All Comments on 'College Love Life Ch. 01'

Good start to your story and I do like the plot.

It really needs a good editing and proof reading. I think there are a bits of extra information/ descriptions that don't need to be in there. I can see where you are going with it. Readers like to 'see' what they are reading but it doesn't have to be in every sentence. Like Allen sits on the wooden bench with metal railings. We don't need to know that much and also that sentence is jumbled up wrong anyway.

In the cafe The man 'serenely' waits for a reply. What's that? Roberts meat stirs and wants someone to beat it. Really?? After kris tells his 2 men kissed him? For a 30yr old man that gets him so excited? Those sentences aren't needed.

Thank you for your comment. I really appreciate it!!! Sorry about all the errors, since it's one of my first stories. I'm just writing whatever that I'm imagining as I go along. I would definitely try to fix whatever that is unnecessary. Hehe, probably another problem is that I'm writing two stories at once... Thank you soooooo much for the encouraging comment though!!!

The secondary title, "Kris stresses as his friends unexpectedly kiss him." That is an understatement! Your story grabs the attention of readers straight away. Kyle and Sarah's bad news start Kris on a crying jag for days that just doesn't stop. Must every story with, a less than tall, submissive be such a wuss? I quite understand he is stressed. Allen takes his first kiss. Anderson shortly after does the same. Then a 30ish year old man all but super hits on Kris. Allen says "I like you, I don't know why, but I like you. I want to love you.---I know it might be too quick." Can we have some character development please? I like your story. Watch your pacing.

Will do. Thank you for your comment!

The first section seems to suggest that Kris and Allen are together, that they have confessed their love to each other in the rain. Then we seem to have a backstory to fill us in on Kris' family situation, then his first kiss with Allen and follow up kiss with Anderson. It seems that Kris and Allen could be together and develop into a couple. Robert has some promise too, but I would like to see what Kris would get going with Allen. Allen's physical description shows promise -- muscular, masculine, some chest hair and ab hair -- I say "go for it!"

Please continue