All Comments on 'Bright Eyes'

A fine example of a vignette. You just know she had learnt her lesson before he found out, but now it is more than to late. He's not going to take it lying down and she will pay.

stories that I have read. Yes, it was succinct, but it conveyed a range of emotions so well. In fact, after reading this story, I read your others. You have a gift for writing. Thank you for sharing these gems with us.

Bob

Just a key moment in their lives. Although not "likely" the story feels right. So many stories have been so heavy handed lately (with great applause). I for one loves your simple and powerful tale. I feel this one. energystar

While what is written is relatively short, what it says makes a book. Masterfully understated it achieves greater impact than if all aspects of the infidelity were explored in great detail.

Tightly woven - nicely done story.

Regards, Jack

till i see if he does what he needs to do and gets the lights back in his eyes as he i hope burns her and her lover to the point that it may take years to even be able to see with eyes with no light...if her lover is married tell his wife ...go find your own lover and find another bright eyes for yourself...find someway to ge tyour light back even if you have to fuck a thousand women to do it...whoever her lover is needs to be destroyed ..that would be a sure fire way to get some light back in his eyes revenge can spark so much...sexual conquest is another way ...so again i say if it takes a thousand do it ...who says maybe you can even fuck the wife some again..after all when you tell his wife or put it out in the open it will hurt him anyway unless he is nothing to begin with...either way bring it all out ...make her hurt ...who knows maybe hell get his bright eyes back with her after her betrayal who cares

A sad story but one that definitely needs follow-up if the score is to be raised higher. This is an unfinished story. Currently it does not qualify as having an ending. That is a writing "faux pas". Cheers!

Excellent writing - every word counts. I don't think a part 2 is needed... the last paragraph of the story tells it all.

I believe the author when he asks for feedback, mentioning the amount of time required for writing the story. It looks like a perfectly polished gem. Nothing to spare nothing per the moment of the end is missing. <P>

One great lesson to other writers-especially new ones. Chew on what you can swallow. You don’t necessarily have to cover people’s half life. A well chosen half an hour could make for a fantastic story!

It accomplished what it should have, and like a fine work of art should be left that way. One of the best written short pieces I have read.

Great story-telling, wetapap. Thank you.

it captures all the emotions a person go through an ending. very well written. Kudos

Incredible glimpse into the moment of despair. The pain of both characters is experienced by the reader.

Wetapap is one of the best writers on here. He keeps everything to the point with out adding a lot unnecessary details. Such as what he has done with this story. When he does this you can tell that he has put a lot of thought and heart into what he has writen. I always enjoy reading one of his stories and even if this isn't his usual genre, he has still put forth the effort that he always does. How many authors do you know that can have such an impact with so few words? Think about it. Even well known authors usually don't get what they want accross without adding extra details that may or may not detract from a story. With this one Wetapap has once again proven that he has what it takes to write fiction.

Please keep the stories coming wetapap they are always appreciated by your fans. As always an excellent job and kudos to you for this story. Keep it up!!!

the only bad thing about this story is that it ended. I would like to see more of it... any chance of a rpre-quel or sequel?

The moment of discovery and admission. How much pain can one or two minutes hold? This is a perfect example. What happens from here? It will be extremely painful no matter what, write a sequel if you wish or let us wonder, you are the author. Wetapap I wish you would write more, but if that means less quality don't change a thing. When you write one it's always top shelf and just great.

Wetapap, very nice story. You left a lot for us to speculate on, but the sadness and anger are front & center.

I liked your story not alot of love in it the husband didnt even ask her what his name was or ask her did she love him will we get her story on the guy and how they met ?what about revenge for the husband ?

Pat

Atlanta,Ga

... impressive. Good story. I'd written a similar plot. Maybe in consequence a little bit harder.

Nucleus

Very fine short but depressing story. A beautiful job of compressing a multitude of emotions into a short page. As a lover of happy endings, I didn't like the conclusion , but I can't deny the writers talent.

60 year old George

for everyone that has left comments or sent emails. i try to send a personal note to each individual. some i have no way of contacting. i do appreciate the comments and wish to thank everyone who has taken the time to read the story.

A very interesting story, involving the simple perspicacity of a longtime husband leading with one slightly strained coincidence to the unveiling of truth. The way the story reads it's clear that he would have discovered the truth eventually - she just wasn't up to hiding, and he was no longer able to avoid wondering why she was no longer happy. The spare storytelling and unrevealed revealed ending of the marriage are masterful. Well done.

Hard to find fault with this, no wimp, no real whore, so it's not easy to slam the characters, they seem to have very real feelings. She screwed up, now their world is falling apart, that simple, and very real.

The assistant Troll

to the trash heap. Wont they ever learn to think with their hearts and souls for their families, their children, their spouses. She who would seek only her own self gratification seeks the end of all of consequence. Once the intimacy, the trust, the bond is broken nothing can bring it back to where it was. An adulterer is nothing more than a piece of worthless trash to be thrown out with the rest of the trash. You can love what she was but you can never love what she is. No woman is sorry she cheated, she is only sorry she is caught. No woman walks into cheating, it is always intentional and planned. And she can and will do it again in the right circumstances because the character, the personality, the mental disorder that led her there will always be ready to take her back. Never keep the trash, always throw it out.

this was no more than a small vignatte, a tease, an ad, really. the "real story" may not be as interesting.

I love your work, my only complaint was that this wasn't one of those grab your heart and rip it to pieces stories that you write so damn well. I was hoping when I started it that it would be four or five pages and I'd get the chance for a good cry and a happy ending...sigh. But I still love everything you do.

This story speaks volumes in such a short space. The wife clearly had placed her life with her husband in this routine box. Instead of addressing her boredom with this life she sought out a lover to "spice up her life." She was probably in love with the dream of an affair but the actual reality led to the change that her husband noticed. Like most cheaters she thought she would not get caught but a simple story exposed her double life. ______________________________________________________

Thanks for an outstanding story! I can not wait for your next submittal.

________________________________________________________

SleeplessinMD

Wetapap, you write so powerfully with so few words. You captured the moment so well and I as the reader felt a multitude of emotions. I see no need for a sequel since it will only lessen what we the readers pictured in our minds during the few moments the story covered. In my mind I pictured a woman who was seduced into a very short affair, probably leading to only a one-time sexual liaison before she realized what she had done. She now regrets the affair and is remorseful, but does not know how to handle the guilt and thus the lack of “bright eyes”. She could not hide her guilt from her husband; her eyes gave her away. The way the husband put two-and-two together was outstanding. Clearly, the wife already knew that “the affair (the He)” was not worth it as stated at the end of the story. ----- Burying her face in her hands, his wife quietly wept, "No… no he wasn't." -----

First reaction was good but too short, was there a suspicion before etc etc, but no you got it right. He was sensible and strong, and she didn't get into that pathetic begging so many female charactors do. Bravo. More.

Wetapeap: It's patently obvious to see that you possess great skill in presenting a story. There was much I liked about how you composed it. The dialog was crisp and credible. The nuances, such as the husband's toying with his coffee cup, added nicely and effectively to make the story seem more real. Even the title was imaginative; a nickname not actually used in the story. (PP) That being said, the story just didn't have a "wow" factor for me. I'm sure that reflects more on me than than on your story. For me the wife's infidelity was telegraphed. Your use of the words "irritated" and "aggravated" in describing successive responses by the wife in discouraging her husband's attempts at conversation were clues that all was not happy in paradise. Once you introduced the newspaper with its accompanying coincidences, your destination was clear. It was then a matter of how pleasant the ride would be. And it was pleasant. I just was not comfortable with the premise. An apparently very happy and successful marriage degenerated to infidelity so very quickly. I realize that comprehensive back stories are not a necessary ingredient in a story's success, and that sometimes a leap of faith is crucial to fully enjoy a story. But I just couldn't buy the premise of her cheating. I really wish I were able. Judging from the tenor of the responses, I missed out on something. However, I didn't miss the opportunity to appreciate and marvel at your considerable ability to write a story.

How our eyes betray us. They are truly a mirror to our souls.

Boyd

You'll get the other 25 or 50 when it's finished.

An outstanding piece of writing.

Short and to the point but speaks volumns. Very good writing. Like watching a good movie. You love it but wish it didn't end.

Highes regards to a fine writer

DG Hear

A very emotional scene and very sad when realization hits them both. I wonder if it was a one time error or did it entail an affair. She seems to act like it was a one time mistake that she is deeply sorry about.

Good story,could really use flushing out.Why,how long,is devorice the only solution,ect. Hope you do more,Thanks

Because of the quality of the writing, I wish there more. But that might detract from the emotional emphasis here and wind up as mere sawdust filler. Well done. Thanks for writing. Phil

But first Author - Very Impressive!!! ------.

To those who want more words, fill only tarnishes as it serves no purpose except to degrade what is around it. The next time you are on chapter 7 which should have been page 3 of chapter uno think about it.----------.

Not every story should be this terse but many should be so real, so powerful and emotional.-----------.

You are appreciated Author. More Please.-----------.

With Very High Regard

As much as I'd love to learn what happens with this couple, this story is complete, Finis'!

Ay-Wun

As far as I'm concerned this marriage is so over. The comment " was he worth it?" speaks volumes. He sees no more bright eyes just dull loveless eyes that spell the end of a dead marriage. A very good read. Keep them coming . With very high regards Luis

Compelling in how it brings the husband to gripes with the dark side in such a way. Compelling how the wife knows that her husband now is certain of something terribly wrong. The front page news about the doctor brings it all to focus, all over the 'eyes'.

Well done.

I specifically enjoyed how you wove two possible outcomes into the short storyline for me to consider.

Both reveled their love for each other, She showed her remorse and fear over "His Pain." Possible recon

Then at the end with his sudden withdrawl and quick exit Possible crash and burn.

It's made me think about both endings and the realism of both happening.

Very good job.

Papabear49

Well written. I really want to know what happens next.

A nice start to a story, but I am sure you meant it to be just that. I find it more a thought of a story line then a completed work.

A little intriguing for a story to follow.

PT

No more needs to be said. All that you could do from here is try to make either a happy ending or an ending sadder than what you already have. I think this story sums up the moment that the affiar is disocvered. Both parties are suffering but there is nothing that can relieve the pain. The guilty party cannot take back what has been done and the injured party may never reach an understanding of the why of it. It hurts and there is nothing to be done for that. For the two people in this story we don't need to know more.

It would be hypocritical of me if I did not admit that I am curious about what could have happened next to this couple. *************************************

Having said that, IMO the story does stand on its own. There is no predetermined content unit which needed to be covered. If you think of it there is an element of arbitrariness in both the beginning and the end of any story. Background always helps understand better the characters their relations etc. post script satisfies (yet again) our curiosity as to what happened afterwards to each of the characters. These are all the signs of a good work – it raises our curiosity. **************************************

But do we want to have a good story being dragged down into a cliched formulaic story? The question where to stop entirely depends on – for lack of a better word - the whim of the author. It’s not like he wants to torture us with a short story (You’d better not…). He probably either did not feel that he had something interesting to say at this time, AKA: inspiration), or was too tired whatever the reason –it has to be something that is not pressured but genuinely motivated by the author. What I fear is: a mediocre sequel due to readers’ pressure. ********************************************

Counter some comments: IMO, the story did have the “WOW” factor. I translate “WOW” to magic or fascination (not a frequent rating). It’s when a writer captures in his/her writing a moment which seems to jump out of the page, you almost forget that it’s a story situation. For me the truth revealing eye contact was a “wow” moment.

you sure do know how to write. its short but its very well done and got its message out. kudos.

If not could you please finish it for us. It is realy very good.

Would love to see a follow up, at least more of your stories. This site at times really needs good writers, Thanks for your storie.

"a certain sadness" i think is the title. thanks for the story.

i owe you a personal apology. one of the comments posted on my story 'bright eyes' contained not only a compliment to the story, but also an offensive personal insult against you. even though i am a strong advocate of free speech, i've never believed it to be a shield to justify derogatory verbal abuse against an individual. i can only say i'm sorry for not removing it sooner. you have my word, any such comment posted to my stories will be removed immediately. Wetapap -----

who this was sent to is not public information unless that individual wishes to make it so. for the readers who did read the comment before it was deleted, i apologize to them also. there is no way i will allow the comment section in my stories to be used as a forum to vent personal insults or attacks.

I think this story is about expectations, disilusions, guilt and consequences more than merely an infidelity... because every time we lie, cheat, compromise our morals or personal code of ethics, our very honor, we kill a part of our soul, and it is one that will difficult if not impossible to recover...thus the dull eyes...

No, I don't think this story needed a second part. What you presented was more than enough...it makes you think, doesn't it?

Very good but I would like to know the who's, why's, etc. and maybe what happens now. It is, even without, a very good story.

Since the characters didn't die, there is obviously more to THEIR story. Whether there is more to Wetapap's story is, of course, his call. This is a most excellent stand-alone story and subsequent chapters would diminish that effect. However, the story is so well done that the reader is sucked right in and wants to find out what happens next. This leaves Wetapap with a tricky proposition. He's done his job so well that his readers are clamoring for more; if he gives his readers what they want, it could devalue what he's already done. I just want to encourage Wetapap to write more. If it's a continuation of this story, that's terrific. If it's something new, that's great too. Just more, please.

Wonderfull story, wish there was a follow up, see how it all turned out writers mind. Thanks!

... but very nicely done. Please give us the rest of the story.

This is a wonderful case of a story that is complete right where you ended it--or the perfect start to a much longer story. In some ways, I hope you don't add to it. As it is now, each reader can imagine the past and future of these two characters in unique and meaningful ways.

Did they divorce and who was the man ? more to the story?

it's a sad story indeed. But aren't all cheating wives stories sad for the wronged party as well as for the other. There are no real winners here. It's a magnificent story expressing exactly the feelings of what is lost and can never be restored 100 %. The story as such doesn't ask for another chapter and it would be very difficult to match this one in bringing out the emotions as done here. But isn't that a challenge ? So many other readers also feel not all is said or explained... G.Belgium

you are good! thank you my brother.....so vivid, you nailed me in the first paragragh can you expound on this story soon. im so involved with both characters i want to know more. you know your readers because you are one. you are inspiring me. youve set a higher bar.

Perfect, just the way it is.

02/29/08 by Nucleus in Germany

Nothing more to add. The other comments said it all but ... you changed POV.

For example

The beginning: His POV

change:

Shaking herself out of her reverie,... her POV (he can't know that she's dreaming)

or this (her POV):

Her sadness seems to reflect her knowledge that the best life has to offer has come and gone for her."

Maybe he can suppose her feeling

Maybe he recognise her looking and can compare it to a former sadness she had had. (dead of parents or friend etc)

next change:

Sadly he queried, "I can't help wondering ... It's a DON'T in shortstories. That's the only thing I would remark. Anyway thank you for good entertainment. Good story.

Sincere regards

Nucleus

Reference:

(deleted per Nucleus's request and Literotica's rules. The only way i could accomplish this was by copying the original comment and reposting it without the link, wetapap)

copy and paste

please close the lap in "lite_rature" after pasting the link

You should really publish your stories in book form as a collection. Just think what you are depriving the regular print readers of! YOU CAN WRITE. Hope you DO write -- that is, continue to write. Best wishes and admiration.

Very short and very clean. good story and an enjoyable read.

I like it. If it was my wife, I would have died inside just like he showed in the mirror. There could be no reconcilliation, no happy ending, just total depression and sadness.

Loving Wife stories I've read. I absolutely love your work. When I score your work 100 I truly mean it. Please post new work soon. Glenn in NC P.S. Poppatode how do we get in touch with you. Love your stuff too.

I have read this story several times now and each time I feel as if it reaches the very core of my soul. Wish I could quote 200.

So right on!!! One of the few stories that takes my breath away... I do believe some of us have been down this path and have NOT recognized the situation

The commentaries are also fascinating. The idea that without consequences in detail a story is incomplete shows

a lack of appreciation for a gem.

It is amazing how much you transmitted to us in so few words and it did leave me very sad for the couple.

I am not trying to be funny or snide, but he seems like some readers have a punishment checklist that need to me doled out in a story like this (close bank acct, std testing, tell parents and friends, etc). I think wetapap is my favorite author on this site because he makes me buy into his story instead of just placating me with the standard story form on this site (some of which I love).

It's very sad for both of the husband and wife, who just found out that their lives will now change for the worse. For him, can he forgive her? Probably not! For her, why did she think that giving herself to someone else would make her feel better? She now knows what she has lost, and will never get back her husbands love and respect. His mistake was thinking that she loved him as much as he loved her, and was confident that he was the only one that she would have sex with and give her love to. He probably knew that he isn't the best of lovers, but thought their shared love would be enough to keep her knees together when around other men. This very well written story made me sad, but gave me so many thoughts. The author has done very well. Thanks for the post.....Rich

This is the second of your stories that I have read and it "Too" is fantastic writing. I guess that is your secret. You write that beautiful first part of the story. You don't go to the pain and grieving of the middle part nor the terrible ending or happy finish of reconciliation... It would be worth a best selling novel it you could do all three parts like the first part. You are one of the greatest I have read with your husband's first realization then first confrontation phases! I will keep reading all of your stories because you do what you do so well!

I think this was a good beginning of a story. At most it is half a story, and therefore I gave it a "50%" rating. I wouldn't even call it a complete short story, since it was really just enough to pique my interest, then leave me hanging and frustrated (much like your story about the mailbox). Frankly, that is an annoying trait. If you post again, please try to give the reader a complete story. Yes, I can use my imagination, but I read stories to experience someone else's imagination.

But you have several of these half finished stories.

Now what happened? She cheated, he found out, he leaves and starts a new life after what 25 - 30 years. She tries to commit suicide or some other thing and he comes back to her.

She leaves and he is depressed for the next 10 years. She says I sorry I never wanted to hurt you he says OK and life goes on. He get mad and shoots her between the eyes, take that you bitch. Which ending do you prefer. Oh well, it an old story I just found and no one cares anyway.

Combine an unfinished story (is this one of those "Flash" bullshit incomplete story things?) with an unresolved wimp ending (I mean don't most normal guys "just go to work" when they find out their wife is cheating?) I just gotta give you double goose eggs (00) AND a Bronx cheer or some other kind of fart noise.

What purpose would another chapter serve? It is a finished story. Reconciliation would make half the readers happy and divorce with vengence would make the other half extatic. So just leave the story as it is where nobody is happy; wife, hubby, reconcilers and torch the bitche'rs. Sometimes life sucks. Thanks author. Great short story. Jim

Nice build up, great development, but... you should finish!

I liked it, I gave it a 5. A great change of pace. I really felt for the husband, to go on would have cheapened the story. I have just found your stories, so far I think they are great.

I don't have a problem with the ending. It is up to the reader to draw their own conclusions about what happened next.

I like to think that her guilt and acceptance that it WASN'T worth it show remorse and they probably try to work it out. But then again I'm not one for "torch the bitch" stories unless if the wife really is a bitch.

Why should this Story be unfinished ?

There are so many Stories on this site which run around in circles with guilt, revenge, reconciliation, new love. I love many of them.

But the fact remains that after you discovered the person you trusted most in the World has betrayed you there is simply nothing more to say. At least nothing that really matters.

0

Once again I have had the unpleasant duty of deleting a comment. Feel free to say anything you wish, good or bad, about my stories or the opinions and comments posted by others. But please understand that I will not allow the comment section of my stories to be used to vent personal attacks against other readers.

A continuation would have been nice, but then that's just the purist in me. It's not hard to imagine the rest of it, but it's always easier to have it spelled out by the original author.

I liked the story. Short and sweet, with all the proper ingredients. Kind of like a hot dog with the works.

in this case I think COST would be more appropo. TK U MLJ LV NV

Short, but effective. As an old practioner of the "sweet science", it was like a fight ending sharp left hook to the jaw in the first round. The set up, the raw power of it all, then the quick explosive ending in just a few short paragraphs were delivered spot on. I considered it quite remarkable.

I noted some abuse from other readers who were less than pleased that you did not spell out the ending for them. That would have been all fine and well. On the other hand, there is a possibility that going through all the gory details might have taken away all the raw emotion and power that this story had. Like the knock out punch I described above, this story left a distinct impression. And sometimes is it not well that we are left to use the imagination we are given to sort out this scene on our own? A wonderful story. I salute you!

Great job on this one wetapap! As Cueball said, it was powerful, short, and to the point. Definitely a 5* story!

A lot of emotion in this brief tale. Sometimes the eyes are the window to the soul and the husband saw right into her heart and he knew. What's more, she knew he knew and realized she blew it. Life as she has known is gone forever.

Don't Cheat.

the windows to the soul. The lights that have gone out in their eyes are a reflection of the death of their souls. soon the darkness will spread to the rest of their family. a darkness whose depth will be measured by how deep their love once was. What a powerful story.

Goes from 1 to 5 score.

But they can be hardest to see - of course -

Nice job -

Great beginning but so much is left unsaid.

Good beginning, but as the title says, FAR TOO SHORT!

You just leave us hanging.

sorry. did not rate it. if i did it would be low. you need to finish it.

Good story,

Right now I can see the love both have for each other. The base is there for reconciliation but a great deal is lost in their relationship.Would love to see how this works out between them. She has to hurt inside because he will never again call her Bright Eyes no matter what happens. She will always hurt for the love that she betrayed. More please!

The story is over.

5*

Of course, my own wife said the same thing, it wasn't worth it. It was when she was walking out our door, leaving me and our two young children behind. Another man had won her heart and vagina for a short time and knowing I would never accept her back, agreed to leave when I told her there wasn't a place for her at our home. She spent two weeks at his place until she realized what a mistake she'd made.

But it was too late.

As to the work put into a story, I understand full well. I am working on my 7th novel and know full well of the pain in giving birth to a new life, otherwise known as a story!

now! enter the real pain and family turmoil, TK U MLJ LV NV

Ok we have the start of a pretty good story, just where is the rest of it.

others can see the entire story in a single snapshot. I liked this.