by westcoastjohn
What a fucked up story! I was hoping for something better but people thrive on this cheating shit. Damn, I was hoping it actually ended like the last Anon commented. 1 tiny star!
Ged injures himself and loses athletics and a ehds up selling cars or something, and Dave goes on to be be a billionaire and innovates and a better life. She ends up in a trailer community and a dead end life.
And most of them are anonymous.... typical.
I thought the story was good. I spent a short time in dorm rooms, and this kind of thing does happen. Jill isn't a whore shes a typical small town girl embracing the college experience and acting on her gut feelings.
I thought it was very well written. Other commenters need to get off their high horse - so what if she cheated? Not like they were married.
The story built up more and more and then just ended abruptly. Possibly one of the dumbest endings of a story on here.
I think you did a fair job with this story. It could have been a little more realistic, but you did a great job with explaining how Jill fell for Ged. The ending seemed rushed - your syntax and punctuation started to drop off at the end, and I caught at least one time where you said "Jess" instead of "Jill".
You could have REALLY extended this story out, and gotten deeper into the characters' personalities more. Overall, I liked the potential of the story and plot line. And yeah, it got me a little turned on. The ending was a bit disappointing, though. Keep writing, though! :-)
The whore. She should have got pregnant. Had a STD and AIDS. Now that was fitting for the cum dump whore she was.
You cannot leave Daves story unfinished.
I feel sorry for Dave. He thought he would make love to Jill but Jill wanted to have sex more than Dave did. I'm glad Jill and Ged didn't last long. And maybe your next story should be told from Dave's point of view where he sex for the first time and fall in love. Just a suggestion