All Comments on 'Building Sarah a Workout Room'

An ambitious attempt, but there were too many issues for me to personally engage with the story. There are a lot of grammatical and punctuation errors that consistency broke the flow of the story. With countless missing commas and such, it becomes difficult to accurately picture character dialogue interactions in the intended way. I'd definitely just go back and have a good proof read. As for the actual story content, the character dynamics feel completely unestablished and confusing. I only realised after reading that you have other stories featuring the same characters. Are they supposed to be connected? I'd mark these stories as seperate chapters in the same series if they are, because I was completely lost: Why was Sabrina even in the story? Who the hell is Lisa? I assume these questions are answered in your other stories but there's no indication that I should have read anything else before this, so that would be useful.

Another gripe I personally had which I'm sure others wouldn't care about is the objectification of the female characters. Obviously as an erotic story some objectification is good and helps get things to the point. But there are some five or so female characters here and literally all of them serve no other purpose than to progress the plot to sex for the protagonist. Ideally, all characters should feel like free agents and it should be their choices in tandem with the narrative that drives them to erotic situations. I.e. it's erotic for someone to choose to have sex with you, it's not very erotic for someone's purpose in creation to be to have sex with you.

Finally, why are you spelling it as "cumm"? This is clearly an intentional choice, as is "gawd". I've literally never seen the former spelt that way, and it just made the story seem silly and broke any sense of immersion every time it was used. As for the latter, the use of slang in character dialogue can be used to imply aspects of personality, but Sarah is a 40-50 year old woman and she's saying shit like "oh gawd" when aroused? It just felt silly and out of place.