En Dag Tilbage

"Here, let me see it." Ben handed me the book and I leafed through it, not much seemed appetizing and then I saw it. "What about the beach?" I saw Ben's expression perk up as soon as he heard.

"Hey, yeah!" He clambered off the bed next to me and read the description for the beach that was not thirty miles away from the hotel we were staying at...and we had a rental car, but I didn't have a driver's license. Ben looked crestfallen; not having a little piece of laminated plastic threatened to ruin our plans. We knew that if one of us had one, we would be able to go by ourselves, pending our parent's approval, but we knew we would have to ask for them to come with us. It was all well and good; maybe we would be able to sneak off from our parents unnoticed, we decided to ask them at breakfast, since we were starving from not having anything yesterday other than cotton candy, nachos, and a grease laden hot dog.

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"Oh my gosh! Have you tried this bacon?" I pointed to the bacon on my plate and let Ben take a piece, there was almost anything we could want for breakfast, bacon, sausage, fruit, yogurt, five kinds of pastries, biscuits, and even a chef that would make us anything with eggs. We got one of everything to start with, then we had seconds...I threatened to throw up again like yesterday and had to stop, but Ben ate as if it were his last meal, he seemed to have no end as he went back for thirds.

"So, what are you guys doing today?" My father asked lightly as he sipped his hot coffee and read the newspaper.

"Well, we wanted to know if we could go to the beach." I replied casually, playing with the yogurt on the left side of my plate.

"Well, dear, that sounds like a good idea." My mother said as she looked at my father, who ruffled the newspaper and grunted.

"I suppose it would be nice to relax a while...all right, I guess we're going to the beach." I almost shouted in joy, but restrained myself and gave a smile to Ben, and he gave a knowing smile back.

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"You want to go off together again?" My mother asked as we had just requested to venture farther down the beach.

"Please?" Ben pleaded, clasping his hands together as if ready to beg.

"Oh, all right, just make sure you take the cell phone," Ben hurriedly grabbed the cell phone, thrust it to me, and I put it in my pocket. "And don't let it get wet!" My mother shouted behind us since we were off before she could finish. We ran until we were out of view of our parents, and we kissed lightly and smiled as we felt the wet sand between our toes.

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"No, there were ten of them, one for each of them." I was just telling Ben about the graduation he had missed, it was still a couple of weeks ago but I remembered it like yesterday. I let my fingers loosely brush against Ben's crotch, then down to the towel, but he didn't seem to take my silent suggestion, and looked out to the sea instead.

"It sure is beautiful...isn't it?" He said as he took a large breath and then exhaled quietly and slowly as if lost in the moment.

"It is...I wish it could be like this always." Ben looked at me and let the side of his face drape on my shoulder. "The sun, the smell, the sound of the waves, you and I." I looked down at him and he looked up at me and smiled. Being with Ben at these kinds of moments was in one word, magical. Time went by slowly but still just as fast; our love was strong and filled with desire, not sexual, as it had been before but something bigger, something deeper. I didn't want the time to end before us but it almost did when Ben pointed out that the sky was indeed growing darker by the moment. The wind picked up, making the sand swirl across the beach as if it were miniature ghosts, the towel flapping with each gust of wind below our bodies, making the sand cover us uncomfortably. We knew our time had ended for now and that we would have to start going back.

We got about halfway back when the skies rumbled and the rain came, hard and fast, stinging our faces by the brisk gusts of sweet salty sea air. We sought shelter underneath a nearby snack shop, the both of us laughing. Even though the rain was coming down hard, the wind blowing small grains of seemingly invisible sand in our eyes and everywhere else; we managed an intimate kiss. Both of our heads dripping with water and our hair clung to our faces, Ben reached up with a gentle finger and wiped it away from my cheek, I grabbed his hand and kept it against me, savoring the warmth and feel of it.

"I have something for you." Ben suddenly spoke, making me turn my full attention to him. From his wet pocket of his bathing suit, he retrieved a small black case. I knew what it was and I couldn't believe it at the time, Ben was going to propose to me, of course, I would've graciously accepted to spend our lives with each other for eternity, but Ben didn't have quite the same idea as I had. He looked at me and then opened the small box, making my stomach drop in excitement. "It's a promise ring." Ben explained as he took the gold ring from its pocket, making it sparkle in the small ray of sunshine that broke through the clouds at that very moment. "I would've given you an engagement ring, but as you know, I do not have a lot of money..." I smirked at his apology. "It would've been considered wrong in the eyes of society, so it is a promise ring...promising I will be with you always...no matter what." I almost positively fainted at the prospect of sealing our love in a more official way, but either way; I considered it an engagement ring, a testament of our love that would go on forever. "Do you accept it?"

"I...I...of course!" I said happily and put my hand out, permitting Ben to slip the gold ring on my finger...my wedding finger to be exact. We embraced each other and kissed kindly, Ben's so called proposal was such a surprise, I swore to myself that I would never forget this moment, our love everlasting and more powerful than I would ever feel again. "I guess this gives me permission to call you husband from now on."

I regretted my choice of words, I didn't mean it to come out that way but Ben smiled and replied, "Sure does...wife." I smirked and playfully slapped him on his arm just as the cell phone in my pocket rang. I took it out and looked to see who was calling, it was my mother.

"Yes?" I answered. My mother wanted to know where we were and asked us to come back, I told her we would be back in a couple of minutes. I kissed Ben and we both hurried back in the rain, now much lighter than before, back to our parents, a large smile spread across both of our faces.

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Once we got back to the hotel we felt the need to celebrate, we went down to the hotel bar and tried to order a bottle of wine, but the bartender gave us the choice of soda, juice, or water. We finally persuaded him to give us something better and came back to our room with a couple of wine coolers. "Ice?" Ben asked as he poured one into a large glass.

"Sure!" I said, I was so thirsty and it wasn't just to get drunk and act like a fool, just something to do to celebrate. Ben walked over to the ice bucket and looked inside, shaking his head; "Darn, we're out...I guess I'll have to go get some."

"All right, but hurry back!" I said as he closed the door, and switched on the television, watching old shows that I hadn't seen in years. There was something wrong though when I checked the time and saw that it had been at least thirty minutes since Ben had left, I started to get worried, had something happened to him? I quickly jumped off the bed, ran to the door, just as Ben was opening it. "Ow!" I said as the door hit the side of my forehead. I staggered back onto the floor and fell in a heap. Ben bent down as soon as he saw and apologized, kissing the bump on my head, trying to make it better.

"Sorry it took so long...the ice machine on our floor was broken, I went to find a janitor so that he could fix it but I went to another and it was broken too, all of them were broken on every floor, never seen anything like it." I smiled, it wasn't so bad now but I was a little angry that he had made me so worried. "I finally went down to the bar and had to get the bartender to give me some ice...then I hurried back as soon as I could...as you can see." Ben smiled and rubbed the sore spot on my head gently. "C'mon, let's lay on the bed." Ben helped me to my feet and led me to our 'love-making' bed, but I didn't care, my head was pounding now. "I have an idea on how to get rid of the pain if you want me to." Ben smiled mischievously and I nodded eagerly to see what exactly he meant by his sly comment. He gently prodded me to lie down on the bed, and told me to relax as he reached into his suitcase and retrieved the shirt he wore the other night.

I wondered what exactly what he was going to do with me as he tied the sleeves loosely around my face, covering my vision with blackness. He told me to relax again and trust him, with my love for Ben I had no problem with trust, it was the inquisitive feeling that I had, what precisely was he going to do?

I got my answer a couple of seconds later, his fingers rubbing against my skin...but something else was there, something colder. The cold object ran between my breasts, making me wonder what it was. Then I remembered...the ice. I felt Ben lightly loosening my shirt I had on, unbuttoning my shirt slowly as I had done his for our first time making love to each other. My heartbeat quickened as the ice touched my skin again, this time, much closer to the middle my breasts, it ran up and down between the hilly little mounds, making cold drops run off the side of my stomach and ribs. The cold ice trailed back up to my mouth, pausing briefly to let me suck on it, then going up farther all the way to my forehead, lingering briefly on the sore bump on my head.

The combination of his warm fingers and the cold touch of the ice made my skin break out in goosebumps. And as the ice reached my naked breasts again, Ben let the ice glide up towards my left nipple, over it and back down the bottom of my breast, bringing a rasping gasp from me and then on to the other. My nipples had never been harder, the ice making them hard as small pebbles and my breasts swelled with excitement and arousal. The ice went down my abdomen, through my bellybutton, and then it was gone again as Ben struggled to remove my shorts and panties, I gave him some help and when they were halfway down my legs, he continued to run the ice, that was now shrinking fast, down to my burning hot pussy. I let out another gasp as he touched the sensitive skin just above my pussy. The ice trying to put the fire out that burned with passion, desire and a burning flame that could only be stopped by another's heat. He drew the ice in slow small circles around the outside of my pussy lips, my pussy oozing with juices and arousal, so much that it hurt, much more than my throbbing bump that I had already forgotten.

I could feel Ben's fingers getting warmer and warmer, realizing that the ice was quickly melting away from my extreme fever from stimulation. Suddenly, I couldn't take anymore! I had reached my peak of stimulation and I needed Ben inside of me right now! I whipped the shirt off covering my eyes so fast I nearly poked my eye out; Ben stood licking the rest of the melted ice, now water, from his fingers. "Oh, fuck me now!" I cried as I unbuckled his belt, whipped it off, threw it on the floor and fumbled with his button-laden pants. Shucking them to the ground, Ben bent forward, not bothering to remove his shirt and I pulled him down next to me rather strongly, a look of surprise and excitement lining his face. I wasted no time in straddling him, not waiting for him to react, grabbing his throbbing hard dick and inserting it in my steaming pussy. "Ahhhhh! Yessss!" I groaned as I felt him fill me instantly. I bucked against his hips fiercely, as hard as I could, driving it in and out of me with alarming force and intensity, my breasts bouncing up and down, almost threatening to hit my chin I was going so fast, the loud and quick Slap! Slap! Slap! Slap! Sound of our thighs hitting each other made me even more aroused.

"Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!" Ben grunted, trying to keep up with me, but it was impossible because I was going so fast. "Slow—slow—slow!" I didn't listen to him though, I was so engaged in lust with his dick and his dick alone. "Oh, God!" Ben thrust his head to the side and sat up, pulling his dick from me just before he came, letting his warm cum squirt over me. A long squirt hit my breasts bringing a little gasp, going from hot to cold to back to hot was such a thrill. The rest created a small puddle on my stomach, running off onto the bed sheets below. "God." Ben whispered as he fell back, making the bed bounce. I fell against him, panting from our ferocious lovemaking, his arms held tightly around me, stroking my hands, and his dick still a little bit hard, nestled between my legs.

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I had fallen asleep shortly afterwards, slept for hours it seemed because when I woke up again it was dark. "Where are you going?" I asked quietly, seeing Ben starting towards the doorway.

He seemed a bit surprised, walked back over to me, bent down and kissed me on my forehead. "I'm just going to...get some water...I'll be back soon." He whispered in my ear and smiled.

"Ok." I said sleepily and then mumbled a sincere and profound, "I love you."

"I love you, too." Ben said quietly as he opened the door and closed it. Now that I think about that night, it did seem a bit odd to leave me since there was water in the bathroom, but it didn't stop me from falling asleep again peacefully, unaware of what was about to happen.

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I awoke next morning to someone pounding loudly on the door, at first I didn't want to answer it because I was still a bit tired, but the knocking didn't stop. When I turned towards the other side of the room, I realized that Ben wasn't there...the first thought that came to my mind was that maybe Ben wanted to sleep in my parents room, but why would he want to leave me? Nonetheless, I put on my bra and panties, and a hotel robe, shuffled lazily towards the door, and unlocked it.

My mother faced me, her bottom lip was trembling, and her eyes were welling up with tears. "It's...Ben...he..." I didn't wait for my mother to end her sentence.

"Where is he? What happened?" I asked, now wide-awake, if Ben was in trouble I wanted to be there with him so he wouldn't be scared.

"The...the roof." My mother managed to spit out; I pushed her out of the front of the doorway, and took off in a flat run towards the elevator. I mashed the button with all my might, waiting for the little chime to sound that the elevator was there. I growled in anger, it was just too slow, I ran down the hallway, my feet making quieted sounds as I ran for the stairwell. I quickly scrambled up fifteen stairs and then another and another, all the way up to the roof, gasping for breath as I flung the door open.

I can remember everything I saw at that moment, the swimming pool sparkling with little diamonds from the sunlight high overheard, the sounds of cars zipping by below, and the faraway cry of a bird as it flew between one building to the next, and the little bench, just off to the side, with a long blue bag lying next to it that was partially obscured by a group of somber police officers. The sound of the door flying open so loudly made them stare at me, and then they looked back at their task of whatever was in the blue bag. Fear gripped me, Ben was no where in sight, unless...

I didn't want to think of it but I knew my mother had said the roof and I was on the highest possible floor of the hotel, the roof. No, I thought through the denial that it was Ben in that blue bag, no, it couldn't be...it is someone else, someone no one knows, Ben is just out getting...water. Maybe this was what he had meant by getting some water later that night, but Ben was a good swimmer, he couldn't have drown even if he tried to. My father touched my shoulder, making me turn away; his face was also in the same state as my mother's had been. "Looks like he came here to die, he didn't drown, and he died peacefully." A police officer made it official...it was Ben in the bag. All of a sudden the robe felt ten times heavier, my body slumped down pitifully and turned colder than ice, my hands covered my face, and the shock of it all was enough to overwhelm me and... I fainted.

My father shouted for a police officer to help me back to my room, an old one came to his aid I was told later and helped my father carry me, I hadn't heard a word after what the police officer said, my thoughts whirling, I suppose my father didn't want me to make a scene, to go in to hysterics, shouting and crying, it would've been bad for the hotel. When I woke up again, I was back in the bed, the full impact hadn't hit me just yet, but knowing that Ben was gone...the sadness and tears came slowly, but once they started I couldn't stop them.

I sobbed and sobbed, wondering why he had left me, why God would let such a good person die so horribly, of all the evil people in the world, the most innocent had to die. Ben had done nothing to deserve this, nothing; he was gentler than anyone I had ever known, and I loved him, and I was quite sure he loved me.

Anger flooded me a few seconds later, I was angry at everything, God, for letting him die, for not giving us more time, Ben, for leading me on presumably, knowing that he was going to die soon, and yet, he told me nothing of his pain. But most of all, me, I felt that I had done nothing to prove I'd loved him so deeply, sure I told him I loved him before he left that night, but did he know I really meant it? I wasn't truly mad at Ben, he couldn't have known he was going to die, he couldn't read my mind and I couldn't read his. As I wallowed in my pity, the anger boiled over, I felt so angry and frustrated that I wanted to break something, I thought about breaking a vase on the table next to me but I quickly discarded the idea because I would have to pay for it and I didn't have any money. "I hate you." I whispered. If Ben had been there, I would've hit him for making me feel so bad, but I did the next best thing, I grabbed Ben's pillow that he had slept on the entire time we were here. I beat it with my fists, making one side flat and the other side larger, and screamed, "I hate you!" As I hit it. "I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I...hate...you!" Hitting the pillow seemed to drain all of my energy and besides, my finger hurt when I finished.

Ben's ring was digging into my finger, making an impression that I had never seen before. I pulled my ring halfway off my finger and read it, "Ben and Jess 4 ever." I looked at the ring and groaned, great, just the thing I need to make me feel even worse, I pulled the ring off as hard as I could and chucked it across the room. It hit the wall with a DUP! Sound and then it fell down onto the glass table, rolling on its side before it fell silently to the floor. Ben dying had ruined everything for me, one minute I was on top of the world and now I was lower than dirt. I buried my head in my arms, wishing that everything could go away right now, wishing that I had never fallen in love with Ben, wishing I had never met him.

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"You are coming to your brother's funeral, aren't you?" My mother made sure my dress looked normal, I fidgeted like a young child, trying to get my mother to leave me alone. I wished I had Ben's ring that he had given me, before I left, I came to my senses, Ben's ring was the only thing that reminded me of what we had shared together, I looked everywhere for it, up and down, far and wide, finally giving up because we had to leave to plan Ben's funeral.