. The waves started to ease as she opened her legs, her thighs letting go of her hand that was still lazily massaging her clitoris. She relished the afterglow and the acute sensitivity of her clit as she alternated stimulating each nipple, shivers still going through her.

By the time she finished her bath, the water had turned tepid and she was ready to get out. Brenda toweled off before she got cold and tossed on a clean night gown and put on a robe and slippers. After she drained and rinsed the tub, she left the bathroom and went downstairs. Ian was engrossed in a book about the civil war and Brenda sat down next to him.

"Feel better?" he asked without looking up.

"Much," she replied with a smile on her face.

"I'll probably shower up before I go to bed."

Brenda smiled at the thought of Ian taking a shower, but she pushed it away. She studied her cousin closely. His blond hair was turning darker over the years and she could imagine it becoming light brown eventually. She admired his intensity as he read the book, his green eyes pouring over the pages. She hadn't known that he liked civil war history. Ian glanced her way as he felt her gaze.

"What?" he asked curiously.

"Oh nothing," she said, "I was just thinking."

"That's scary."

"Smartass!" she said as she slapped his shoulder softly. Ian laughed and put the book aside.

"So, what's up?"

"Well," she began, "I was just wondering if I've thanked you enough for everything you've done for me these past few days."

Ian thought for a few seconds. "You know there's no need to thank me. You would have done the same for me. That's what best friends are for."

Brenda scooted closer to Ian and tucked her legs underneath her. Ian could smell the soap from her freshly cleansed skin and inhaled deeply, taking in it's fresh, wonderful scent. He closed his eyes for a moment, relishing the aroma. When he opened them, Brenda was staring at him intensely. It was unnerving and he didn't know what to say or do.

"I love you," she said simply, breaking the silence.

"I love you, too," he replied.

"No, I mean I LOVE you, Ian."

Ian blanched for a second, although her statement certainly didn't surprise him. "I know what you meant, Brenda," he said as he touched her hand, his eyes not leaving her face.

"I'm beginning to need you more than cousins are supposed to."

"I know," he said, looking away from her and down to their hands. "I think maybe I shouldn't stay much longer. Things are happening too fast and I don't think we're able to make rational decisions right now." He looked away from her again.

"On the contrary, I think I'm being very rational right now. If I wasn't, we wouldn't still be virgins. I'm not saying let's hop into bed and get naked, I was just stating a fact and I wanted to discuss it."

"I just think that your emotions are messed up right now and we should wait a few days until things settle down," Ian explained.

"These feelings will not be different in a few days or a few months, Ian. Your leaving will not solve this. We need to talk about it."

"I can't stay forever."

"Why not?"

"Oh come on, Brenda, be reasonable. Remember the cousin thing? My parents would kill me and possibly disinherit me. No, they'd castrate me, kill me, then disinherit me."

"Don't make fun," she said sadly.

"What do you want? Do you want to live like cousins or lovers? It has to be one way or the other because I don't think we could pull off living like lovers and acting like cousins outside these walls. Would I want to be your lover? More than anything in the world." Brenda raised her eyebrows. "But, how could we do it without hurting everyone in the process? Do I want to leave? No way. Brenda, every instinct, every part of me wants to take you to bed and love you like a lover should, but there could be no turning back for us after that."

Brenda thought long and hard before she said anything, choosing her words carefully. "I just want you to stay, that's all. If we can't be lovers, then we'll be cousins only."

"Can we be only cousins?"

"If that's the only way to keep you around, yes, I can accept that. If we can be the way we were before, I can live with that. You are all I have left and I can't bear to let you go right now." Tears were starting to creep into the corners of her eyes.

"I don't think my parents would have too much of a problem if I stayed until classes started, but beyond that, I think they'd draw the line."

"Okay," she relented, "we'll do that. Maybe they'll surprise us and be okay with it."

"I seriously doubt it."

"You never know."

"We'll see," he said, but he still had his doubts. Ian wondered if he really should stay. He could feel them spiraling towards something that was unstoppable and he was torn as to whether to let it happen or keep fighting it. He was afraid that it was a losing battle on both of their parts. Of course, he wanted to make love to Brenda. At this point, if she would ask him to go to bed with her and make love, he would do it. Would he regret it? He hoped not.

Ian reached for the book and tried to start reading where he had left off. Brenda took this as a dismissal and left the sofa in a huff. She walked quickly to the stairs without looking back. As she climbed the stairs, the tears began to flow. For the first time in a long while, she was angry with her beloved cousin and she didn't want to be. She didn't want to mad at anyone that day, not when she had just buried her parents hours earlier. She didn't know what set her off. Was it stress? Was it because he didn't offer to jump her bones? Hormones? She didn't know as she hurried to her room and shut the door behind her. Brenda threw herself on her bed and cried herself into an uneasy sleep.

Thursday March 18th

When she woke, her night lamp was still burning bright, causing long shadows on her bedroom walls. Her alarm clock read 3:07 and she hadn't set it when she fell asleep. She had to urinate in the worst way, so she went to the bathroom and emptied her very full bladder. Brenda remembered being angry at Ian and chastised herself for being stupid and petty. She knew that her emotions were playing games with her, taking her on a roller coaster ride that she wished would end.

Finishing up, she made a mental note to apologize to Ian, but knowing him, she thought, he wouldn't have noticed that she was upset with him in the first place. She was actually surprised that she hadn't snapped earlier. After she washed her hands, she looked in his room, but didn't see him there. Puzzled, she went down stairs to the living room and found him curled up on the sofa where she left him. The book had been carefully placed on the coffee table and he had taken off his shoes. While walking to him, Brenda debated as to wake him or let him sleep. She didn't have anything to cover him with, so she decided to wake him. She knelt down between the sofa and the coffee table and leaned close to his ear. She blew air into it and watched him twitch slightly. She tried it once more and Ian stirred, raising his right hand to scratch his ear. He opened one eye to see two big, brown ones staring back at him.

"Go away," he mumbled as he closed the eye.

"Time to go to bed," she whispered in his ear.

"I am in bed," he replied.

"Not the one I want you in."

Both eyes opened. "Bren..."

"Just to sleep, dear, just to sleep. I need you next to me, if only for a few hours," she said, noting the time.

"Okay," he said as he swung his legs to the floor. He got up, picked up his shoes, and walked with her upstairs.

When they reached his room, she said, "Come over when you've changed." Ian nodded and went to his room, closing the door behind him. After he changed and hung up his clothes, he used the toilet and brushed his teeth.