by JELB_42
the story was alright. and although i agree that his writing skills could use some improvement, it wasnt totally terrible. stop saying DD breasts and 12" dicks are real because actually i have DD breasts and my boyfriend has a 12" dick... so... its possible.
anyways. keep writing and you'll get better.
come down to earth, DD tits and 12 inch cock, what you thinking, speling is bad and grammer not correct
Although not a bad start, your story is too short, not detailed enough, and rough in language. Also, use some common sense for reality. DD breast and 12" cocks aren't normal realite and make your stories unbelievable. Try to spend more time and planning if you want to get and keeper a readers interest.
I think you have potential, you need to spell check your work, and think about adding more thoughts. Take your time and hang in there writting isn't easy.
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Look, I've asked nicely, (well, nicely enough), but PLEASE STOP submitting. You are obviously seriously under age, and this stuff is absolute CRAP.
And what the hell is "pasted"? Please, please don't tell me you mean "passed"!
Now, for fuck's sake - go away and grow up. Or die - at this point I'm not really fussed, and if you'll read the majority of your feedback, you'll see that almost everyone else would be glad never to see another of your purile attempts.
Bye now. Have a nice (short) life!
Is english your native language? You have a LOT of spelling and grammar errors. You will definately benefit from proof reading before you post a story. Errors strongly take away from ones enjoyment of a story.