Desolation

"And, oh yeah, how many cunts have you eaten, Miss Hetero Bitch? Self-Righteous whore! How many women have you spread your legs for so they could fuck you or finger you or lick at your cunt? You even pissed on a woman who paid you $500 to do it while she frigged off.

"And the dogs! Christ, you really fit the bill! Pot calling the kettle black, isn't it? The apparition was merciless and Rene felt as if she were shrinking from existence before its judgment.

Rene's face contorted and momentarily she couldn't speak and then she sobbed out, "Robby, what dogs?"

The apparition laughed, more cruelly as ever. "Oh you silly, stupid bitch, when you were so fucking wasted at that photo shoot, after the black studs got through gang banging you, they brought in a dog. You seemed to really enjoy it - of course you were so wasted I doubt you even knew your own name.

"But let's see," the apparition ticked off on his fingers, "promiscuous with men, women and German Shepherds and stinking, filthy, about ready to die in the proverbial seedy motel. Yeah, I'd say you and I, big sis, are a lot a like.

"But Fuck! It doesn't fucking matter anyway, bitch. We'll be together again soon. Hell's everything those fucking evangelists say it is. Why don't you take a hit; go quicker and easier? There's a needle lying on the floor back against the wall."

Rene stared at the apparition a moment and then unsteadily scrambled to see if her brother was right.

He was; it was a syringe that Rene had tucked away for emergencies and had forgotten about. She snatched it from the floor and frantically sat up in bed.

She forgot her tormentor and quickly put the tourniquet on and started looking for a vein.

~~~~~~~~~~

Suzy Clausen, the Operating Room Head Nurse from Rene's (former) hospital, was having what she came to call her "5 o'clock spa treatment." A new surgical tech she had hired was working hard on being the "boss's pet." She was just Suzy's type, and at this moment she was happily on her knees, driving Suzy wild with desire and pleasure.

Suzy returned the favor for her tech.

Afterward, the tech stretched cat-like on the sofa in Suzy's office, yawned and then sat up to look at her lover/boss as Suzy got dressed. "God, did you hear that on the news the other night?"

"Dee, a lot of stuff happens in this world, most of it bad and I try to ignore the news, such as they call it, whenever I can. What was on the news?" Suzy asked. Suzy was pulling up her panties and scrub pants.

"A former head nurse from here has gone missing and apparently, as the cops have dug into it, it's a real fucking mess. Lesbian sex, prostitution, drugs, the whole fucking nine yards. Did you know her? Her name was Rene something."

Suzy stopped tying the draw string on her pants and looked up. Her voice was quiet. "Rene Ballinger?"

"Yeah, that was it. Man, it sounds fucked. Real fucked, if you know what I'm sayin' boss."

Suzy came over to Dee and kissed her on the top of her head. "Do you know if Eleanor, the Cranston Pharma rep, is skulking around, babe?"

Dee laughed quietly. Suzy's whole demeanor had changed in a heartbeat. "Jeez, boss, what up? You need something a little extra I can't provide?" Dee reached out and playfully grabbed one of Suzy's lean inner thighs.

Suzy pulled away from Dee's touch as if Dee were a stinging insect. "Do you know if Eleanor is in the theater? I saw her earlier." Suzy's voice was tight and quiet and Dee finally picked up that something wasn't right.

"Uh, I'll go look. Before we came in she was chatting up the new lady orthopod, Bigsby, I think her name is."

"Yes. Go look. Now. If you find her tell her I want to see her right away."

"Suze, uh, what..."

"Dee, just do it, okay babe? For me. And don't ask questions. Go."

"Okay. Sure boss." Quickly Dee got dressed and left Suzy's office. Ten minutes later, as Suzy paced back and forth in her office there was a knock at the door.

"Come," Suzy commanded.

Eleanor Nickles, the drug sales rep that was one of Dr. Anne Woods' "friends" opened the door. She was smiling. "I wish I'd hear that more often from you, Suzy."

Suzy sat on the corner of her desk. She didn't react to Eleanor's come on and her stony silence suddenly made Eleanor nervous.

"You will address me as Ms. Clausen or Suzanne and you will not be improperly familiar with me in any way, is that clear?"

Eleanor was now completely off balance. Her smile faded, "Uh, yes, uh, ma'am. I understand."

Suzy crossed her arms across her chest. Her expression was cold and threatening. "I am going to ask you one question. If you do not answer me or if I don't believe your answer, it will take me a couple of weeks but I can all but guarantee you will not be able to sell an aspirin in the hospital or to any of the doctors who have privileges here. Is that clear?"

The drug rep got some of her confidence back. "Well, that's clear. But you must know I have powerful friends on the staff and well, your power base is a little light to being making such threats. Are..."

Suzy cut her off. "I know who your base is; that's why you're here now. You, however, don't spend every other weekend with the Chief of Surgery and his wife. You don't go shopping for lingerie with the Chief of Staff when the mood strikes her and take care of her needs so I'd be fucking careful before you get into a pissing match with me, bitch."

Eleanor's face was completely white and she stared at Suzy knowing that Suzy did have her beat in terms of connections. "I'm sorry," Eleanor said in a neutral voice, "how can I be of service, uh, Ms. Clausen?"

"What do you know of Rene Ballinger?"

"Uh, nothing."

"Huh-uh. You're Annie Woods' pet bitch. One last chance. What do you know about Rene?"

"If...if I uh, tell you and it gets back to Dr. Woods..." A sickening feeling came over the drug rep. She felt trapped and to an extent she was.

"I can deal with Anne Woods. You talk."

Eleanor raised her eyebrows. "That's a rather bold statement."

"Clausen is my ex-husband's name. My maiden name is O'Hanrahan and I know people whom, shall we say, make me feel safe if the need ever arises. Dr. Woods' health could suddenly fail her - partially or completely."

There was a long moment of silence between the two women and then the drug rep laughed. "Are you for real? Did you just threaten me?"

"No, I threatened one of your meal tickets but I could just as easily threaten you. Here, watch." Suzy picked up the phone and dialed a number and then put the call on the speaker.

"Yeah."

"Sean? Sean McCreary?"

"Depends on who's asking?"

"Cut the crap, Sean, you know who's asking, you Irish thug."

"Yeah, Suzy, I just like to play tough."

Suzy looked at the drug rep. "Sean, I'm in a bit of a spot. I got this situation, if you understand, and I may need it permanently resolved tonight."

"Jesus, Mary and Joseph!" the caller exclaimed in a thick Irish brogue, concern filling his voice, "what's up?"

"Can you resolve my situation for me tonight? It's just one person."

"Not a problem. Me and the lads need some, uh, exercise."

"Thanks, I'll give you a call later."

Again the drug rep laughed only this time there was nervousness in her laugh and it was restrained. "What was that?"

"A threat against you. Satisfied? Now, Rene."

The drug rep bit her lower lip and suddenly, from her stance, looked as if she needed a bathroom. "Woods had been whoring Rene out, getting her progressively hooked on junk."

"And?"

"And, uh, she had me work her over one night before Woods took her as her eye candy to whore out at some society meeting in L.A. That's all I know."

"Why you?"

"Uh...? Rene really doesn't like girls like us and Woods had a lot riding on this L.A. meeting. I guess she just wanted to make sure Rene would perform satisfactorily."

Suzy nodded. "And where is she now?"

"The last I heard, after she got fired, Woods sent her to some associates in L.A. and I haven't heard anything about her since."

Suzy's worst fears seemed to be validated. "Tell your mistress to watch her back and you should probably find a new territory relatively quickly. Now get the fuck out of my sight - oh, and I don't want to see you in the surgical theater again. Is that clear?"

The drug rep's eyes were wide in astonishment and indignation. She made an indignant, choking noise and then said a quiet, petulant, "Yes," before leaving.

The next morning Eleanor found all four of her tires slashed and sugar in the gas tank of her personal car, a Corvette. There was a note in the driver's seat that contained the alarm code to the burglar alarm in her condo and the address of her mother and father and sister. The note further said, in a casual malevolence, "Perhaps the weather isn't suitable here any longer for you."

The note was signed, "Sean and the Lads."

~~~~~~~~~~

At LAX the next day Suzy Clausen was getting her rental car. She barely paid any attention as she handed her driver's license and credit card to the rental clerk; she was thinking of Rene.

Her ex-husband had been a private investigator and a skip tracer and she had helped him in the early years of their marriage. She'd learned the business well and now practiced it as a hobby of sorts. Not to mention her "family" ties with Irish mobsters in New York, Boston and Dublin.

Through what she'd learned doing skip tracings and with Eleanor providing a city, Suzy finally had a possible line on Rene in L.A.

Rene never knew it, she was too self-absorbed but Suzy knew and liked Rene professionally. Rene thought Suzy was an empty headed flake and a lipstick lesbian. Suzy had left her husband not for one woman but for two and she was far from empty headed.

Suzy had a rough life as a teenager. By 19 she was turning tricks in back alleys in South Boston, drunk or drugged most of the time. But someone had taken the effort to pull her out the cesspool she had fallen into, willingly at first, and she got clean. Her peace and centeredness translated as her being a red haired ditz. No one at the hospital knew the "old" Suzy. She didn't want anyone to either but, even after getting clean, Suzy O'Hanrahan was no one to fuck with.

Now Suzy Clausen, nee O'Hanrahan, was one of the most competent nurse managers that Taylor General had on staff; a Master's of Science in Nursing and an MBA with a Health care emphasis. And she was a deeply devout Christian woman despite the fact that she was raising three children (one born to her and the other two to women in her life) and was the "husband" to the two women she left her husband for.

With Rene's disappearance and knowing the crowd she had fallen in with inside the hospital - especially Dr. Anne Woods - Suzy felt the spiritual pull that it was time to repay a debt.

As she pulled her car out onto Sepulveda she only hoped she wasn't too late and headed for a seedy motel on Sunset.

~~~~~~~~~~

Rene was shaking violently as she pushed the plunger on the syringe. Her eyes went wide; there was only a minimal rush. Someone must have used some of her supply. She began to panic but soon she fell forward on the bed, hugging her pillow, the syringe falling from her hand. There was a rush and then some fleeting sense of tranquility. But it wasn't enough.

"God damn, whore, I knew you wouldn't amount to a pile of shit, you filthy cunt." The disembodied voice yelled in fury at Rene.

In a trembling, high pitched voice Rene called out, "Daddy? Daddy? Please...please don't talk that way. Daddy, please help me. I'm so afraid. I don't know want to die. Please."

"Yeah right; wasn't me splattering my brains all over your street good enough for you? Huh? Wasn't that the help you wanted you filthy whore?"

"No!" Rene shrieked at the new apparition. "No! I forgave you! I wanted to help you. Daddy, why? I needed you; I wanted your love, your real love. Couldn't we have worked it out?"

"Maybe in hell we can all have a nice family re- union: me, your stupid slut of a mother and your faggot, junky brother," the apparition said sullenly.

"Just close your eyes and let go, cunt."

Rene hugged her pillow tightly and wept, "Mommy, mommy, where are you? Please mommy, it hurts! Please!"

~~~~~~~~~~

Suzy Clausen was getting impatient in traffic. She could sense Rene's life was leaving her; she thought she could feel a horrible sense of loneliness and devastation and she felt sick.

Suzy sped past a car and jumped a curb to get ahead of another. A motorcycle cop took notice and pursued. Suzy cursed loudly as she saw the motorcycle in her mirror.

"Where's the fire, lady?"

"As a matter of fact officer," Suzy said as she handed the cop her license and registration, "I'm trying to save someone's life; I'm a registered nurse. Do you know a motel at this address?" she asked as she handed him a piece of paper with an address.

"Yeah. Yeah, it's a flop house more or less for junkies and hookers."

"I have a friend there - maybe. I think she may be dying. She's been missing from the Midwest for several weeks. Please. Could you follow me and write me up there? And if she's not there, you can pile on some other charges. Okay?"

The cop regarded Suzy for several minutes, tapped his citation book on his gloved hand. Tentatively the officer asked, "Your old man a cop somewhere?"

"He was. NYPD Emergency Services. Took a medical from a bust gone bad."

"Huh," the cop sort of grunted. "What happened?"

"He was the pointman on an entry team when he tripped a trip wire at a crack house. Took a load of shrapnel from a Claymore. He's a P.I. now but, uh, we kind of..." she left the concept of divorce hang in the air.

She had satisfied the cop of her legitimacy. "Okay. You follow me. I'll keep your license for insurance. We'll be there in 5 minutes."

"Thank you, officer."

~~~~~~~~~~

Rene's life was ebbing away; she was nodding off but her heart and respiration rates were slowing. In a little girl's voice, as she would briefly wake up she would beg for her mother, "Mommy, please. I'm in a bad place. I'm so scared."

There was no apparition to comfort her though at least there was no apparition to torment her either.

She nodded off again.

She didn't hear the key in the door as she rolled to her back and took a slow, halting, shallow breath. As Suzy Clausen and the cop cleared the door Rene exhaled her last breath with a quiet, sobbing moan.

Paramedics, that the cop called for en route, were able to revive her though Rene did not regain consciousness at the scene. Suzy followed the ambulance to City of Angels hospital and waited quietly in prayer in the E.R. waiting room for word of Rene's condition.

Meanwhile, just off Sunset on the fifth floor of a dirty building, Christy Harrod, of Moline, Illinois, sat on a carpeted stage. She was nude except for a thong; she giggled coquettishly as the "film company's doctor" gave her something in a shot "to sharpen her acting skills" and make her more relaxed for her first encounter with an "A list" Hollywood star.

Christy vomited from her first ever hit of heroin. They cleaned her up and then Christy had just the "sleepy eyed" look the director wanted. Two assistants helped her to stand and totter to the bed. The girl could barely talk, slurring her words together in a jumble. But then, she wasn't there to talk.