by hopeulikeit
I thought this was an interesting piece, full of description and well organized. However, you need to be careful with punctuation; I got confused at some points because some punctuation was missing, and I had to reread. See about finding a good editor/proof reader (this site offers voluntary ones). But don't stop writing: I liked the style.
Interesting story, I'd love to read more of this one. Good job, please continue this tale.
Well, don't keep us hanging here! And then what happened?