Don't Stop Believing

The first few times that Christmas came around was interesting too. I'd always get June a small impersonal gift or two. I bought her presents because I didn't want to be rude. I made them impersonal to let her know that it wasn't a gift from a husband to his loving wife. They were simply polite exchanges between housemates to avoid disrupting the harmony of the house.

June, on the other hand, saved every penny she could to buy me nice presents as if she was trying to buy me back. I never accepted them. I opened them to be polite and then returned them to the store and put the cash back into her purse. She'd caught onto that from the first time. The first time she thought that I hadn't liked her gift. After the second time, she demanded an explanation. I told her that she didn't need to buy me any presents period because it simply wasn't going to accomplish what she wanted.

By the third year, she found something I'd take. I woke up to find several presents for me from June under the tree. I shook my head and she just smiled at me. When I opened the first present, it was a box of copies of some of my favorite pictures of June from our wedding album and a few from the years leading up to the incidents as we called them.

The second box contained a set of glamor photos that were extremely graphic of June that had been recently taken. She looked at me for my reaction. As my face fell, she handed me the phone. May was on the phone.

"Dell, June knows how jealous you get about her, so don't get pissed, I took the pictures. So, Merry Christmas, brother in law."

The last box was even worse. There was a DVD in it. The warning on the box it came in told me not to watch it with the kids. The video was June doing a series of solo performances and at the end of each one she told me that if I wanted the real thing, she was right down the hall.

I think June became even more determined to get me back after that. She started trying to understand me more. She did actually ask why I hadn't "used," the new pictures or the videos.

"Honey it's a turn on for me that you love me that much and look at me that way," she said. "I just wondered why you don't like the video or the newer pictures. Are they too raunchy?"

"It's not that," I told her immediately after she asked but didn't say anything further. The next day she had to know, so she kept bugging me for an answer.

"It's the wrinkles and the fact that over the years I've gotten fatter; isn't it?" she said. "You like the pictures where I was younger and fresher, better don't you?" She kept bothering me until I finally just blurted it out.

"I just like the pictures from when you were mine," I said. "I liked the pictures from when you LOVED me."

She went to her room and didn't come out for several hours. When she came back she took the newer pictures and the videos and destroyed them. "This way you won't have to look at the whore I became."

One thing that stuck out to me during this time was that May, who had never liked me, became one of my closest friends. She spent a lot of her time trying to get June and me back together. She was always telling me, "Dell, you love my sister. Give her a chance and the two of you could be happy again.'

There were lots of times when I seriously thought about it, but then June would do or say something, or just look at me in a way that made me pissed off at her all over again.

My daughter going off to college was a big event for us. June had no idea where the money to send her had come from. Melissa got a partial scholarship and intended to work her way through by getting a job on campus. I sent her enough money each month so she didn't have to do that but convinced her to never tell her mother where the money had come from. Since my children and I had often had secrets between us that June wasn't privy to, it wasn't a problem. I was sure they had secrets from me too. It was just a part of life in prison.

As the time for Todd's departure got closer, I started to formulate my exit strategy and June got more and more nervous. The scene when I first started this tawdry little tale illustrates the kinds of things she was doing to lure me back into her bed.

The next morning after her performance, I was irritable but I didn't know why. May came to visit me at work and we talked.

"So she tried to get you to have sex with her again?" she asked. I just nodded my head.

"You'd think at her age, she'd have given up on that kind of thing," she laughed. I just looked at her strangely.

"You can't be serious," said May. "You're STILL attracted to her, aren't you? You wanted her last night didn't you?" I nodded.

"Then Dummy, why didn't you just do it?" she asked affectionately. "She would have been happy. You would have been happy and I'd have been happy for both of you. I don't think my sister has any idea of how much you really love her."

"I was scared." I said.

"What the hell did you have to be afraid of?" she asked. "She's your wife for God's sake. You've put your man thing into her lady parts hundreds of times. You made two babies with her. You wanted to fuck her. God knows she wanted you to fuck her. I just don't know what you had to be afraid of."

"Well first, before we get to the fear," I said. "There's the anger."

"No way Jose," she said. "You and I talked about the anger at what she did. That was over ten years ago. Shit, those guys are probably dead or have forgotten the whole thing by now. I think only the three of us even remember what happened. You promised me that you were going to let that go and judge June on the last few years. She still loves you, you know. You two are the silliest people I can think of. She waits for you to fall asleep and then comes into the living room and watches you sleep. You jack off to pictures of her. You act like she's some sex goddess or something." I just smiled.

"You're blushing," she said. "Over the years you don't seem to have noticed that her ass has gotten a bit fatter and her gut sticks out at least as much as her boobs have you?"

"Things like that don't matter," I said. "She's still the hottest woman on the planet to me."

"What about the cellulite on the back of her thighs or the wrinkles on her face?" she asked.

"She's the prettiest girl I know," I said. May just smirked at me.

"Then what about this anger you're talking about?" she asked.

"She had an investigator following me," I said. "Isn't it bad enough that ten years ago she bullied me into canceling my divorce? But now that this whole thing is almost over one way or another she's still trying to get something to hold over me. It won't work anymore. Todd will be gone in a couple of months and there will be no way for her to keep me then."

"She'll just crank up the lawyers again," smirked May. "She loves you too much to let you go. And it gets worse every time you take care of her while she's sick. I think she gets sick on purpose just to spend time with you."

"You're on drugs," I said.

"Dell, she got the flu three times last year," May laughed. "And every time she did, you slept in her bed and took care of her for at least a week. I think she faked the last two."

"Besides, you know that all she wants is to find some way of holding on to you. She loves you dummy and we both know that you're not cheating on her. So what did it matter if she put someone on you. She's desperate. And please have her stop doing that. She doesn't make enough money for that. I was wondering why she borrowed money from me this month. She has nothing saved and she won't be eligible for her pension for another twenty five years. She needs to start saving and investing, not blowing her money on PIs to follow you around."

"You're right about that," I said. "Maybe I'll put my own PI on her."

"So go on tell me why you're afraid," she said.

"Well, I know that June and I have been together for twenty years now but for the last ten of it we haven't been intimate," I began. "That stopped because of sex. To me, the most important aspect of our relationship wasn't really the sex. Sure we had a lot of sex. But the thing that made us special was the closeness and the trust. I'm not sure those things are still there. How do I know that if we get together that I won't just feel like a fuck buddy to her? If all we're going to do is fuck there's no point in us getting back together. I could get sex anywhere. I want my wife back."

"Your wife never left you goofball. You just stopped letting her show it," said May.

"No," I said. "I need to do something to let her know that this isn't a continuation of the marriage she ruined. I want her to know that this is a fresh start for both of us."

"If we put our heads together, we can come up with something great," she said.

A month later, I was showing some of the tricks about handling my Mustang's manual transmission to my son Todd. He'd be taking the car with him when he left for college in three weeks.

"Be really careful of the clutch son and she'll last you forever," I said.

"Dad," he said looking at me. "Can't you stay until I leave?" he asked.

"Toddy, you've got your phone. You can call me anytime of the day or night. You're only going to be here for three weeks anyway. And your sister will be there to show you around the campus. The three of us will all get together for Thanksgiving in the new house in Florida. You can handle it."

"I know dad," he said sadly. I just hate to think of you being..."

Before he could finish his thought, June pulled into the driveway. She got out of the car and waved at us before hurrying into the house. She did notice the large truck parked in front of our house that was pulling away as the door close on the back of it. But she hadn't paid much attention to the brand new Mustang GT parked on the street in front of the house next door.

I followed her into the house and into the bathroom. The shower was running full blast as I opened the door.

"June," I began.

"Is that you love of my life?" she asked.

"I just came to tell you goodbye," I said.

"Dell, please tell me you aren't going in to work tonight," she said. "Tomorrow is our fucking anniversary and all week you've been promising me that something special was going to happen. Can you wait a minute for me to get out of the God damned shower so we can talk about this? You need to call someone to take this night shift for you so you can stay home with me."

"June, finish your shower," I said. "Both of us know that you need it. And we both know why you need it. I just wanted to say goodbye."

I walked out of the house and hugged my son again. Then I got into the new Mustang. As I started the engine, June had thrown on a robe and came out onto to porch still dripping wet. I gunned the engine just as she screamed for me. My last vision of her as I burned rubber and did a donut in front of our house was the fact that she was no longer nearly as pretty as I'd always thought. I guess I'd looked at her through love colored glasses and seen a beauty. Without the blinders on, I saw an older, chubby, wrinkled, slut.

* * * * * *

June

As I pulled up in front of the house, I wondered what the hell my husband was doing at home. He and my son were out front playing with his Mustang. If I kept it cool, I could possibly get away with it. I waved at them and hurried into the house. There seemed to be a lot of activity in front of our house. Maybe some of that would take their concentration off of me.

I climbed the steps trying to stay cool. As I walked into the house, I immediately started taking my clothes off and throwing them into the laundry chute. After that I ran into the bathroom and turned the shower on. I quickly removed the hand held shower head and hosed myself down. I quickly directed the head between my legs and soaped my entire body. Then I began scrubbing myself down.

I have no idea why I did what I did today. I guess it made sense to end things on a good note. He hadn't taken it well and I'd probably been very stupid to end things before I had assurances. But from the way things had been going lately, I was sure that I wouldn't need him anymore. Dell had been talking to me for the last week or so. He hadn't slept with me, but I was sure that things were better between us. Last night when I made him dinner, not only had he eaten it, he'd sat at the table with me and we talked. I'd loved the feeling as his eyes raked my body openly. After dinner, I'd showered as usual and put on a robe. I'd gone back to check on Dell and we'd even had a little chat. When I leaned in front of him, he'd looked at my tits through the opening in my robe. Just doing that and not being ashamed to let me see him doing it had sent a thrill through me.

When I went back to the bedroom, I felt his eyes on me. I'd bent over to adjust my slipper just wondering if he'd look at me. I quickly glanced behind me and saw him staring at my naked ass as the robe crept up from my bending over.

I wanted him so bad. As I got into bed, the thrill of having the man I love look at me as a woman again for the first time in so long that I didn't want to think about it washed over me. Even as I started to run my fingers up and down my burning slit, I prayed that what I was hoping for was going to happen.

I let my legs open beneath my sheet and moaned as I imagined Dell between my legs. I wondered if there was some kind of commandment against praying while you masturbated. "Oh God," I hissed as the pleasure shot through me. It was stronger than anything I'd felt in ten years. "Oh Dell, fuck me baby," I whispered clamping my lips shut and hoping no one could hear me. Just from touching myself lightly while I thought about Dell had me ready to cum in seconds.

"Now when I do that, while thinking about you, you act like I'm some kind of pervert," he said. Even in the darkness, I could see him watching me from the doorway.

"It's different," I said. I was so embarrassed that he'd caught me, but I was also glad he had. "I don't have a choice. I have to use my fantasies to give me relief from what you do to me. You have always had the option to just come and take me whenever and however you want. If I had that option we'd have at least two more kids."

"There's a very special day coming up soon," he said. "Maybe some changes are in the wind. I think that something very special will happen day after tomorrow." And then he was gone and I was in heat from what he was hinting about.

"Don't rub it too hard," he yelled from the hallway. "We might be doing something with it."

That had been last night. I hadn't been able to control myself after his hints. I had frigged my poor pussy at least five times and each time I imagined my husband fucking me in a different position. I'd awakened this morning with a fire between my legs. My forehead felt like...I went into shock as I realized what had just happened. I didn't need to wake up for another two hours to go to work. Even as I heard that loud assed car start up outside, tears rolled down my cheeks, as I heard the echo of his words and touched my forehead where his lips had just been.

I hadn't been dreaming. Dell had come into the bedroom and kissed me on my forehead. "Love you," he'd said. And he hadn't been sarcastic. "Love you too," I'd said to the empty air in the room. I went to the bathroom to pee and then got out my best vibrator and went to town but it wasn't enough. I remembered the things that Dell used to do to me before we started this war and I needed to cum so badly. I hoped and prayed again that this wasn't just another of his episodes of teasing me and hinting that we'd get back together, only to have him go back to treating me like I didn't exist.

But no, he'd started this one on his own and I wasn't sick. Nor was it my birthday or Christmas. I was as horny as a mountain goat, so when the text came to my phone. I texted back, "Yes."

I needed to get rid of a complication in my life that never should have been there. I debated simply ignoring the text but the flame in my loins wouldn't let me. There was also the fact that if this was simply another of Dell's games and I ended it, I might not find a replacement. As I'd gotten older, it had become harder to find them. Dell might have thought I was beautiful but no one else seemed to.

The afternoon session hadn't done anything to quench my fire. In fact, it had been a wasted effort. I suddenly noticed that everything he did was wrong. I realized then that all I'd been doing for the whole time was putting band aids over a bullet hole. There was no way a band aid would ever stop the bleeding let alone get the bullet out. I stood there in the shower feeling nervous as hell, guilty as hell and as frustrated as hell.

The water in the shower got too hot and I needed to adjust it. Even as I reached for the shower handle, I heard Dell's voice. He'd come into the bathroom with me. That was another first, I'd make sure it wasn't the last time though but I couldn't let him near me before I got done making sure I was clean.

"June," he'd said. And I wanted him as soon as I heard his voice. We'd been together for twenty fucking years and he could still send waves of pleasure through me just by saying my name. There are just some things that certain people can't say. Like if you're a girl, saying, "pussy," at the wrong time in the wrong place can get you raped. Dell saying my name had always been like an aphrodisiac to me.

"Is that you, love of my life?" I asked.

"I just came to tell you goodbye," he said. And I was pissed. First because if my timing had been better, I wouldn't be in this predicament and he and I could have done something. And secondly, because I was beginning to get the feeling that he was playing one of his fucking games with me. Then it hit me. If he was home early it might be because he was going to work the night shift to cover for someone else. Dell had spent all of those years in that hellhole, busting his ass without a promotion. After all of his hinting about tomorrow and what had happened last night, I wanted him home with me. I wanted my husband back. Fuck his job.

"Dell, please tell me you aren't going in to work tonight," I said. "Tomorrow is our fucking anniversary and all week you've been promising me that something special was going to happen. Can you wait a minute for me to get out of the God damned shower so we can talk about this? You need to call someone to take this night shift for you so you can stay home with me."

"June, finish your shower," he said. "Both of us know that you need it. And we both know why you need it. I just wanted to say goodbye."

I went into shock. I wondered what he meant. I hoped that he didn't mean what I think he meant. He couldn't really know why I needed the shower could he?

I didn't rinse the soap off of me or dry off. I just grabbed a robe and ran out of the bathroom. I splashed water on everything in my path. I got the robe on just in time to hear the sound of a car start up and it was louder and more powerful sounding than Dell's Mustang. There was a newer, more aggressive looking Mustang parked in front of the house next door. It burned rubber and the guy driving it did a donut as he took off. I realized then that it was Dell. Was that the surprise he had for me? He'd bought another fucking car. So what? I did wonder where he got the money though. I'd have to ask him about it when he got home.

There were so many things I needed to ask him about. Like, why he simply told me he loved me when he went off to work this morning. But this time he'd said, "Goodbye." Did which shift he worked make a difference? Or was it something else?

"Mom, please cover your-self up!" I heard my son say. I pulled my robe closed and went back inside of the house. That was when I noticed that the house felt odd. It felt like I'd left something open or like someone had been there who shouldn't have. It just felt like strangers had been in my house. But I'm sure my son would have said something or his dad would have if they'd had a party or something. I got back in the shower and rinsed off the soap.