by Belakunn
...but ruined by poor writing, terrible grammar, and the usual "my spellchecker knows best" spelling mistakes.
this could have been a fun story, and in the hands of a diligent editor it still could be. try harder, please: you owe it to yourself.
You should have worked with an editor on this one. Idea is interesting but you did not pay it its due; the story needed work on plot characters, as well as grammar, and spelling.