by oggbashan
If you had taken this same story and spread it over two or probably three chapters, padding things out a lot more so that that 'we' the reader can construct a back story you would have something which would be a serious contender for 'story of the month' award.
Please don't stop writing, you show that you have real talent by tackling such a complex topic.
virtually no detail and complex issues introduced and thrown out with no exploration. Reads like it should have a bunch of "oh by the way"s scattered through it. This is not a good thing. I'm sounding harsh and I apologise but the potential here is excellent and the writing is good. Just slow down, take us on more of a journey.
Wonderfully inventive concept but the sex seemed rushed. Veers between past tense narrative and presence tense journal entry style a little clumsily in places.
Wonderful, creepy, gothic horror in the best sense. And it was hot. Great job!